We've been seeing each other for 3 months. An instanst, deep connection. We can talk for hours and agree on all life's core values. We're physically and emotionally connected to each other. Here's the bad part...he's 43, was married 23 years, 3 kids. She cheated on him and left him to go "find herself". They've been separated for 1 1/2 years. But except for living under the same roof, she still treats him like her husband. She gets considerable financial support, she expects him to help her with everything (advice about her job, getting her tires changed, borrowing the lawnmower, using the camping stuff...) she is still totally in his life. He does it all because he's extermly laid back person and he try's to keep piece for the kids sake. Who are 22, 20 and 17. He's trying to get her to agree on a resonable settlement but she wants the moon. And since I've been in the picture she has threatened to come over and kick my ***. He wants me, but feels like he has to take care of her
2007-10-05 07:12:07 · 21 answers · asked by YingYang 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If she cheated on him and left him why would she think that she deserves anything.
It is not really your business and if you can't handle him acting this way you should move on.
2007-10-05 07:16:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
She's doing what she can to stay in his life and possibly get him back. They're not divorced and this thing could drag out for a long time, especially with the settlement. You need to move on. If a man is still married, HE IS UNAVAILABLE. And a year and half to settle a divorce is insane. If he really wanted to get rid of her and have a life with just you, it wouldn't matter what the settlement was. How nice for him to have TWO women in his life, don't you think?
2007-10-05 10:15:45 · answer #2 · answered by tanam73 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think I would back off of this relationship and see what happens. Of course let him know how you feel, but he needs to completely end his relationship with her in order to be with you. I met a man with a similar relationship with his ex. and decided early on this was not going to change and was not something that I could deal with. I wonder sometimes why people even get a divorce sometimes in situations like this. Good Luck.
2007-10-05 07:21:35 · answer #3 · answered by LoraC 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Walk away, give him room to get the divorce, and then be there when it is all over. Explain that you being there is not helping him to get over this, so when he is through with her to give you a call. Get the door open for a length of time,( you set the dead line) and then move on with your life. I know it will be hard, but at the same time how long are you willing to wait for him to shake his ex gone.
2007-10-05 07:22:38 · answer #4 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
23 years of marriage and 3 kids creates a very significant bond. Even if he is over her romantically, he will always have an important connection with her. Their lives will never be completely separate, and there might even be a friendship there. This is something that you have to accept and realize if you intend on staying with this person. Of course, that doesn't change your connection with him, which sounds genuine and really wonderful. My advice is to continue moving forward with this relationship, but to also stay out of his affairs with his wife unless he specifically and directly asks for your opinion and/or intervention. Let him settle the divorce, and give him time to reach a place with his wife where he is comfortable and happy. This he has to do on his own.
Good luck.
2007-10-05 07:18:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
they have had a life together for 23 yrs, he does have kids which he loves a lot,you can't expect him to drop her just like that. even though the kids are not young anymore, he is still willing to support her. you've only been w/him for 3 mos.its early enough to leave him.they are not "divorced" yet, just separated.
2007-10-05 07:27:04 · answer #6 · answered by Adrienne L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's manipulating him. She wants her cake and eat it too.
Try to be understanding of him, he's stuck in the middle financially and emotionally, his pride is wounded and so on.
See the evil b**** for what she is, and show him that you're always on his side and that you will stand by him right or wrong. That is what he will want from a woman since that is what she promised to do and didn't. He'll look at her and see the lying backstabber that she is and hell look at you and see the loyal and trustworthy companion that he wants and his love for you and loyalty to you will grow and grow over time.
Good luck, you sound like a nice, smart and reasonable person.
2007-10-05 07:20:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
23 years is a long time to be married and, she knows she has messed up and, she wants to still be the wife. She found the grass wasn't greener on the other side. She knows all of his in and outs what buttons to push to get him to jump. Things wont change till he wants them too....
2007-10-05 07:18:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I hope that you read these answers and make the right decision. I think you need to leave him alone. He wants her to still be in his life otherwise he'd draw the line somewhere...and he hasn't. Good luck.
2007-10-05 07:20:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've been dating him for 3 months so you really have no right to ask him to do anything.
If you're not willing to let him sort out his freaking divorce, cut ties with him until he's FREE to be with you.
2007-10-05 08:19:04 · answer #10 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's not divorced. You're dating a married man. What does everybody always say about that sort of nonsense?
His being married isn't a red flag: it's a great, big flashing sign that says "Danger: Road Closed".
2007-10-05 07:16:10 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 1⤋