I'm 23 years old. My Mom recently found out that I wasn't a virgin. I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 5 years and we've only been together with each other. She know hates me and tells me that she is slowly cutting me out of her life. She is also making my family choose. If they talk to me, then she'll cut them out too. I don't think I'm a bad person. I'm a college graduate and live on my own with a good job. She's very old fashioned and doesn't believe in premarital sex. I know that I've done wrong, but I don't understand why she would cut me out of her life. I want to make it right, but I don't know what to do. Has this ever happened to anyone? Did it ever get better? They did they eventually get over it and talk to you again or did you just stay estranged?
2007-10-04 17:30:37 · 6 answers · asked by imsad123 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm very sorry that happened to you. You are an adult, and you have the right to make your own decisions about your sex life. Having sex with a committed partner is not nearly as bad as any number of things you could be doing. I'm not sure what you could do to improve things, since you aren't going to be a virgin again. Hopefully she will realize that she should love you no matter what, but some people will be stubborn. My fiancee's cousin got pregnant with her boyfriend when she was about 19. Everyone in the family accepted and supported her, except her grandmother who disowned her. I haven't heard if anything has improved since then.
Now, my story. My fiancee found out that his mom converted his former bedroom into a hydroponic pot farm, and her ex-con fiancee was making a living by selling pot around town. He confronted her about it, mainly out of concern that she could go to jail and lose her house. Her reaction was that he is evil, she was going to start a rose business (hydroponic roses...), he was so evil, and he better apologize for saying such horrible things about her. So he stopped talking to her, and she stopped talking to him. It's been a few months, and they will talk occasionally, mostly small talk, but as long as she is with a drug dealer we can't have any closer contact with her.
2007-10-04 18:02:20 · answer #1 · answered by jellybeanchick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How very sad. I'm so sorry. Your mother is not only old-fashioned, she appears to also be controlling and not a little vindictive. Trying to turn other family members against you is cruel, not the sort of thing one would expect a mother would do. Does she watch television at all, or read? I'm asking because her attitude is so dreadfully outdated. Possibly she is from another country where premarital sex is frowned upon? Realistic mothers of her generation - and I am one - accept that their daughters and sons will be sexually active, especially once they are finished school and out on their own. All most of us moms hope for is that our children will be happy and healthy. Possibly, as time goes along and she discusses your 'transgressions' with others more, she'll get some feedback as to what is acceptable these days. If that happens, she will, I hope, relent. If not, she is setting herself up for a very lonely old age. Bless you both.
2007-10-05 01:03:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first and foremost i want to know and make it clear if you both are having plans of getting married before you two engaged yourselves in sex. otherwise if not, it would not cannot be called as 'pre marital sex'. Pre marital sex is a coitus done in contex of relationships planning to end up in marriage. if not, it then called a sex, adolscent sex (which i clearly think no, because you are in your early adulthood stage), or live in sex'.
Having coitus with someone you love is not wrong, though many parents are still sttcked up to the old fashion way, as you said, they are annoyed or disgusted by what you have done.
this is normal, cause they are expecting a lot from you, the mere fact that you are good, just keeps them from thinking that you cannot do such thing.
but its done, thats over.
this is what you gonna do. talk to your mom, dad...and say your side. but be open, hear their side too. and dont forgot to defend yourself.
it is not right and justifiable to leave and be disowned by your parents if they just found out that you are not virgin anymore.
virginity is not the soul standard measurement of ones personality and humanity.
you have your right as a human of privacy and own decision.
you are at your own life for you are 23.
but dont foirget to take into consideration that you are their daughter....explain your side in a good way, they'll surely understand..
come what may, they are your own blood and flesh.
stay happy!
Godbless!
2007-10-05 00:46:43 · answer #3 · answered by jpaulaguna 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's hurt and angry, and you just have to somehow give it time to heal.
Someday you're going to get married, and have a child of your own, that she'll want to be a part of, and that's when especially she'll come to her senses.
You are an adult, and no longer a minor. She has to accept that. You are old enough to make your own decisions, even if she doesn't agree with your choices.
Out of curiosity, are you and your boyfriend planning on marrying? That would be great, and your family may relax if that be the case. Then he would definately become your one true love.
2007-10-05 00:58:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am estranged from my father it's my choice, though I'm 27 and although it bothers me, I think he deserves it for all the abuse he put me through while growing up!!! Now it's his turn to pay the pied piper...
2007-10-05 10:59:16 · answer #5 · answered by don't be a hater 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're paying your own bills then you shouldn't have to answer to her about what you do with your man.
2007-10-05 00:47:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋