My kids have'nt had anything 2 do with their biological father in years, they c him 2morrow, help please?

Question

My kids ages r 12, 8 and 7, they have'nt seen him in years because he has made no effort 2 maintain a relationship. They r all very anxious and stressed out about meeting him, my eldest is the most upset as she still remembers him and feels as though he abandoned her.She has begged me not 2 make her c him, she is really upset. He will b here with his new wife and his new children,2 of them. I don't want 2 b the woman who keeps her children away from their father but at the same time I want my kids 2 know that I will support and protect them. My ex has relly just ignored them 4 years and now he wants contact, I doubt whether he will b consistant and I feel so sad 4 my kids. The youngest has no memory of him and they all call my new partner dad, we also have our own child who is 3. Any suggestions would b appreciated. I want 2 make the time he is here as peaceful as possible,( he will b here 4 a wk),love 2 hear from parents in similar circumstances. Thanx alot.

I forgot 2 mention that he is expecting to have them overnight 4 at least a few days, even though I have told him I think it would b 2 much 4 them. He is also muslim and I have left that religion and have not exposed my children to islam.

Answer 1

There is no need to force them to see him and if he ignored them for so long it is probably his wife that is even making him make this effort. You can pick a neutral place to meet, a McDonald's, for example, and explain to the children - at least the 12 year old - that you were divorced because it was best for both of you and that you both found someone else to live with.
If they talk about the fact he is making contact now and are stressed too much by that, explain that this may be just a one time thing. The worst thing you could do if they were anxious to see him would be to talk down about him but from what you say that isn't the case. I hope this goes well for you and the children.

Answer 2

well, to my opinion a child of the age 12 can decide for himself whether to see another parent or not. i don't know how in your country but in my if there is a court about child's custody a child of 12 can decide with whom of parents he wants to live. anyway, i think u should old enough children to explain the whole story - that your marriage didn't work because of things not dependable on them and that your ex left to be with another woman and didn't have time to come and see him. there is nothing wrong in explaining that. also maybe he will bring them presents, children love presents. tell them also if after meeting with their dad they don't want to stay u will leave. i think u re worried too much over nothing. also children tend to forget stuff very fast

Answer 3

Don't force your kids to start a relationship with him. Let them know you think it might be nice for them to give him a chance and that you will support them if they want a relationship or if they do't Let your ex know about your concerns about him showing up now and then disappearing again. If the 12 year old really doesn't want anything to do with him, than that is her decision. Don't force it either way.

Answer 4

Your kids will take their cues from you. Just reassure them that you love them and that you will always be there for them and talk to them about sharing their feelings. You sound as though you have the right convictions here -- go with your instincts and be patient with the kids. They may need more time than we assume that they'd need, but if you remain their constant, they will endure and prevail.

Answer 5

I never saw my dad from the time i was two to thirteen then he showed up one day and never returned till I had my first baby, and he came in and out of their lives for a few years!!! Until I got a back bone and told him that just wasn't happening. Please don't let him hurt your kids like my dad did mine..........