My girlfriend and I had big disagreement the other night. We had an argument because she thinks its 'reasonable' to spend $35k upwards on a wedding. Not including honeymoon! I said I think its a bit ludicrous.
Her arguments are:
- You only get married once (You hope anyway)
- You have to invite all family otherwise they think u will snob them (She has big family)
- Dont be a tight ****!
- This is the day I been waiting for my whole life
My arguments are
- Its a day that only WE will remember the most, to others its really a wedding
- A better part of the $30k can go towards a world trip, another investment property
-A big debt like that can put you further back than you think
- You can enjoy a wedding with the effort and time without spending the world!
-I dont have all that money to go toward a wedding
I need ideas of how we can work this out. I really love her so much its just something we cant agree on.
2007-10-04 23:31:48 · 17 answers · asked by NFI 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I have a similar problem, only I'm on the girl side of it. My fiance does not want to spend as much as I do.... This is what I did to solve our problem:
We sat down together and listed each of our images of a dream wedding. Then, we discussed ways to cut out certain parts of the wedding that would cost too much, and what parts we absolutely had to leave in. We also looked for alternatives. (For example, instead of going for the expensive hotel or the very dirty looking community center, we compromised and went for the medium priced banquet hall.) After listing everything, step back and look at what else you could cut out without being sad about it. (Does she really need the expensive champagne? Or her cousin's wife's brother's mother-in-law to be invited?)
If you calmly discuss ways to lessen the budget little by little, your wedding planning will go a long way. However, if you tell her she can only spend $2,000 for the wedding, instead of the $30,000 she dreamed, that's when she will be very upset. I think you just need to sit down and discuss things instead of just looking at the big number. That's what helped for me, anyway.
2007-10-05 01:40:38 · answer #1 · answered by Musubigurl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry for you, If she is set in her way there is not much you can do. All the things I would think you already said. It will put you back and then it will be that much harder for you both with the stress of being in debt! If she is not willing to give things up maybe you could shop around and find a place she likes that is cheaper then where she is thinking of and stuff like that. I am supposed to get married next year and we have NO money Even if we did I would never want to spend that much on a wedding. Tell her all that matters is you two are happy, and tell her the truth that the money situation is stressing you out. When it comes down to it if you go and just do it the stress from the situation is going to be there even when the money is gone. A wedding is only about 4 hours of fun-35k Bowen in that time- It is not worth that money to have a couple hours of fun. You could cut the money in half and still have a blast.
2007-10-04 23:54:29 · answer #2 · answered by joslynn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A wedding is supposed to be about your feelings for one another and your future life together. It isn't about the price. Forget all about the shoulds and must invites and pick a day that is for the two of you,in your favorite place, somewhere you want to go and remember. then add in all the relatives . Every bride has a different idea of their day so listen well. I know people that got married just the two of them on a beach in Mexico and had a party for everyone when they got home. Superb!!! My wedding was all controlled by the shoulds and even my parents business partners who I don't know. when I look back now it wasn't even me,my colours or my day.I had gold trimmed plates and don't remember the food. It was a big show for them. Its true you only get married once so make it special, not expensive. Make this the day she wanted her whole life and you too hopefully. Its great to have nice pictures after with the people and colours you love..Make that your focus instead of the cost and the argument..And you can have all that without a huge expense..It takes really clever wedding planners to pull off a beautiful AND inexpensive wedding day but you can do it and you are right.. you don't need the debt hanging over your head. so you are both right about a lot of things and the first step to a good marriage is compromise!!! Good luck PS My daughter just got married. We bought all her decorations at the dollar store and it was so beautiful some lady bought it all after for her wedding.We rented the arch and some flowers.Put up bells and streamers. had glass rose bowls on tables. the dress was the biggest cost.$800.
2007-10-05 00:08:28 · answer #3 · answered by jan d 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, do NOT go into debt for this. Anyone who thinks assuming a $35K debt just for the sake of being the center of attention at a grand party isn't mature enough to get married. Second, I don't understand the *I* part of "I don't have all that money...". Shouldn't that be a we? Are you saying that YOU are doing the earning and paying while SHE spends but doesn't earn?
Each of you contribute an equal amount toward opening a special savings account, the kind where BOTH parties must be present to make a withdrawl. Then follow your savings plan and watch the money grow. Of course, it's going to grow too slowly to suit her, at which point the reality of how much money that is starts to set in and her wedding plans get scaled back. Comments from you like "let's cancel our cable and put that extra $40 a month toward out wedding fund" and "I'm surprised you bought a new Coach bag; I thought you were gung-ho to save up for our wedding" and "Dinner & a movie would cost $50; let's rent a video and pick up a pizza and put the extra $30 toward our wedding" will bring home the reality of what it takes to raise that much money (or pay off that kind of debt).
Remember, the key is that you don't object to the amount -- if she want's to spend $50K it's fine with you -- you're just not willing to go into debt.
2007-10-05 02:38:37 · answer #4 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I personally do not understand why people think they need to spend so much on weddings. The idea of starting married life buried in debt is enough of a deterent to me. They say that financial problems are the cause of many marriage breakups so why deliberately create a problem before you're even married.
It seems to me people are focusing a whole lot on the party and not enough on the life commitment being made on their wedding day. Besides all the stress they create trying to make the day perfect.
I have a very large family (over 100 first cousins), it is not unusual when someone gets married to get an invitation inviting us to the ceremony and dance but not the reception. I've never heard anyone complain as we all know how expensive it would be to invite everyone. That would be one way of cutting costs.
You might also remind you fiance that the wedding is not nearly important as the marriage.
Congrats and all the best to you.
2007-10-04 23:47:22 · answer #5 · answered by Choqs 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well that's an argument that only you and she can solve. I personally don't think you should spend that much on a wedding. You are both 100% correct... it's a day for both of you. But why does she have to invite everyone and their sister. Personally IF it's going to cause that much trouble. Elope..and have a reception when you get back.. unless your both religious... then you might want to reconsider eloping. I spent less then $700.00 on my whole wedding, and I KNOW I had a very wonderful day (in my opinion). NOW were seriously thinking of having a re-commitment ceremony in church, which will be much more elaborate then our gazebo wedding and a short honeymoon (we never got a first honeymoon because of time, money and his family visiting). Whatever you decide don't let her become a BRIDEZILLA and make sure you all set a budget. And one more thing. she does NOT have to invite every single person in her family. I have a HUGGEEEEEE family as well, and I only invited my mom,grandmother, brother, his wife ,and their children. :) So it can be done. I hope you have a great wedding day.
2007-10-05 00:41:09 · answer #6 · answered by navywife_2001 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance' has great potential in becoming a bridezilla. $35K for a wedding is definitely unreasonable. To be honest, the most I would spend on a wedding would probably be about $10K, IF THAT!! If she wants to go that far into debt immediately starting the day she becomes Mrs. NFI, she needs a definite talking-to. That's just a ridiculous amount of money. $35K could be a down-payment on an incredible house! Yes, this is the BIG day that all us girls having been waiting for. But, I've always said that if you can't afford something for it.... tough. There's no point in going into debt that soon in your new life.
Good luck.
2007-10-05 03:19:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You both make valid points. There are ways to have a beautiful inexpensive big wedding. Start out by telling her you want her to have the wedding of her dreams because I am sure money aside you do. Now she is right an average wedding costs 30k and up. But if your fiance has her heart set on 30k most brides go over budget by 10-15k. First things to do is if you are not set on a particular date there are certain times in the year that everything is cheaper. Reception sites can be 20 per person or more as well as DJ's, bands, photographers etc. Find out because a wedding in April is beautiful opposed to paying much more for one in May or June. There are plenty of easy ways to cut corners. I would be more than happy to help you or your fiance go through a list of things to do and to ask. You can email me or go to my website at www.confettieventplan.com Good Luck and Congratulations!
2007-10-05 02:12:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is too bad that you are starting out your lives together like this. You are asking total strangers for advice on how to deal with your future wife already.
Money matters, and the stress of being overly in debt can cause a lot of discontent in a young marriage.
Is this just how she is?? Do you know her spending habits? Do you know how much she owes to charge cards and other debtors? Can she manage and budget money? Go over her finances and see what is going on there first.
You may need to have a conversation with her concerning the financial aspects of, not only the wedding, but of married life.
Be realistic with her, and show her how long you will be paying for a wedding like that, and all the other sacrifices you both will need to make for the next 5 years while you are paying for it. Don't just talk, put figures on paper --- income - outgo - balance.
2007-10-05 00:21:34 · answer #9 · answered by Rev. Deb 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, your last argument is the one that wins. If the two of you don't have 35k to host a wedding, then you don't have that type of wedding! You two need to decide the style of wedding and number of guests you can host, according to the budget the two of you can reasonably spend. And a couple shouldn't go into debt over anything associated with the wedding - you spend the amount you two have saved, or will be earning prior to the wedding, and plan accordingly.
2007-10-05 03:23:34 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋