Its a long story but my Moms sister (aunt) her husband, 3 sons(my cousins) all over 40 and their wives have not contacted me, my mom or my sister in 4 years..
4 years ago we decided to spend christmas on our own rather with them which we always had done. My cousin at the time who was 50 wrote a letter to my Mom, saying how upset he is we were going on vacation for x-mas, he said "oh Boy, wow cant believe your doing this, this is going to be the first x-mas without you since your children (meaning me and my sis) were born. He was being sarcastic throughout the letter.
Couple of months after that my Mom didnt call for his bday because he never calls us for ours and felt it was no big deal,, we get a message from him saying "gee i hope your ok, what did i do",, again i feel being sarcastic.
Then the next day his wife leaves a message saying, "How could you not call my hubby for his 51st bday, dont call us anymore, we dont want to hear from you"
None of them have contacted us
2007-10-04 19:16:48 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
None of them have contacted us since,, My Mom said they should call to apologize--and seems like they all knew about her call since no one has called.
My Aunt sends notes to my Mom, without adressing her by name or signing her name saying " So and so has died, wanted to let you know because so and so told me to tell you so call her"
This is after 2 months of someone dying in the family.
without any details of the funeral-- and its too late for my Mom to attend the funerals,, My Mom feels its a form of abuse and control
2007-10-04 19:19:38 · update #1
My mother doesnt respond because my Aunt is letting my Mom know a family member died 2 months after the funeral is over, also she does not adress my mother by name or sign her name, just writes info..
2007-10-04 20:00:50 · update #2
His wife left that message for all of us, she was reading off of a letter, it was very rude and uncalled for. The guy turned 51, he never called any of us for our bdays.
2007-10-04 20:02:39 · update #3
These family things get so bizzare. It's all about control and leverage and little to do with love most of the time. It's sad, but it's not that way with all families. It is with mine and my in laws. If you do this then we'll do that. Tit for tat. Everyone has a role defined differently by each person and so you can't possibly fulfill everyone's wishes unless you are a complete doormat succuming to the wishes of the individuals with the most power in the family and wield your life over to them. You're not cut off but this is a test. They are trying to determine how they can control you. They'd like you to come crying to them about how you miss them and need them and will do anything they want. Such baloney - don't fall for that. Just be yourself, let it be and be forgiving and when they are ready they will contact you. Don't apologize and don't give in because that will only make things worse. The funeral thing is completely inhumane, but to meddle will only put them on the defensive and it won't help.
2007-10-04 19:26:41 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Extended family has some kind of meaning for people when relatives help each other out in various ways and when they depend on each other one way or another. This is what happens in cultures where extended family is important. But in western cultures extended family relationships have lost their meaning because people don't depend on their distant relatives any more, and they don't help each other out. It's hard for people to find some reason and make an effort to maintain meaningless relationships with their distant relatives. And this may be the real reason why your extended family relationships have broken up and disappeared. The only way you can resurrect your extened family relationships is to make them meaningful. If you or your mom knows of some relative who is in a bad situation and needs some help. And you or your mom helps him or her out. Then this may impress your other relatives. And they may want to be friends with you and your mom again.
2016-05-21 05:15:14 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are an adult start building a relationship if you want one. Your mother is being stubborn, she hurt his feelings twice but thinks he should apologized. She is getting notices from people about the family but doesn't respond to the person sending them or do any contact herself apparently.
You can reconnect yourself, start with sending a Christmas Card saying you miss talking to them. You don't need to apologize or receive an apology but you have to make it easy for them to reconnect or they won't. Send birthday and Christmas cards for a couple of years and they will start responding. Then invite one to something or ask them a question and include a phone number.
2007-10-04 19:52:11 · answer #3 · answered by shipwreck 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋