Internet affair ?

Question

I have been married for 3 years ... met and married him within 6 months .. stupid i know .. but eh ! .. anyway ... i have recently started chatting to a man who lives 150 miles away .. we have spoken most days .. phone and on the interent and he is also married and has suggested we meet .. i know what ur thinking .. it would be for sex , but its not it is genuine freindship .. and who knows what would come of it .. just im not sure what to do ...?

Answer 1

Oh darling, you're cheating on yourself first and foremost:

You're using the Internet and the other man as an escape from your marriage and so is he. I know this will bring temporary excitement into your life but who are you fooling? Cheating is like a drug. It will bring temporary relief from whatever you're going through, only to get you deeper and deeper involved and finally leave you more powerless and twisted. Where do you see your future?

Firstly, let's talk about your marriage. Evidently you're unhappy in your marriage. You need to make a decision whether you want to stay or leave your marriage. If it's someone you don't see a future with, why waste your time on staying? If i'ts someone you want to work it out with, why are you wasting your time on remaining distant?

Secondly, you may love the attention he's giving you, but do you really want to go to bed at night being the other woman? What is a sexual relationship going to do for you? Why are you allowing him to use you as an escape? And if you think you may have a future with him, what is your goal? To be his wife and treated like the one he has now?

Internet affairs are rarely reality. The distance and controlled environment and setting leave too much room for fantasies and building up a person that doesn't exist.

I know what it's like to feel trapped in a marriage, I've been there. But put yourself and your happiness first. Be strong and graceful. Don't compromise yourself becasue you're going through a moment of weakness or feel stuck in a situation---your deserve so much more than being unhappy and sleeping with a married man! Figure out what you want for your future, plan it out in details and get yourself there!

Answer 2

While not as cautious as the people above I would say meeting someone you know online is somewhat of a risk. I think that part of what attracts you to this other man is that he is not your husband. The fact that he wants to meet you should raise a few caution flags. If he is married, has he mentioned his new "friend" to his spouse? If not and things go down the path everyone above thinks they will, how do you know that he will be loyal to you? A fair weather mate is not really a good thing to have. I think many times people place what they are looking for inside an Internet friend. It is a simple mechanism, as you have not had prolonged contact or any direct contact, this individual has yet to significantly disappoint you. They are always on your side and extremely supportive. In laymen terms, they are perfect. I would recommend that you resolve the issues in your current relationship prior to embarking a quest for another.

Answer 3

From one married woman to another dont do it! I have nothing to lose here nor nothing to gain, Im only giving you advise that is logical. Lets just say that I were you and you me, and your reading about me preparing to hook up with a married man, and Im married, what advise would you give me? Come on, this guy doesnt give a crap about you, how could he? you two dont even know each other, oh sure you two talk on the phone and you chat on line, big deal! I know your not stupied, foolish maybe? bored with your marriage most likely, but are you the kind of woman who can sneak around and lie and cheat? this is what you will do and be if you hook up with Mr. Internet! I think maybe you like the thrill of kinda being the bad girl, chances are your marriage isnt solid, cause if it were you wouldnt be going around behind your hubbys back and playing head games with another man. And if you think for one minute that Mr.Internets intentions are not sexual, then Im the president of the united states! Come on wake up! Do you think he wants to meet you because he,s interested in your brain? and he wants to hear you talk? Ive never met a guy that wants to hear whats on a girls mind, unless its sex! You are not thinking right, you are finding your marriage is becoming dull and your looking for excitment, if this is the case, get a divorce and then start dating- MEN WHO ARE NOT MARRIED!

Answer 4

You may need to ask yourself what is missing from your marriage since you have been willing to be intimate with another man... yes, I mean intimate, more than if you were having sex with him - you are sharing your intimate thoughts, yourself and your soul with someone who is not your husband... what is lacking in your relationship?

Ask yourself that question and keep a journal or a private blog until you get a more clear picture of what that is... distraction, attention, affection, getting back at hubby for something,... you will find the answer if you persistently seek it within you.

Once you have the answer, ask yourself if you can have that with your hubby. If you can, great, cut off the web guy and pour your energy into hubby and forget about this affair - never tell hubby about it.

If you cannot, seek to find why. If it cannot be, end your marriage before taking up with somone else...

it is very seductive to be involved with the web guy; however, it will bring you, him, your hubby and his wife/family great grief if you cannot end it. It is dishonest and will hurt you, no matter how great it feels right now...

Till you get more clarity, put the web guy on "freeze". Give you marriage a shot first, you can always pick back up again with web guy later...

If you decide to be your hubby's 100% wife, the best thing you can do is to pour your energy and passion into hubby - anytime you feel the urge to conact or answer web guy, pick up the phone and call hubby and tell him you love him or were thinking about him; or hug him if he's nearby. He will not respond the way web guy responds, but give hubby time, attention and affection and you'll see the miracle of him turning into YOUR man right before your eyes...
Good luck!

Hope this helps...

Answer 5

What if your husband wanted to meet another woman under the same circumstances? How understanding would you be to him? Plus too, you don't know if his wife knows about you either and may be heading for trouble. I have no problem seeing married women having guy friends, or married guys having friends that are female but, if you are meeting alone and not telling your husband about it then he may read more into it than what it actually is. Trust is one thing you have to have to be married in the first place allong with being faithfull & honest. If you have fallen out of love then get divorced, then their is no question about whether meeting other people is right or wrong and no fear of getting caught.

Answer 6

No, no longer all. i think of that internet affairs are incorrect whether you under no circumstances plan on assembly the guy offline considering which you're nonetheless emotionally or sexually linked to somebody different then your better half. while you're thinking approximately having an internet affair you will desire to in all probability reevaluate your marriage and locate out what's incorrect on your marriag it somewhat is making you have those strategies.

Answer 7

If you find yourself keeping this 'friendship' from your husband, then it is out of line and inappropriate. If he is 'just a friend' then have him bring his wife and you your husband and meet as couples. "Just friends" want to share their families with each other. Genuine friends don't do things that are destructive to one another.

Anything that has to be kept from your spouse is a deception. It is taking energy from the primary relationship. It will hurt the partner and cause damage to the trust in a relationship. It also tends to escalate over time, sometimes rather quickly. The fantasy aspect tends to get mixed up in reality and marriages suffer. Emotional energy is taken from the marriage.

It can be dangerous to the marriage. On the net, you never really know who you are really taking to, it could be someone much older, even in the same town, just telling you their fantasy persona. The next link is a real story. The man is now charged with murder.
http://www.wired.com/politics/law/magazine/15-09/ff_internetlies?currentPage=all

It's so easy to be the 'perfect' person online. You have time to think of the things to say to present yourself, no REAL problems to deal with. Your on a very dangerous road. Most likely, what "would come of it" is lots of pain for many people, even yourself if you find, like many 'other women' that he just wanted the fantasy side and dumped you when his wife finds out and insists he do so if he wants to save his marriage. Even if you do end up together, you will go through major pain on both side to get there. Any relationship based on deception initially is a high risk one. Do you really want a man who you can see is out trolling on the internet for women to meet up with and have an affair. Hon, you might be one of many he chats with.

Following are some links to other articles. There are more on the yahoo group site listed in sources.

http://www.shirleyglass.com/columbus.htm

http://members.tripod.com/jill_m46-ivil/betrayedspouses/id30.html

http://www.harley.com/writing/relationships-and-the-net.html

http://www.smh.com.au/news/icon/virtual-adultery/2005/08/16/1123958066357.html

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/infidelity/ht/online_affair.htm

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/emotionalaffairs/f/onlineaffairs.htm
Source(s):

A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links on infidelity in FILES. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files. Simple to join. Look under emotional affairs and internet infidelity

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/

Answer 8

Well, do you love your husband? If you love your husband but still feel very good when you talk to the online guy, go and meet him and you'll make yourself a very new friend and that's it. No affair, no biggie. If you love your husband nothing more will happen between you and the other guy. Go! It's nice to have very good friends. You can meet, see if you click and if you do, just next time bring your spouses with you so that's how you guys will have new friends.
P.S. I met and married my husband within 6 months too, it's not stupid.

Answer 9

Think it twice!..

How do you love and respect your married husband? You have to think about the effect on your married relationship to your your husband once your anticipating extra marital affair with chatting mate will be discovered? What will happen to your relationship If you have a jealous husband? Is your husband does not respect you much? If yes, then how can you handle your ancipated extra-marital affair secretely from your hubby without discovery?

I had that situation but because I confessed to my hubby to realized my fantasy and he understand my needs and desires, he gave me permission with the promised to tell him all details after what had had happened. So I invited my guy to meet me and we found we both were married and then our affair was so short to end. I was happy to have my husband full of respect and understanding to me. That's why my life without him is so empty. I loved him too and respect him so much. I would not leave our house with out his permission. We often have our communication and no secrete to keep.

I wonder if you can do it with out ruinning your married life?

Answer 10

I think I would keep my butt at home. Even if it was not a sexual meeting in my book it is still cheating. What would your husband think if he found out you were even talking to this guy on a daily basis. The grass is more than likely not any greener 150 miles away.