Why do people think it's immature for me to worry about why my own twin sister is holding a grudge against me?

Question

For no reason, but then they say it's a shame how we don't get along. But they advise her to ignore me & stay away from me. I know we had a hectic childhood & stuff, & people get turned off & hate us for being twins who can't get along. & can never try to reason with her or talk things out. When I say I'm sorry, my twin sister thinks I'm starting an argument back up again, when I'm trying to cease our tension. Why & how is it childish for me to want to improve our relationship? & people say, "You're not only sisters, but you're TWINS!" & we can't even share the same friends. She bullies me, beats up on me, starts false, defaming rumors about me, & takes my money & straight ABUSES me. Lately, I've been trying to contact her & see how she & her kids are doing, & she straight ignores me, & I don't know what I did to upset her. But if I worry about the past, people call me childish. But she's obviously dwelling on the past/negative to be holding grudges against me. Right?

Answer 1

I am an identical twin sister, and when I was younger and in my early 20's my sister and I didn't get along very well. She treated me like your's treated you. We would fight over stupid stuff, and I eventually put some distance between us. She thought she was stronger, and smarter and tougher than I was. But since then, we have both matured enough to see that plain and simple, we adore each other, and we always have. Sometimes, the real problem with twins is, you can't have your own thoughts without the other one knowing what your going to say, or what your thinking just by the look on your face. This creates a conundrum because sometimes, it's not you or anything you did, maybe she is ashamed of something she did, and is afraid you will be able to figure it out. Twins can be so close, that they are immeshed in each others lives so much, neither twin has privacy. That's why twins as small children fight constantly.

I have one piece of advice, sit down and write your twin a heartfelt letter, and tell her how her treatment of you makes you feel. Speak in "I" statements. Tell her how much you love her, (if you do) and tell her that you are going to go your own way. Tell her that you want to surround yourself with people who care about you and treat you with respect. Go do that very thing. Go make it without her, and some day, when your older, you may find each other again...when the competition is no longer important, and when you are a grown up complete individual. Remember also, you don't have to live up to the labels that other people have given you "twins who can't get along"
blah blah blah, what do they know? I remember trying to live up to the role or label I was given all the time, and you can change anything merely by thinking or "acting as if" Act as if you get along with your sister, and you will. (without having to back down and hide all the time) it takes practice, but it's not impossible.......also, if your twin is physically abusinve towards you, she is suffering from low self esteem, and she really feels that way about herself, not you. Twins mirror onto each other the way they really see themselves, I hope that make sense. Has she slept with any of your boyfriends that you don't know about? That would explain the abusive behavior too.....
Good luck sweetie!

Answer 2

She IS dwelling on the past and all of the negative if she won't try to let things go and be friends with you now that you are both adults. It is obvious that you care about her and want to have a good relationship with her. It is too bad that she does not feel the same way. Hopefully she will eventually get over her issues and realize that you two can help and support one another. You are doing the mature thing by trying to fix things with her. If she will not reciprocate then you have done everything you can and it is NOT your fault.

Answer 3

I'm sorry you don't get along. However, if she has kids, you're old enough to be separate. If she abuses you, she is not worthy of your time and attention. I'm not sure what you have to apologize for. If you've tried and it hasn't worked, then maybe she needs to grow up. In the meantime, if she hits you, stay away from her. I don't think it's childish to want to improve your relationship, but I think it's unrealistic.

Answer 4

Sounds like Cinderella and hers. Well, I have a sister 2, and, till 10 years old, she was Cinderella, I don't know how did all end up, but I started to lose interest in teasing her, and making her life hellish. I tried to act nicely, I helped her with the homework, cleaned up her part of the room...dunno'. I don't think your twin will act the same way... but you could try not to get angry every time she's acting like she does. Try to make nice tings for her, talk nicely of her every time you can. I'm not talking here of some kind of bribe. Just try to make your parents be proud of you instead of her, try helping them also, as often as you can. She can be hell on earth, but with your friends, relatives, and parents on your side, you will win.

Answer 5

wow...I am sorry this is happening to you...it sounds to me like she is jealous of something...I don't know what happened between you two in the past...but there is something she just can't let go of. Let her know that you made the first move trying to reconcile...now it's up to her...then just wait and see. If she doesn't come around, at least you know you've tried. Don't worry about what others think...why would you want to be around someone who abuses you like that? SHE is the one who needs to ask for forgiveness....GOOD LUCK, Sweety

Answer 6

Perhaps it is envy or jealousy. My suggestion is to let her go her own way and see if that helps.
You are both grown ups and it is time to put those childish things aside.

Answer 7

sounds like u have alot of resentment toward her both need to grow up and get along