Was this fair of him to say?

Question

I love my husband very much, but lately I've been feeling neglected in the bedroom. He doesn't seem too concerned and just brushes it off and I end up getting over it for the time being. It came up again last night and he got very angry and said "this is me and you married me so you need to grow up and get over it!"

Ok now does that sound fair?????? Aren't we supposed to go to each other with our feelings and concerns...I was so mad at him for saying that to me!

Answer 1

No, that is not fair. And he shouldn't have said that. However, I'd like to know if he's always been... Uninterested in the bedroom? If that is the case, then he does have a point. If there's something I've learned is that you can't change anyone who doesn't want to change. If he was like that when you met him then you shouldn't be asking this question. If he wasn't like that, then you need to find out what's going on, perhaps he is having a hard time at work, perhaps he has some concerns or maybe... he's seeing somebody else.

Whatever the case maybe, you deserve to know, it's up to you what you do with that information, but you definitely have a right to know why he's not interested in what you're feeling, not just in the bedroom.

Some men think that because they've been married for a while now, that they can quit trying to impress you because they've already got you there. I would suggest that you try talking to him, bring your point across without getting upset. And, let HIM speak, and listen... Don’t interrupt him, let him say what's on his mind, and try to work it out. If he will not communicate with you, perhaps you guys need a professionals help. If nothing works... You have to decide how you want to live your life, remember, we only have one life... is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? If yes, then great! If the answer is no, then you must find what makes you happy and go with it.

Good luck!

~ Miztress Nessa ~

Answer 2

Has he had a check up at the Dr. lately. He could have some medical problems going on, and doesn't know it. I would talk to him very calmly outside of the bedroom and tell him you are concerned, and need to know if every thing is ok, or is something going on that you should be concerned about. Explain you have needs, but are worried about his attitude, toward you, after all you are his wife and are entitled to some kind of explanation.

Answer 3

Yes, very unfair... At first sign of trouble... flee.

You must not know who you married, or you have developed higher expectations since you got married.

He should not reject open conversation, but the approach has to be right for him. No one likes to be confronted at sight of problem. Maybe he feels you're putting him down. Women have a peculiar way of thinking that they are the ones emotional and they are the ones who are expressive, but men have emotions and expressions as well. Talk to him over breakfast or lunch without confrontation. Marriage does not equal possession of the other person, it means commitment to deal with whatever incompatibilities you may have because you chose that person to spend your life with (for whatever reason)... Maybe the reason was the wrong reason.

Answer 4

no it was not fair when u married each other you are both there to satisifie each others needs if he aint doin that in the bedroom an it goes on for a long time he is puttin u at risk of being tempeted to go else where men like this are selfish u married him he need to look after in everyway tell him you need sex and as your husband it is his duty to satisfie ur every need i really feel for you sorry and please just try tyo keep ur self together dont feel that this is ur fault ur a women not a robot u need to feel special an sex is a great feeling u deserve it

Answer 5

There has to be more going on here than u can see..that is not normal for a man to reject the bedroom..

either he feels beat down.. or he is getting it some where else..

sit down and have a chat over a nice dinner out.. try to get on the same page.. and find out where this is going.. good luck

Answer 6

Sounds pretty rude of him, if he does not understand your needs maybe that is a communication problem, but sounds like you like to talk. Is he selfish, once he gets off, too bad for you? Is it all about his "bed needs"? The issue should be addressed as it will worsen and can lead to a dead sex life or worse. You should maybe take matters into "your own hands" to get your needs, at least if you do it yourself you know your needs will be met.

Answer 7

See these great articles:

Basic Communication Tips That Can Save Your Relationship:
http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice-basic-communication-tips.html

Learning How To Listen:
http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice-learning-how-to-listen.html

Answer 8

some how remind him of those days before you'll were married....if you can't come up with anything, take some time away from him go stay at your mothers/sisters/grandparents/etc. home for about 2 weeks....him will definitely miss you..once you get him to that thinking process, keep him at that level by giving him some time for himself...

...if he doesn't miss you after going away for 2 weeks or more, then just watch out for another woman in his life (not that there is)...just a warning.

Answer 9

It seems that your husband is just bored. This happens in a lot of marriages. Have you tried new things? Have a talk with him. Ask him what would make him more interested in being intimate with you. Ask about fantasies that he will want to try out. That should demonstrate that you are interested in pleasing him.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

Yikes, that's pretty harsh. Is he going throught a lot of stress at work? Whatever's going on, that wasn't right for him to say. You're his wife, you should be treated with more respect. Talk with him when you're not in the bedroom and ask him what's going on.

Good luck