Divorced Women: Why?

Question

I work offshore for 14 days and I'm off 14 days. While out here my wife never answers the phone so I can speak to my daughter 7 and my son 2 who I dearly love. During divoce why is she using them as a tool to hurt me? I don't want to talk to her, but my kids... It sucks.

She won't answer the phone, and no I didnt do nothing bad...Have the lawyer, but still...Your right she's just a bithch.

Answer 1

I'm sorry that is really tough, I am not divorced, but if I were you I would talk to your ex and tell her what you just said and then if she doesn't want to talk to you, maybe you could get the eldest a "chaperone phone". Just a kiddie cell phone and then maybe you could communicate with your children more. By the way, that kiddie cell phone only has 5 buttons on it. Four pre-programmed numbers and emergency. It comes with a blackberry that can GPS your kid's cell anytime you want.
Good luck!

Answer 2

I hate to hear about this type of thing.
I never kept my ex from our children, but he really never took any interets in them until they turned 18 and the child support stopped.

Oh my kids know this but they have a wonderful relationship with their dad now and have kicked me to the curb.

Go figure .....

Neither parent should ever use the children as "pawns" but they do. She knows you don't care about her anymore so her only way to make you "hurt" is by doing this.
I know this is going to sound kind of tough, but I have a suggestion.

Keep a log on everytime you call them, day, date, time etc. and write down what happens. Does she have an answering machine? If so, leave a message for the kids and write down what you said.

Do you get to see your children when you are off the 14 days? If so, talk to your 7 year old and let her know how much you love her. Make sure she understands your work schedule. Tell her how much you miss her and think about her while you are at work and you hope she is getting your messages (If you are able to leave one).

But what comes next, is going to be hard on you. Since she isn't picking up the phone anyway, stop calling for awhile.
This might make her wonder what's going on with you and hopefully she will eventually pick up that phone!
If not....

What you are going to do is first document all your calls, messages, etc. and any thing your 7 yr. old tells you. so that when you stop calling you aren't acting like you don't love them, you just aren't going to continue giving her the satisfaction of using your children against you. And write that part down too.

Believe me, NO judge is going to go in her favor for using the kids. You may have to take her back to court to have it stipulated that your calls are to be taken and it be mandatory.

Answer 3

It is her way to hurt you. It's wrong because it is only hurting your children in the end. Are you recently divorced? If so, overtime hopefully the two of you can be more civil towards each other. It will make things easier for the kids. Your ex is being selfish right now. For you,just remember, it is about your kids now. They are going thru this too. If I were you I would keep phone records of when you call and whether she let you talk to them or not, you can use those records in court. I wish you the best, going thru a divorce with children involved can be very emotionally draining.

Answer 4

Brethren, a divorce can be a very hard thing to go through even after the divorce is final. She is doing that to you because she is still hurting after the split.

As for the kids, some women will use them as pawns to try to get some control you or try to hurt you back, instead of what is best for the kids. Continue to do your fatherly duties and it work out best for you in the end. Trust me, I know.

Answer 5

Did you cheat on her? Does she have a reason she feels she needs to protect her children right now? Divorce is hard on all sides, honestly though, she's only hurting her children by doing this. You need to remember though, you don't know what she goes through after you hang up the phone, the emotional breakdown by children at that age can be VERY difficult to handle. You guys just need to work on your communication, in the long run, if you both love your children, you will both put their needs first!

Answer 6

That is so sad, I don't think she realizes she is hurting the children also. During the divorce where you both ordered to take parenting classes for divorced couples. Those classes explains the psychological damage that children go through and the things both parents should do and shouldn't do. My ex and I both took them (court ordered) my two had a hard time dealing with our separation but i think the classes helped up to know how to not make it worse on them.

Answer 7

She still wants you. Unless things are really bad no woman ever thinks she is getting married just to get a divorce ya know? Talk to her like an adult and tell her it is over nothing can change that and when you call you only what to talk to your children. The only way she can talk to you is if it is important in dealing with your kids. Maybe she will get over it. Good Luck

Answer 8

That's her way of getting back at you. You hurt her, so she is using the kids to hurt you. It sucks but at the moment, you can't do a thing about it, so don't let it get to you or she wins. When you are off for those 14 days, try to see your kids as much as you can.

Answer 9

immaturity on her part...she is extremely hurt and yes the kids are being used as pawns....tell her to grow up and you should get a court order to have full rights to talk to your kids....It sucks but you need a back up plan...not to mention all of the mess you will have to clean up in your kids mind after she has more than likely bashed you as a daddy....god knows what she is telling them;( and hearing it over and over a s a child changes them. Step up and stop allowing her to do this to YOUR kids

Answer 10

You are asking "why", but only you know that. You are going though a divorce, right? What's the reason? Maybe she has reasons to want to hurt you? Maybe she doesn't want the divorce and she's feeling angry? Whatever the reason, it is a very immature thing to do but it happens with divorces!