Should I stay or Go?

Question

I have been married for 1 1/2 years. I used to think my husband was just like me, sweet and kind and respectful for the person he chose to spend the rest of his life with. Over the couse of our 3 year relationship he has, come home with a hickey from his bachelor party, lied too many times to mention about looking at dirty movies and magazines and hid them, battled agressive drinking behavior and most recently I saw on here where he has responded to questions from other girls in a very sexual and flirty way that killed me inside when I read it. I confronted him on this and he said it was no big deal to him. That this site is like a game and that him and a co worker thought it was funny and he was trying to earn points and was sorry. On the other hand,some of his posts go on and on about me and our son being the best things in his life. I see in his eyes that he really doesn't think this was harmful in any way, but to me it is just another nail in the coffin. Am I over reacting?

Answer 1

no, you are not over reacting... if you and your son are the best things in his life he needs to treat you as such, not just talk about it... he has to show it...! this means, no more flirty and sexual answers that could offend you on here in yahoo answers =(... none! as for the dirty movies, you have a child in the house, this is a big no no! I don't care what anyone else thinks, it's morally wrong... throw the movies out... if he gets pissed, too bad... stand up for you and the boy girlie! good luck... =)

Answer 2

Only you can decide when enough is enough. The acts you describe can be "deal-breakers" in some relationships and mearly quirks in others. The biggest problem I see in what you've shared is his apparent lack of concern for how his actions affect you. As a rule, if it bothers you to the point of "killing you inside" and he disregards that feeling, perhaps it is time for you to stand up and share HOW much this is affecting your relationship.

I married a flirt as well and there are times he does thing thinking they are innocent and yet they hurt more than words can say. When he knows they hurt me, he is then remorseful - again, actions speak louder than words, and I can tell he is truely sorry - not just saying it to shut me up so to speak.

Does he change his behaviour when you confront him? If so, there's still hope and NO YOU SHOULDN'T LEAVE... If he disregards your feelings, then there is no respect and short of marriage counselling or assistance from a professional, I'm not sure how you will save this relationship.

Answer 3

I don't believe so. I think you deserve to have a man who respects you enough not to come home with hickeys and etc. The fact it, 'killed you inside' when you read his posts gives me the impression you are a sweet, kind, loving woman who doesn't deserve this pig. It's amazing how people change from how they used to be. I think he's not ready to handle a real woman like yourself and wants to be free to sleep with tarts and trollops. Stand with your head high and think to yourself, " I am a beautiful, independant, wonderful woman and I don't need him in my life anymore. " It's sad when a marriage ends but if it's dead in the water, then there's no point beating about the bush. Move out and file for divorce - you deserve better. Good luck to you in the future - I hope you find that someone who will treat you like a princess.

Answer 4

No you are not overreacting. I do have a question tho... What exactly does this man do for you? It seems he has no respect for you whatsover. I would not trust him an inch and without trust there is nothing! Of course he puts good stuff about you on the PC he knows your going to read it! It is "another nail in the coffin"of what is in my opinion a dead relationship. Cut your losses now and find someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve, dont waste your precious time on this loser.

Answer 5

you might be over reacting a bit but he is wrong as well to do these things knowing they bother you. Perhaps his father or another male figure in his life were like this and so he thinks it is okay but if you can figure out who that person was - perhaps his father - you may well see that they were divorced and you can tell him that you don't want your marriage to end up that way as well. If he doesn't really think this is harmful you may have to put up with at least some of that but perhaps you can go to that website and earn points as well and he may grow tired of that, and perhaps watching the movies and looking at the magazines together may spice up your love life. Good luck to you!!

Answer 6

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Answer 7

trust your gut. personally i don't think what u have put on here is worth leaving him for. i know people that have had far worse offences and they got past it and have a good relationship. i would be very hurt and feel disrespected by my spouse actually lying to me, but barring that, these are things that almost every marriage in some form or other deals with. i think the thing you really need to focus on with regard to this is making your relationship more fun and exiting. go on a weekend trip somewhere (just the two of you).

i like to think of a marriage like a bank account. everything you do (EVERYTHING!) is either a deposit or a withdrawal. your husband unexpectedly buys you flowers; thats a deposit- maybe a hundred dollars? he buys a porno mag. thats a withdrawal. follow me on this? right now i think your husband is dangerously close to having an overdrawn bank account.

if you want to save this relationship, you need to start some massive deposits into his bank account. the way it works is that deposits reciprocate themselves and withdrawals reciprocate themselves. you make a deposit in his account (do something really nice) and he will do something nice to you (reciprocate) in this way you can get your accounts back up into higher territory. it's not going to be easy. you are going to have a little faith. kinda like giving him a loan by making deposits in his account from your account which has little or no money in it. you also are going to need to think outside the box a little bit too. you might need to do something outside your comfort zone like dressing up slutty for him. i would guess he likes that sort of thing. btw as much as i would like to take credit for this metaphor, i can't. it comes from Stephen Covey. i do think i am somewhat qualified to answer this tho. 10 years and counting and me and my wife are still crazy about each other

Answer 8

Try approaching your husband a different way.

Tell him that maybe he thinks the things he does it no big deal but it's a big deal to you and it hurts you.

Let him know that you want your marriage to work....but there's has to be some give and take on both sides and right now it's not happening.

Love is more than words and the look in someones eyes.....it's their actions that really convey how they feel.

Answer 9

I would say your husband like to burn the candle at both sides. I would personally leave him as it sounds like he has no respect for you. You obviously do not trust the guy so what is the point in staying married to him, you also have a right to be happy. Good luck and I hope all goes well for you. Keep us posted

Answer 10

You are not over reacting. It sounds like your husband doesn't respect you one bit. A hickey from his bachelor party? WTF? and just b/c he is trying to earn points doesn't mean he has to flirt with women on line. He sounds very selfish also.. I would talk to him and be open and honest and tell him how his behavior is making YOU feel. Good luck sister!