I have been married for five years, but I am not truly happy in my marriage. I get along with my wife, but we are not really connected. We do not have a lot in common, but once in a while we are able to carry on some good conversations.
We have a wonderful four-year-old daughter, and I am a devoted father. I absolutely adore my daughter, but I am terrified knowing that a divorce would make things worse for her.
Unfortunately, the divorce laws in my state greatly favor the mother in custody cases. My wife has some issues that are of concern, and I am uncomfortable with the idea of my wife getting primary custody. My wife has ADHD, depression, and, under stress, her immaturity surfaces in front of my daughter. My daughter sees the behaviors and has even asked me "Why is mommy acting like a baby?"
I have been able to tolerate my marriage because my daughter is there with me. I hate divorce, but it seems like it might be the right choice. I hate the state laws that work against me.
2007-10-05 08:13:40 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was married for ten years to an emotionally immature woman with bi-polar disorder. I had three beautiful children with her that I adore and being the best father I can be to them is the most important thing in my life. So I really understand where you are coming from. It's funny how lonely you can be sleeping next to someone every night.
As a rule I believe in doing everything possible to preserve the family and marriage and avoid divorce when children are involved. The sad reality is that if you are unhappy your wife is unhappy as well and that will eventually destroy your marriage and the question of divorce my not be left up to you in the end.
If I were in your shoes I would do everything I could to get your wife the help she needs to be more stable and improve your relationship. But at the same time I suggest building a case so that if you do separate you can prove to the judge that your daughter is better off with you. In other words hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
Good luck
2007-10-05 08:28:18 · answer #1 · answered by DarkWolf 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is not an easy situation. I went through a divorce when my baby was only 3 months old due to my ex husband's problems, violence, etc. It was very hard because I detest divorce and prior to his problems we were best friends. However, it became so bad that I literally had no other choice. I still suffer from bouts of low self-esteem, depression, and a lack of self-worth. Just ask yourself if there is any possibility that your wife will get some help. Tell her that you would like to undergo marriage counseling. If that fails, then call an attorney and see what your options are. It might be that you could get a good lawyer to at least fight for some shared custody for you. That way, you can get on with your life without being dragged down, but still take part in raising your daughter. Good luck.
2007-10-05 15:21:35 · answer #2 · answered by questions 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just about all states favor Mom until she is proven unfit to be custodial parent. You can prove she is medically unstable to be custodial parent with medical records. Divorce is never easy on anyone involved especially children but there comes apoint in every life where we have to make the tough decisions for the best interest of our kids and if you feel this would be best for all then by all means go for it. You willhave toprobably show you have the means and ways to take care of your daughter as a singe Dad but should have no problem here. You will have to show any possible dangers for your daughter when Mom is in one of these mood swings but it has to be done. Good luck
2007-10-05 15:24:33 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're in a sorry situation. Any chance you can move, as a family, to a state with more favorable custody laws?
But first, you might want to look into some counseling with a qualified therapist (i.e., no degrees from schools you never heard of).
My wife decided a couple of years ago to divorce me because she "fell in love" with somebody else. (She since married him, and I never really loved her much anyway, and have fallen in love with another woman, so getting back together is NOT an option.) Not being able to be with my daughter is killing me.
2007-10-05 15:23:25 · answer #4 · answered by Bryce 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is only OK when there is unfaithful behavior going on at least that is what Jesus Christ said. Get some church counseling work it out. You were in love once before and I'm sure made a vow of good or bad sick or health well be a man stick it out. I ve been married 7 years and its not easy I thought of leaving around 5 years also I'm glad I didn't My marriage is awesome right now and it will stay that way as long as we work at it everyday! You can have the same thing if you involve God and communication I promise. Good luck.
2007-10-05 15:24:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
'As we learn to love we realise we can't love the perfect person, but rather an imperfect person, perfectly.'
Don't look for all the flaws in your wife. If she has ADHD then try and help her a little bit and talk to her about how you feel. Have you ever done that? Find out how she's really feeling and maybe you can work something out. Maybe she wishes she was closer to you aswell? Don't throw it all away. Especially if you have a young daughter.
Hope you make the right choice. Good luck!
2007-10-05 15:26:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like yo have a lot going for you as well as a lot going on between the lines, for the sake of you child i'd suggest you and your wife go to a marriage counsellor, but i am puzzled, in the begining you say your not happy is this when the problem started with your wife's behaviour or were you happy
and then this started cause maybey your wife is on to what you ain't feeling any more and may have kept hidden and it's finnaly coming to the surface, in any case think of the child cause if you don't the court's will regaurdless of what you have or don't have in common . . .
good luck . . .
2007-10-05 15:26:53 · answer #7 · answered by Ben 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you seek marriage counseling first? Divorce seems a little extreme as it sounds like you care about your wife a great deal.
2007-10-05 15:20:08 · answer #8 · answered by Kathy R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is not the answer. God is. He can fix anything. It will hurt your child tremendously if you divorce. Trust me. I am a product of a divorced family.
2007-10-05 15:17:46 · answer #9 · answered by KIMI750 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Learn to develop new and improved communications with your wife. She needs your help. Help her and help yourself.
2007-10-09 15:20:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋