My husband has been caught cheating on me several times through out or marraige. I love him so much that I can't find myself wanting a divorce. We have 2 kids together, he is from Nigeria, and I have been told that they don't know how to stay with only one women. He says he loves me, but how can you keep hurting some one you love? What should I do?
2007-10-05 11:45:04 · 39 answers · asked by BLACK BEAUTY 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you must have zero self-esteem to continue along claiming to love someone who does not give a rat's *ss about you or your children. you have allowed yourself to become a dependent doormat.
2007-10-05 12:35:59 · answer #1 · answered by Mon-chu' 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband need to build a case against her with the help of the police. But in the meantime, you may want to read THE GIFT OF FEAR to get some insight into how a stalker thinks. Every time you move, every time you get someone to talk to her, every time you express annoyance at anything she does, she is encouraged to continue. What she wants is to provoke a reaction--it doesn't matter to her if it's good or bad. The book will tell you how to go about ignoring her. For instance. If she calls 40 times, and 39 times you refuse to pick up and the 40th time you pick up and yell at her, all she learns is that if she wants your attention, she has to call 40 times. All these people that are telling you to talk to her or threaten her are giving you very bad advice.
2016-04-07 06:16:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what a majority of us are going to write... and although you're not going to be happy with the answers you get, it's the truth...
You're a mother, you deserve to be with someone whom will respect you and your children (since he's not doing it)... I understand that you're married and you don't want to get a divorce, but do you want this to keep happening till death do you part? I know you don't, and I strongly recommend that you either seek counceling or get divorced because he's not going to stop doing what he's doing...
Why? because you've let him get away with it so many times that he knows you're not going anywhere. You're children dont deserve to grow up thinking that it's ok for dad to cheat on mom and stare or even talk to other women while you're not in his presence. Kids are very intelligent, and I know you'll be better off being a single mother than one that is married to a guy that can't be mature or faithful to his wife.
God forbid he gives you a disease from another women he slept with... you don't deserve that, you can't love someone if you're constantly cheating on them and hurting them. I truly do hope that you open your eyes and realize that you deserve better... I guarantee you that he will respect you a lot more if you left him, only because you finally showed him that you don't need a guy like that in your life. I'm reffering to him as a guy because he's not a man... a real man won't hurt you or cheat!
2007-10-05 11:59:06 · answer #3 · answered by N3N@ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's healthy for you or the children to live in a situation where you're unhappy. I can't tell you to go or stay--I don't know the situation or your feelings well enough. What I can tell is that if my husband cheated on me, I wouldn't be able to stay with him. Marriage is a sacred trust and I couldn't deal with someone breaking that trust.
Unfortunately, love and happiness don't always go together. You have to do whatever you think is best for you and your children.
Also, you have to consider your health. What if he brings home an STD next time he steps out on you? Then what? What happens to you and your children?
If you are hurting, and you are consistently unhappy, and if your children are having to watch you fight, you may be better off apart. If you can reconcile yourself to his cheating, and can live with it without being miserable or without arguing all the time, well, then you're a stronger woman than I am. Whatever you decide, best wishes and my thoughts are with you in your difficult situation.
2007-10-05 11:55:11 · answer #4 · answered by annarrogance 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are hurting yourself by staying with a man that is not loyal. It doesn't matter what country he is from- If a person truly loves another person, they don't WANT to be with anyone else. It sounds like you may be a lot more in love with him than he is with you-
I could never trust a man that cheated on me twice. I would have to leave- hurt or not.
Good Luck to you- and always remember- YOU DESERVE BETTER!
2007-10-05 11:49:21 · answer #5 · answered by crankyissues 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aweee sweetie, I am so sorry. I know all too well your pain. There is a website www.blazinggrace.org it deals with sex addiction, you may find some answers there. Where there is breath there is hope. You love him and have two children with him, maybe you could talk to him about seeking counsling. If not I suggest seeking some for yourself, if he has a sex addiction you need to know that it is not your fault and getting yourself some help will help you better deal with what he is putting you through.
2007-10-05 11:56:06 · answer #6 · answered by Celtickarma 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For one, follow your heart.
Two, try not to "stay in the relationship for the kids". My parents split when I was 8 or so. I didn't understand much then, but I understand now. They will understand/eventually understand the situation.
Just because he's from Nigeria gives him no right to cheat. If he loves you as much as he claims, he wont do it.
2007-10-09 11:47:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
With kids involved, you want to be very careful, and besides that, you admitted that you still love him very much. Before you end your marriage, you need to try and work this out with a counselor or pastor. See if you can come to some kind of agreement, if maybe he can come to see how much this really hurts you. Cultural differences are hard to reconcile... if it's not possible, then of course, you need to get out of a hurtful relationship. But try getting some help, first. I really hope it works out for you.
2007-10-05 12:06:42 · answer #8 · answered by amh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you stay in the relationship, all this is going to do is also teach your children it is OK for this type of relationship to carry on.
Seek counseling, give him the ultimatum, and if that does not work, you need to figure out what is best for you, AND your children.
Yes you may love him, and not be able to stand being without him, but can you truly be OK with him sleeping with other women? If you can, and you are willing to have your children grow up with that in their life also (yes you DO have to think about what is best for them as well as for yourself), then stay with him...
Otherwise.. well.. I think you know the answer...
2007-10-05 11:50:28 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I would divorce him. Especially if he kept cheating on me. If someone cheats on you then that means that they really don't love you they just think they have to have everything. The kids could still visit him or get over it.
Good Luck!
2007-10-05 11:50:56 · answer #10 · answered by Threedaysgraceemolover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, what you should do you said you don't want... He says he loves you, which is possible, but he also seems to love other women. The only thing you could try to do is satisfy him more so that he doesn't look to other women, experimenting with different things... Although, if he cheats on you, I don't see why you want to stay with him...
2007-10-05 11:48:46 · answer #11 · answered by Romocop 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋