I have been up here complaining about my situation with the guy that got me pregnant, I am 4months pregnant, and he wants me to have a abortion etc, stating that we don't get along. I t's not that we don't get along it's that he has a girlfriend that feels a certain way about the situation so he is being a jerk to me. I guess he's scared that if I have the baby it would ruin his relationship with her. I have pleaded with him..not recently though about wanting the baby how the baby is a blessing, and he said he didn't want it. I stopped calling him changed my #, and now he's popping up at my house leaving notes under my door while I'm work, I just didn't want anything to do with him, so I called him today and I told him that I had the abortion and he flipped out on me and hung up. I didn't really have the abortion I just told him that in hopes that he will leave me alone now that I finally did what he wanted me to do. But I am lost why he cursed me out and hung up on me. I feel really
2007-10-05 07:52:08 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
bad for telling such a huge lie. I prayed over it I asked Gog for forgiveness, I just didn't know what else to do I was becoming so stressed out and I was afraid that I would lose my baby if I continued on with the drama he was bringing my way
2007-10-05 07:53:58 · update #1
I respect everyones perspective, However just because I am not married doesn't make me a horrible person. I have a very supportive family that I know will support me through my pregnancy and when the baby gets here. I am 25 with a lot going for myself. I am in my 2nd year of law school, and I'm a probabtion officer. I get daily stress from my job and schooling, and I just don't need any from him. At the end of the day he will miss out on this blessing not me. I will hold my blessing on April 18th if he decides to come out that day. We all make make decisions in life that we are not proud of..so please stop trying to desicrate my character.
2007-10-05 08:20:44 · update #2
You did the right thing on all counts.
You kept your baby, you protected yourself and your baby from danger, and you are moving on with your life.
Don't second guess yourself when you know you did the right thing.
You should be proud of yourself for being a survivor.
2007-10-05 07:54:49 · answer #1 · answered by Joey 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You did the wrong thing, in my opinion. In five more months he will know the truth and you won't be able to hide that.
You should *never* lie about a life like that. In my opinion, the father was angry because he didn't really want the abortion to happen. You are probably dead right in the fact he was being pushed by his current girlfriend and it was his only way out. Emotionally, it is pretty devastating.
When I was 19, I broke up with my then 17 year old girlfriend. Less than a month later she told me she was pregnant. I wasn't sure if I believed her and wanted to go with her to get a doctor administererd pregnancy test. We argued back and forth and finally she agreed to have a test about 6 weeks into the pregnancy. On the day we were supposed to meet, she called me and told me she had an abortion. I will admit I wasn't ready for a child at the time, but for some reason I was also devastated she did it. I got really mad at her, hung up on her, and refused to talk to her for a *long* time. For a good amount of time I was miserable. To this day I really don't know the true story, but I do know she didn't have a child in the correct time frame. She did have one about six years later with someone else. Anyway, the point... It can really hurt a guy. In this case, it sounds like the guy regretted his actions and was just angry at the situation. You happen to be part of that situation.
I am pro-choice, but I would never consider an abortion of one of children under any normal circumstances. Ladies, I can only ask that you really understand the feelings of the father as well. I understand it is your body, and I have to resect that, but most of us (men) really do want to step up to the plate and do the right thing.
2007-10-05 08:09:29 · answer #2 · answered by J G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have to ask if you're wrong, you're feeling guilty because you did do the wrong thing. Guessing you're young--can't get abortions after 12 weeks. Guessing you're not living that close together. You are not over dealing with this guy since he's taken to popping up at your house, etc. He flipped out because he is the father, whether he wants the baby or not---survival basic instinct. Call him up, tell him the truth, tell him to leave you alone, get a restraining order, insist on his name on birth cert (dna test), and once the baby is born, let him know, and see if you can't work out something better than this pathetic situation.
Find yourself a good friend to help you through your pregnancy and birth. And, to echo another answer, don't do this again....no man is going to be "trapped" into marriage; many men will find ways of not paying support; and if you just gotta have kids, get a job in a day care.
2007-10-05 08:07:27 · answer #3 · answered by gorge momma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why have a baby, if the father doesn't want him/her? Then your gonna want child support from him...unless you plan on raising the kid without him or his help...
Of course his girlfriend wouldn't want you to have his baby...and from the way he's acting he doesn't either. By the way how long have you been with him, and how long was he with his girlfriend???
You're on your own, you wanted him to leave you alone, right? Now what's gonna happen when you have this child...that he thought was aborted? You don't play around with such a seriuos matter. You better come clean, and leave him alone. Don't think about him romantically ever again. Just focus on your kid, YOUR, cause he never wanted it. And now you're gonna piss him and this girl off.
Just get yourself together and be strong for the baby. You're gonna have someone who REALLY needs you...and that's your child. This guy doesn't need you, he's got a girl already. Forget him, and better yourself. All he can do is pay child support and see the kid if he cares. I bet he had no problem having sex with you!!!...but then again you probably are trying to trap him with a kid...I hope that's not the case!!! Cause I hate the idea of people playing games.
But you better tell him the truth! You didn't want to get rid of the baby and break ties with him, so now you gotta deal with him, cause your carrying his kid!!!
2007-10-05 08:05:41 · answer #4 · answered by ~Tiffany~ 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Here what you do honey you call and tell him you lied and your keeping the baby and he keeps f***ing with not only are you going to let his girl know that he been calling and wanting you back but your going to mess up his relationship with his women. And then after you have the baby your going to make his life a living hell and he will wished he never f***ed with you. If he want to start playing crazy baby daddy games be a crazy baby mama then. Just start acting a fool he get the point and back the hell off. Don't take no S*** from anyone your being a life in this world do what you got to protect yours.
2007-10-05 08:24:33 · answer #5 · answered by Jackquellyn w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're 'lost on why he cursed me out and hung up on me' when you told him you'd aborted his child (even though it was a lie)? Are you serious? It's pretty obvious why he's so mad.
You need to come clean with him, tell the truth, and apologize, profusely.
There are soooooooooo many things that just aren't right here, but in the end the baby deserves to know its mother and its father, regardless of how they feel about each other.
2007-10-05 08:14:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he is immature and doesnt know what he really wants. Maybe he had finally come around the idea of you having a baby and so now he feels guilty. I dont know if i were you i might just call him to ask why he got so upset afetr you said that to him. i think in the end it would be best to tell him the truth. i know it must be really hard to be in that kind of situation. I hope things do get better for you and if you do talk to this guy again just let him know that you dont feel like you need his permission to keep or what ever you choose to do with this baby because in the end it is you who will go through the pains. In a way you should let him know that if he is man enough and his relationship is as good as he thinks with his current gf that he shouldnt worry, if you know that you dont want anything to do with him let him know that. dont involve yourself in any more drama that you need to, let him know of that. righ now you want to stay as far away from stress as you can, its not good for you or the baby, when you stress your heart races and so does the baby's heart
2007-10-05 08:01:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, your baby's daddy sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. I thought it was a good thing that you changed your number so that he could no longer call you. I think it's best if you have as little to do with him as possible. He sounds really unstable and even though I don't know you, I'm worried he might try and do something to hurt you. Sooner or later he'll find out that you lied to him, but you have good reason to do it. I suggest getting help, tell your friends and family about it. What ever you do, just stay away from that guy.
2007-10-05 07:59:35 · answer #8 · answered by TaDaa! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! you did the right thing so long as YOU want the baby it has a good home and is much better with life and love than dead because some jerk didn't want it!
Anyway lieing is not important- telling the truth is an instrumental good; it is only good when the reults it produces are good- when the result of telling the truth are bad it is perfectly acceptable to tell a lie- imagine your baby when it is an adult, it is hiding in your house and this guy ocmes to the door with a gun to kill it and says 'is he/she here?' would you lie and say no or elt him in to kill it?
2007-10-05 08:00:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should ask him to leave you completely alone, no calls, no visits, no letters. He sounds like he could easily become violent. If he continues to harrass you, get a restraining order and move. You have life inside you that needs every chance to be born healthy. So, you messed up and got pg before you made a permanent committment to the right man, it happens. But don't make it worse by playing his games. Painful or not, he is not committed to you or the child and you need to concentrate on what is best for you and your child right now.
I wouldn't lie to him, though, I would write one letter, explaining that you are having your baby and you do not wish to have any contact with him at this time. For him to not write or call or come by as you are afraid for your safety and the safety of your unborn child. That he can go through the proper channels and request visitation when your child is born and he pays for a DNA test. Then leave it be. (Make a copy of the letter for your records.)
Then be happy, have your baby and be a good mom. You will have to seek child support and you should offer him visitation (this has nothing to do with wether or not he pays child support). But do this all through the court. If he continues to act irrationally, then you owe it to your child to ask for supervised visitation and/or a third party (chosen by the court, neutral to both parties) to pick up the child and drop off the child for visitations. Then we he matures, this can relaxed.
Just don't play games with him either, stand firm and do not fuel the flames of anger. Irrational people need very little to set them off.
2007-10-05 08:03:14 · answer #10 · answered by James Watkin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would say that you did the right thing but also did the wrong thing at the same time. he probably got pissed and hung up because he didn't really want you to have the abortion. 9 times out of 10 she was right there when he was telling you all this stuff and it wasn't him who wanted it, it was her. i would let him know that you have not had the abortion but told him that in hopes that he would leave you alone, and just very nicely and politely tell him that you don't want anything to do with him. he just needs to leave you alone. i hope all ends well. Holly
2007-10-05 07:58:18 · answer #11 · answered by Holly D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋