HI, tonight is been a horrible night! I know my husband for 1 year and 9 months we had a daughter 8 months ago everything was perfect before we had our baby we used to have sex almost every night, I mean wild sex! and it seem to e that he loved it, well After I had my baby we had sex maybe 3 times a week, but is been like 4 months that we only have it three times a month!
He comes from work watches TV for like 30 to 45 minutes then he eats then play the play station, spends a little bitof time with our baby! then do homework for like 2 hours then gets in the shower, he goes to bed sometimes and doesnt say good night! and today we had and argument because he doesnt want to do anything with me, and he says that he's very tired and needs to get some sleep for next day to work! I told him that sex is very important in a marriage and he said that it is not important to him, and I say that he was very wrong and imature for saying that, because sex is one the the things that keeps marriage!
Additional Details
31 minutes ago
Sex is one the the things that keeps a marriage alive! anf he said that I was the childish one cause I dont understand that he's tired and we should have sex early, but we live with my parents, so we cant have sex early! and the baby doesnt sleeps until 12:00 pm, so we cant do it anyway, I dont know whats wrong with him, I feel like he doesnt love me or see me atractive! I know hes not cheatig on me but a man cant live without sex either! Help me please!
21 minutes ago
I dont like to be the one who always starts the sex! when we have sex he goes straight to you know where, Im sick of it, I wish he was the one who kisses me all over, but no Im the one who does all that, I have talk to him about it many times, all he did tonight was left the room and sleep in the couch didnt say good night to our baby either like everyother night! is wierd cause Im his 3 girls that he has sex with,
I am a very sexy woman Im not fat, I dont know what Im doind wrong!
2007-10-05 08:01:42 · 15 answers · asked by Ursula M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am assuming that you aren't working at a job and stay at home with the baby. Your man is working all day, coming home and doing homework, trying to be a father, living with his in-laws, and trying to be a husband. He has a FULL plate.
My first suggestion is to be looking for a home together, so that you can actually be a married couple, by yourself. While you are doing that, work on being a more loving, appreciative wife and this can start instantly. Be understanding of his needs and realize that he is working hard everyday to support his family. He needs to feel that he is needed and appreciated for what he does, not nagged at bedtime for being tired. Why not greet him at the door every evening with a kiss and an I love you? Ask him how his day was. Suggest going out for dinner (even to McDonald's) at least twice a week to get out of the house and be alone together (without Mom and Dad and the baby in tow). Work hard to show him you love him in little ways
About the sex...if he wants to have sex in the morning..have it!!!! Never turn sex away from your man. It sounds like to me BOTH of you are denying each other sex, not just him. Your parents know you're married and obviously know you're having sex, so what's the problem. Just tone it down a bit and keep the baby quite or let Mom and Dad babysit. Just think of the rewards you will be reaping in the end:).
What do you look like when he gets in from work? Sweats and a T-shirt? Get cleaned up, shave your legs, put on something nice (not dressy, just not sweats or sleep wear), smell nice, fix your hair and makeup...just for him. When he looks at you and asks what the special occasion is, simply say..you and smile. Make this a habit and look and be your best to him everyday. I bet when the two of you started dating you always looked your best, so why should it be any different, now? Just because you're married doesn't mean you don't have to work to keep the relationship alive.
Making a conscious effort to put yourself aside and think of his needs will take patience and love, but you can do it. Know that it will take a little while to see the change occur, but remember that you always catch more flies with honey that sh*t!
Be good to your man...treat him like a king and he will make you the queen of his castle! Good luck!!
2007-10-05 09:08:15 · answer #1 · answered by Gretta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait a minute - did you say you are married and that you live with your parents? This is why there are problems.
First - it sounds to me like he IS very tired. He seems to be doing a lot and you never mentioned anything about you working. He is going to school and working? I am doing the same and it is very exausting and I don't have any kids.
Second - why is the baby going to bed at midnight? That needs to change. You can't blame him for not having the baby on a schedule. No (8) month old baby should be going to bed at midnight. Is the baby taking really long naps during the day? She should be sleeping for no more than two hours so that they aren't up all night. You can't expect to have sex at midnight with your husband that has worked all day and then gone to school!
If you didn't live with your parents you could have sex whenever you want and he would probably feel more comfortable about it.
2007-10-05 08:27:01 · answer #2 · answered by Paula Christine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm pretty sure he's stressed. Sex IS very important in marriage, I'm sure he knows it as well, but is way overworried about putting bread on the table, for all of you. If he's willing to have sex in the morning then it's unlikely that he's cheating on you.
He must be stressed, try to talk with him, see if there's any way you can help him.
Another thing to consider is his relation with your parents, how is it? Remember that when you're stressed you can easily feel the place you live in is overcrowded. Maybe if it was you alone that would help? Have you tried to get yourself your own house?
Dear I say you should get him to confess what's wrong, but watch out how, the easiest way to catch bees is with honey!
Next time he returns from work try making him feel good, but not in an erotic way, give him a massage, prepare dinner for him, and of course, dress yourself the sexiest! Let him forget his problems for a second and then sweetly ask him, to the ear if you want, what are his problems and worries, he should talk to you then!
Good luck, I tried to help you the best I could, hope it's been helpful!
May God bless you!
2007-10-06 13:26:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Psychologically an affair begins to cool after 2-2 and a half years . this is a sociological thing . The basis is that this is about the time it takes for a child to survive so the parents look at splitting the mechanism is that after this time the partners begin to see each other not as lovers but relations perhaps Sister brother , and society has a taboo against incest doesn't it .In all truth fullness he probably wanted to remain as things were before you married Did you pressure him - Be honest now ! I wouldn't try to trap him by getting pregnant he will deeply resent it . Did he have affairs during the 7 years you were together , perhaps he would prefer to go back to this . Women tend to think of ''Ownership'' and his sex drive is one way of expressing his resent ment . I think you should take a break away without him so you both can be honest about your feeling if you need to separate If he needs to separate you must accept this however difficult and hard
2016-04-07 05:54:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to you. I could have written this myself...meaning I know how you feel. When I was dating my husband we read that 6 % of adults have sex 4 or more times a week. We just laughed and said it would never happen to us. 6% was our code word for sex. I just said to him last night that 5% of marriage is sex...but if you aren't getting that...it seems like 95%! We have his kids and they are 11 (twins)....they just learned all about sex and now he is scared that they will catch us or be listening. So he doesn't want to be caught. I said to him that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard! Some times I think you just have to play along and give the man what he wants....the biggest reason is he will last longer. I try to please him even when I'm upset with him. Try to make sure though there is a night that you get some good lovin' in return. I'm in the same boat and I don't think I will ever see 6% ever again. I wish you the best!
2007-10-05 08:19:53 · answer #5 · answered by hard rock girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well stop the long talk and u dont said too much about you, how was u body before and after, after the baby u body changed a lot??? i know the american way " i am not fat" but she is super fat...well dear i think is time to move on..for a while..u hubby has a extrarelation ...fallow him and u can see with u own eyes...talk with him ...but nothing much...u changed and the sex changed and u body changed and every thing changed is too soon but sorry dear..for sure he has another woman. Sex is not everything u must be show respect and love u body and love u person, u must be cute and slim take care of yourself be slim be in good shape and nice if u hubby does not care about that well something wrong and well time to move on. Outside there are a lot of man who love you more!! u r not a slave
2007-10-05 08:20:06 · answer #6 · answered by Ronald 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is very common. One thing you'll have to realize is that he is honestly tired. It has nothing to do with his love for you or whether or not you are still attractive. Like you said, you had a baby 8 months ago, so he is as stressed about being a new parent as you are - not to mention the stress of the outside world, and providing for a family. Girl, the man is tired! If he wants to do it in the morning, you need to suck it up and do it in the morning. If you have your own room, try to do it quietly, and others in the house will never know.
His other hobbies are for de-stressing. Your sex life may be hard work for him, and therefore is not de-stressing for him.
2007-10-05 08:09:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow that really sucks! You need fore play thats one of the things that seperates us from animals. Maybe he is scared of having another child. Maybe he doesnt want to see you go threw that pain again. The problem is he needs to talk to you about it and be onest stop hidding behind everything else and just be strait with you. Comunication is very important as well as putting each other ahead of yourselves always. My husband and I have an agreement that we wont do anything that we wouldnt want done to us. So we think alote before we do. Does that make sence? Good luck!
2007-10-05 08:28:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a good head on your shoulders girl the only mistake i see you've made is marrying a boy to do a mans job. First thing i would do is buy some toys and play with yourself in front of him to see if he gets interested in joining in on all the fun it's to bad they don't make sex toys remote controlled he could pretend it was his play station hahaha .. If you playing with toys in front of him doesn't get a rise out of him,,, he either doesn't love or find you attractive anymore or he's cheating or all the above.. try the toys first before you jump to any conclusions.
2007-10-05 08:17:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all STOP blaming yourself ....its not you. He is either cheating or pre-occupied with other things. If he has time for TV and video games he has time to play with you. You guys need a spark. Can your parents babysit while you plan a nice dinner, movie, hotel thang for you and the hubby? He needs to stop with the excuses because him not having aproblem with it and you having a problem with it SHOULD mean..there is a problem and it needs to be dealt with NOT ignored. Also, its time for you guys to get your own place which would make a BIG difference.
2007-10-05 08:11:42 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋