Is it ok to have a "little good stuff" on the side? I love my husband, I wouldn't say "In Love". We have two kids to take care of. I have often thought of leaving him simply because I am young with no sex life.
Has anyone else left their husbands for this reason?
2007-10-05 11:37:43 · 23 answers · asked by Mary B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should mention we have been married for 12 years. Sex used to be good, but then we had kids, he ruptured two disks in his back, and he has become a "minute man".
BTW: masturbation gets old after while....KWIM
2007-10-05 11:49:15 · update #1
Women excel at sneaky sex and if you don't set a pattern, your husband will never know. Seventy percent of wives sometimes cheat and it may be higher than that because most wives don't admit it. Don't let the hypocrites tell you how to live your life.
Having a little sex on the side will not harm your husband and I believe it will do you and your marriage a lot of good because you will not be so frustrated. Also, if it keep you from leaving your husband, it is better for your children.
2007-10-05 12:55:44 · answer #1 · answered by John 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You don't love him. If you did you wouldn't be asking about the side thing. I am married and have a lousy sex life. That part I understand. Contrary to what you say. I don't love my husband. Like you I have thought of getting myself a lover. But that isn't easy. The problem with having something on the side is keeping it a secret. Many people have left their spouses do to a bad sex life. In my case I still hold some hope in him changing. If think there is no hope then go ahead..and do your thing. Remember there are risks ST D's your husband finding out. The other guy wanting you to leave your husband and kids and go off with him. Also there is the problem of your lover cheating. Because he feels you have 2 men. So why can't he have more than one woman.
2007-10-05 11:51:54 · answer #2 · answered by Red Rose 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wait a minute - did you say you are married and that you live with your parents? This is why there are problems. First - it sounds to me like he IS very tired. He seems to be doing a lot and you never mentioned anything about you working. He is going to school and working? I am doing the same and it is very exausting and I don't have any kids. Second - why is the baby going to bed at midnight? That needs to change. You can't blame him for not having the baby on a schedule. No (8) month old baby should be going to bed at midnight. Is the baby taking really long naps during the day? She should be sleeping for no more than two hours so that they aren't up all night. You can't expect to have sex at midnight with your husband that has worked all day and then gone to school! If you didn't live with your parents you could have sex whenever you want and he would probably feel more comfortable about it.
2016-05-17 06:11:03 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many different types of love. You can certainly love your husband like a man, husband, friend, or even like a family member. The tricky part is figuring out what type of love you feel for him and why. If you feel friendship or family love, can you live that way forever?
Counseling can help teach you ways to reignite the love and passion. You would need to find a therapist specializing in marriage and sex therapy.
The second part of my answer is about the sex itself. Sizzling sex is all about the connection, not the technique. Anyone can learn how and where to touch their partner. If this is the problem, go to bettersex.com and purchase some sex ed videos. They are sexy and educational.
If the problem lies in the connection between you and your husband, there is a much deeper problem. You then have a choice: stay together and work at learning to connect spiritually and sexually or leave and find someone that you do connect with.
Anyone can learn to have good sex. But if you are looking for the sexual experience that stirs your soul, you will find it in connecting with someone. Good luck.
2007-10-05 11:59:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say go to counseling or therapy by yourself so you can sort out your feelings and learn how to deal with your issues before calling it quits.
Marriage is a big commitment; and having kids is a bigger one yet! Nothing in life is either perfect or free...so I think you should definitively make a list of pros and cons before you do something as drastic as leaving your husband and breaking up your marriage, because it will affect everybody around you- especially the children.
Sure, sex is important...But you must work on the issues underneath the bad sex life you have. Be honest with yourself. Do you trust and care for your husband? Is he a good and decent man? IF he is, then try working on yourself....
Think about this and seek counseling. Your pastor or church could help you out, too. Good luck.
2007-10-05 11:45:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cant believe how many excuses I have heard to have an affair. What ever happend in sickness and in health ti'll death do you part? He can have surgery and you both can go through therapy but, ask yourself what it would be like to be in his shoes? That is understanding!!! A true test of character is to ask yourself which is more important, lust or love? Marriage does not always mean hapilly ever after, save that line for a fairy tale. It takes allot of work and so many people are giving up so easy on marriage that eventually at the rate its going marriage will cease to exhist. If you do leave your husband for that reason, I hope he gets better and finds someone that does know the true meaning of love.
2007-10-05 12:04:51 · answer #6 · answered by jack_black_91 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why did you guys get married or have kids if it was so bad? Just wondering... because I can't be with someone if the sex is bad... and that's only because having a good sex life is very important to have in a relationship... it's not the only thing you can offer or anything like that, don't get me wrong...
I think you should talk to him though and see if theres something you can help him with... why is it that he's bad? Explain it to him and tell him not to get offended but he's just not satisfying you and you want to be able to enjoy it with him because you love him... Good luck!
2007-10-05 11:44:14 · answer #7 · answered by N3N@ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
not a husband LOL but i left my first wife for that very reason after talking with her and going to counseling i left her because i was only 32 years old and refused to do without sex for weeks at a time,at first i thought it was me not being able to satisfy her and i did everything possible to make it right ,long story short we divorced and i have since remarried and have had a wonder full marriage and sex life.as for a little good stuff on the side i dont believe in it,
2007-10-05 11:54:23 · answer #8 · answered by Jim F 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from experience, a bad sex life is not cause to leave your husband. Have you talked to him about sex? It's not an easy subject with guys. Catch him in a decent mood, and bring up the subject calmly. Try new things! Maybe he'll get into it. You need to bring this into the open, and explain your needs. Hopefully you two can come to a compromise, and even come up with an awesome sex life in the end. Love is the basis for good sex--the rest is communication!
2007-10-05 11:41:58 · answer #9 · answered by amh 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
You took a vow. Do not cheat. It will not fix anything and cause more problems. If you are truly not happy with your sex life and your husband refuses to work on it or go to therapy with you, then at least leave him first before you move on to someone else.
2007-10-05 17:46:24 · answer #10 · answered by ginsbdg 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋