I have been taking care of my wonderful stepson since he was 2 yrs old. He's now 6. (The mom was on drugs at that time and wanted her son to stay with dad) We both knew she was a loser and we never demanded any money from her all these yrs. Since that time she has had a 3 yr. girl and I just had my new son. Last year my husband took the mom to court to establish custody because the mom had got on Welfare a couple of times without our knowledge. Anyway its established that they split custody, she get's him in the summer. We did not file for child support because she begged us not to cuz she needed to find a place to live. It's been a year since then! She still lives with her boyfriends parents. She had a job for a hot second and then quit. We told her, it's time to pay at least $100 so we can put him in karate. She couldn't even do that she sends $85. What do we do? I'm fed up! Now that I am not working I feel that she should get a job and pay.
2007-10-05 08:08:55 · 20 answers · asked by Journey 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just to add we are really struggling just to make ends meet. My husband says it's pointless to ask her. He always feels sorry for her. I feel it's time for to step up.
2007-10-05 08:09:21 · update #1
Oh just to let everyone know I work hard to take care of her son when my husband was out of work. I am currently looking for work now. HELLO our kids have to eat. If this was the other way around the father would have been hunted down to pay more than $100. It's been almost 5 yrs that she hasn't paid sh*t and she just started paying $85 a month ago. HELP !
2007-10-05 08:09:41 · update #2
I Love My Hair, sorry to be the bearer of poor news but I somehow doubt that taking her to court would do any good. As you stated she is on Welfare and so cannot afford it. Even if she has the odd job under the table she has no intention of being responsible for some of her sons needs and/or wants. If you've been responsible for playing the mother role for this little guy for 5 years now he knows inside him who his real mother is (regardless of who gave him birth). It sounds like you are very proud to be his step mother and a very and loving one to boot. Your husband is correct and it is natural for him to feel sorry for this woman (as she wasn't always living the lifestyle she is today I don't imagine while with him). Sad that your own children have to suffer a little because of financial difficulties but there are many families in the same shoes as yours and somehow they always manage. And the majority of these families end up being a lot closer usually then those who don't have to suffer and work for everything they get. Sorry but you are this little guys mom and that is the bottom line, whether it is just six months of the year or not, as you are the positive role model and one consistent thing in his life. Please do not begin to resent this little guy for his mother's behaviour and/or morals and values. You and your husband sound like you have done your best for all involved and someday (and it may take years and years) you will be rewarded for this. Even if it is just to be proud as you watch him graduate from college or university, inside you will beam with pride as you realize that it was through your suffering and difficulties that he was able to achieve some of his life's goals. And trust me when the time comes he will repay you and your husband 1000 fold. Best of luck and save your money for a lawyer taking this woman to court as she will never follow any court order that may be presented. Again best of luck.
2007-10-05 08:24:05 · answer #1 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not your problem it's your husband's issue.. YES you two are married, but there are certain things which each of us as adults need to handle on our own.
I can tell you this -- if the ex wife gets any sort of income which is non-taxable (such as SSI or State welfare), it can not be used to pay child support... it's non taxable income.
And i have to wonder why the court didn't require her to pay child support? It's the law... and i'm a woman and i had to pay it while my son lived with his father from age 15 - 18. If i didn't, i had to have a medical excuse or had to be receiving non taxable income, etc., or i'd go to jail... it was simple as that.
It IS unfortunate she isn't paying child support.. you said she had drug problems so she probably also has mental illness issues -- most addicts and/or alcoholics do, and it's not though any fault of their own that they have mental illness or emotional problems.
Sometimes we have to accept our lives and the way things are, and just try to move forward.. getting yourself all upset about this, isn't healthy and it's certainly not going to change things.
Perhaps gather your dignity, and try to move forward. Do what you and your husband can afford for the kids.. even though it would be very nice if the child could take karate, it won't kill him if he can't right now -- the kids will always remember the encouragement, support and love you've given them and that is most important.
2007-10-05 08:22:28 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, understand that you can't MAKE her pay... but you can have a court order it. Then, if she has a job, usually the office that handles Child Support (again, in TX it's the AG's office) can order the employer to withold the payments from her check as long as the order is not more than 1/2 of her pay. If she's not working, an order can still be put into effect and delinquent C/S can cause numerous other issues to intice her to pay - she could be arressted, she can't get re-married,e tc.... As a mom who shares custody and PAYS CHILD SUPPORT I think it's rediculous for either parent to shirk this kind of responsibilty so I suggest you take her back to court.
2007-10-05 08:18:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would seriously think that the courts are going to consider the child emotional and academic well being far more than the child support payments. With this said, you need to go back to the courts (your husband) and file a petition to have the support payments stopped for this child. Custody cases are always changing and the courts are always looking for what is in the best interest of the child.
2016-05-17 05:12:00 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make her pay support....your husband has to take her to court and a court order will be put in place if the judge decides that she should pay support.....But on another note.....you said that you and your husband are struggling...do you really think Karate lessons are a necessity for your step son? When you are not making enough money...you need to find other ways to make money and cut out unnecessary spending...Just my two cents worth......
2007-10-05 08:14:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The system is what it is. It going to be a big challenge to get support from the mom. If it was the other way around you husband would be in Jail. Its going to be difficult but will need to get to court. If is not establish by court she won't make it. You need the legal document it you can get it.
2007-10-05 08:16:34 · answer #6 · answered by jmclaudio76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is unreasonable to expect a mother with legal rights to support her son financially. You have to support your family too. I would go to the Child Support office for your state (here in TX, it is handled by the Attorney General's office) and file for an order. There is a minimum standard that all parents are at least ordered to pay even if the parent is unemployed.
2007-10-05 08:13:12 · answer #7 · answered by vaughnc5920 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
UntilDad is ready to face her in court over this,nothing will happen mostly because this issue is between your hubby and his ex only and nothing you say or do will change anything legally. Your hubby has to petition the courts to act upon this. Even if it does get to court theres no guarantee anything can happen because you cant get blood where there is none to get so it may be all be for naught and theres only so much the courts can do here. Good luck
2007-10-05 08:17:13 · answer #8 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get Friend of the Court involved and let them do their job. They will set up an honest amount she can pay based on her employment, living conditions, etc. But given what you've said, you probably won't get any money anyway. Can't squeeze blood out of a turnip.
2007-10-05 08:16:25 · answer #9 · answered by real_kiss_fan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel BUT if the childs father refuses to take her for child support there is nothing legally that can be done. In a sense, its not your business even though you take care of the child. Convince your hubby to take her to court but if she is not working and the only income she has is welfare, you still wont be getting anything.
2007-10-05 08:14:51 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋