Will he ever leave my heart? Am I just lonely?

Question

I dated my ex for 8 and a half years. He was my first love. We had a lot of irreconciable differences. That's why we broke up. He actually broke up with me. We were engaged and I knew there was something wrong so I kept putting him off. He kept telling me toward the end he was going to meet someone else if I didn't marry him and that's exactly what happened! He could be mentally abusive. This was the bad side of him. But he was also so unbelievably funny and fun to be with. Also I never felt so close to anyone in my life. I could really be me, sometimesI felt like we were one person. He would always say to me you're lucky because he said he knew me like the back of his hand. I thought I had moved on. Not that I've met someone else but just was able to forget him. Not totally but almost. But it's been 3 years and I find myself thinking about him all the time now! Wondering if I should've married him. And will I ever love someone like that again!!!!

Will someone ever know me like the back of there hand again and really want to?! Will I ever have that kind of chemistry with someone ever again. I know it's hard to understand since I said he was mentally abusive but he was special in so many ways! It's sad for me because he was the 1 in so many ways but the mental abuse and some other things. I just feel like I'm meant to be alone it's like I had this one great love and the memories will last a lifetime.

I guess I least I had love in my life, some people never find that.

Answer 1

You will always retain the good moments. Tuck then away in your mental album of good times. Allow yourself to move on. When a door closes another opens but you do need to close that door properly first. There isn't room for another otherwise. Good Luck

Answer 2

You have to think in terms of good and bad. you were in love with the good things in him but the bad things were baggage you didn't need in your life. You will find someone else that has the good things without the baggage. Subconsciously, I suspect that you knew this without realizing it and that is why you kept putting off the marriage, and now that you don't have love in your life you are thinking of the love aspect of that relationship and not remembering the abusiveness. When you think about him, force yourself to think of the times that he was abusive as well.
You will find someone new to love and who will love you as well but it will be a different person so don't fall into the trap of comparing him with the thoughts you have now of the ex because hopefully the new love will not be abusive. Good luck to you!!