this is a sex related question. adults only?

Question

let just assume that this person (woman) cannot climax properly unless she thinks of a special someone that she knows and feel attraction for, but life just has moved them to different directions and it's not appropriate to make a move towards him.
anyway.... sometimes she says 'ok, it's just a thing that happens, i find him very desirable, no big deal' .....and yet other times she wonders if she's in denial and she really loves him. and that there is something more than just lust etc because
the tricky thing here is that she feels like giving all her self to him and letting go totally (which causes the climax) and it's not just a porn-like thought that gets you excited and nothing else but that happens.
she has tried to change her thought pattern (alone or a partner) but it seems like his desire is overpowering her in many more levels than just physical.
I don't suppose many men will understand this question but I hope many women will. to leave things as they are or accept love?

ps 1 by accepting love one will have to come clean with this person and face consquences
ps 2 by saying 'climaxing properly' I mean the full blown kind that all of yourself is involved in and it's not that ephemeral thing just located you know where

Answer 1

You love the guy, and there's no amount of logic that's going to change that fact...you can't "will" it away, you can't change your thought patterns, and there's no "minimize" button to lessen it's intensity. The question is: what do you intend to do about it? I get that you said it was inappropriate to move towards him...that was about as cryptic an assertion as any I've heard. May we know why?
Where love is concerned, you can (and likely will) love many people and things during a lifetime....each situation will be unique, but there are certain similarities...the base emotion is the same, which means you will "feel" it the same way. Another truth: you can love anything or anyone; your heart doesn't care what or why, it will respond accordingly. Loving well will sustain you and you will thrive. Loving poorly will drag you down. That's pretty clear, isn't it? So orgasms notwithstanding, is this guy worth the love you're pouring into him (are you thriving), or is loving him dragging you down? Last truth: No one that knows you can tell the difference (though everyone has opinions and theories); only you know for sure which is which. And yours is the only answer that matters. But I hope you'll seek happiness wherever it takes you, otherwise what's the point?

Answer 2

Well, that is a new one on me but when I think about it I climax better with the man I am now with than I can ever remember doing before. My advice to you is you need to find this man and face these issues you are having. You cannot not have a truly honest relationship with another until you get this done. Who knows, you 2 may live a long,meaningful, and happy life together. Good luck!!!

Answer 3

Could it be possible that you have created an (unnecessary) link between thinking of the deep love for this one person and while you might be able to emotionally engage with another, you know that the way you can climax best is to use this "tool". Might be worthwhile to seek counseling to find another tool that is less damaging to a potential new relationship. Once you start viewing this as a tool for climaxing, you might be better equipped to find a new tool.

Answer 4

a woman can usually only climax with someone she feels comfortable with. maybe when she thinks of this person she is put at ease and is able to do it easier. if she cant stop thinking about this person she may not be in love, it may just be a really strong sexual attraction. but she'll never know until she finds out so maybe she should just have sex with this man of her dreams.

Answer 5

And yet if the guy you are screwing confesses to thinking about another woman as the only way he can climax, you would feel completely used and lied to and you'd cut his nuts off, right?

Your lack of respect for men is evident if you are screwing one guy but can only get off thinking of another. I don't expect you as a woman to understand that, and other sexist comments that sound like yours.

You are clearly still in love with Guy A. So stop screwing Guy B. Or grow a spine and tell him you use his equipment as the only way to get off while you think of this other guy.

Answer 6

You need to see if you and this person can have something together. Let him know how you feel. If he doesn't feel the same then maybe you can move on. Your stuck in the "what if" zone. It will remain alive until you find out. Get what I'm saying.

Answer 7

If life has moved you to different directions and it's not appropriate to make a move, then you have answered your question. As for getting him out of your head, my only advice would be to fill your life with as many other men as possible until the memory of him is completely drowned out. But that's probably not real healthy.......... sorry.

Answer 8

You have tied up your emotions and orgasms to this person. You need to come clean with them and if things work out great and if they don't I believe you will also of freed up your little problem because you will feel available to someone else.

Answer 9

It sounds to me like you have some seriously repressed feelings in your psychie. I think before you proceed with any other relationship you need closure with your prior relationship. Its not fair to any of you, and normally with women, closure is the biggest issue.

Answer 10

Yeah , i think i do understand ,and I say go for it ,by the way