After a 2 yr affair, he decides he wants to be with his "new love".. (he was never forced to leave his wife) he leaves his home, (to his own place); after 1 yr 6 months, when the time came to move in together, I told him I was not going to live with a married man. Instead of filling for divorce he convinentlly decides he wants to ask his wife for forgiveness and wants to make his marriage work. How can it work after he left for 18 months to be with someone else? At this point I should mention that the only problem in our relationship was that, eventhough he was not living with her and she knew he was in-love or "infatuated" with another woman, she also knew he had been cheating on her since high school (with other girls-women) anyway, they kept having sex every chance they had. I mean I guess bottom line here is: Why did he leave his wife if deep down he knew he didn't want anything serious with me? why put his family through so much pain for no reason at all!!
2007-10-05 11:21:48 · 48 answers · asked by MaryCoronel74 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The only problem in your relationship was that you were involved with a married man. You won't live with one but you'll have an affair with one? What *is* the difference?
What he wants? Why would he do it? Why? Because he's selfish - wants his cake and to eat it too. You were frosting - he had a wife, had he wanted to leave her he'd have done it before getting involved with you.
Remember - you know one side of the story regarding his marital relationship, and I'll guarantee it's slanted in his favor and was detailed to curry favor with you.
2007-10-05 11:28:08 · answer #1 · answered by pepper 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It would be so easy to label him as the jerk, the idiot, the immature one. Unfortunately, there were two selfish people involved in this situation. Even though you realized he was married you still allowed a relationship to continue for two years. Why? Simply because you wanted it.
I believe that he does love his wife, but their relationship may not always be passionate. Passion seems to return when he becomes involved with someone else. She has enabled him to have affairs throughout their marriage and they have established a horrible pattern.
This should have been a warning sign to you. How could they still be together after all this time with so many affairs along the way? Simple answer....she knows that he will always come back.
He is not worthy of you. This is not the man for you. You deserve a man of your own. Not someone's leftovers. Keep searching the right man is out there.
2007-10-05 11:47:58 · answer #2 · answered by princess_august2001b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you willingly put yourself into a situation with a married man?
It takes 2 to tango as the saying goes, so if a person is willing to have an affair with a married person, KNOWING they are married, that puts them at fault just as much as the married individual.
Personally, I would suggest walk away, move on (yes easier said than done) .. I mean why would you want to be with someone who you KNOW is a liar and cheater? Some things people CAN change about themselves, however usually someone who has done what you have described, they will never change. And the wife, well she just enables him to do this by taking him back, and sleeping with him throughout the whole "event"...
2007-10-05 11:35:52 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a pig and just wants to get as many girls in bed as possible. More than likely he was seeing other people beside you while he was cheating on his wife. If you really try to have a serious relationship he's only going to cheat on you the same way he did his wife. He'll probably end up leaving you after a few years for someone younger. Sorry, guys like that are pathetic!
2007-10-05 11:29:20 · answer #4 · answered by TM25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You asked: “Why did he leave his wife if deep down he knew he didn't want anything serious with me?”
My guess is because he wanted to have some fun (with no regard for who he hurt in the process) and now he’s done having fun.
What do I think of him? I think he’s a jerk.
What do I think of a woman who would get involved with a married man? Very little. I do find it ironic that you refused to live with a married man, but you’d have an affair with one.
What do I think of a wife who’d forgive her hubby in this situation? I think she’s not overly intelligent.
2007-10-05 11:36:37 · answer #5 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, I really don't know, but the bottom line is a caveat against involvement with married people; it can't possibly have a happy ending, and if you "win" the prize, all you've gotten for your troubles is a cheater. I have no doubt you're thinking "that's the most simplistic nonsense I've ever heard", but think about it: all of the things you're wondering about right now would be a non-issue had you steered clear of him in the first place. There's no foundation you can rely upon in these circumstances. These things are bad news for reasons...only a few of them are obvious ahead of time.
2007-10-05 11:31:23 · answer #6 · answered by Captain S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you know what ? with a married man, you will always be asking yourself why, married men rarely ever leave their wives for several reasons, 1. it's cheaper to keep her, 2. the kids, 3. he just doesn't want to start over with a new woman, a new life, new in-laws, he doesn't really know if you guys will work out or not, 4. he doesn't want to lose all he has invested, 5. he may truly and genuinely love his wife and kids.
baby girl, let this be a lesson learned, never ever mess with a married man, you will only end up broken hearted after wasting precious time waiting on his a.s.s
2007-10-05 11:38:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe because she knew he was cheating and she allowed it to continue. He knows with you, he can't have his cake and eat it too. He is no prize; think you have learned this the hard way. Be thankful you found out before he did get a divorce and marry you; cause he would have cheated on you also. He is a serial cheater and that takes therapy and insight into his actions to change that. Heal and go on to a much brighter future without him.
2007-10-05 11:37:29 · answer #8 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look. You were a port in a bored storm.Most men, and women, want one home base. Some want to have an alternate, just in case. Just because youve been apart doesn't automatically set the intended relationship up to fail, even though many do. A guy like you describe isn't worth it though, even when we don't know the why's of it. Just forget about him and move on.
2007-10-05 11:42:57 · answer #9 · answered by reinformer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships born out of affairs survive less than 5 percent of the time. If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you. If he's living this deception with you today, how could you ever trust him if you did get into a legitimate relationship with him?
It's time to move forward. If you're putting your life on hold for a married man, he's stolen not only your heart — he's stolen your brain!
2007-10-05 11:28:28 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋