I have to write a short response to get in the Music Honors Society, please tell me what you think about my paragraph, and if you criticize something, please expand on it. All help is appreciated.
Music has been a big part of my life ever since I first started with my flute. It helps me to express myself and it defines who I am. I have been greatly inspired by music and it is the biggest thing that keeps me going in life. In the past, music has helped me contribute to my community by playing for the church, solo or in ensemble, and singing in the choir. Music is the only thing I want as a career, either to be a band director, or in the symphony. Nothing would be better than inspiring other people to be creative and live a life full of music. I would encourage people to be involved with music because it affects everything and everyone, and all music is performed uniquely. To get people involved with music, they must be able to see how it can affect one’s life, and how it can
2007-10-04 16:09:39 · 6 answers · asked by i_lyk3_cereal 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Performing Arts
To get people involved with music, they must be able to see how it can affect one’s life, and how it can show talent.
That's the rest of it, it wouldn't all fit in the question
2007-10-04 16:10:17 · update #1
VERY VERY good!!!
2007-10-04 16:45:08 · answer #1 · answered by kaisergirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be me but that first line is a little bit of a cliche (Music has been a big part of my life...) and it would be better to start some other way. Also on the first line: "since I first started with my flute" would sound better "since I first started playing the flute at age ___ " Other than that it's really good! We need more (good) music in our lives!
Good luck!
2007-10-04 17:02:31 · answer #2 · answered by Ibrahim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well written. Just a couple tips:
Say instead in sentence #1: "ever since I started playing my flute" just to clarify what you mean by "started with my flute"
Elaborate on HOW music defines who you are, and WHAT your inspiration was. { Did you just pick up a flute one day and start playing?} :)
Say instead: " Music is the only area I want to pursue as a career" Instead of "...the only thing I want as a career."
Clarify HOW music affects everything and everyone???
Overall an excellent paragraph. Just be sure to explain a statement after you say it. {Instead of saying "I love music" say "I love music because..." WELL DONE!!!! :)
2007-10-04 17:12:18 · answer #3 · answered by Theatre's Finest Female 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I couldn't have said it better, music has been my life also....nothing can compare to it....music keeps you company when your lonely....your never bored....it makes you happy... and you can also make a career out of something that you love so much.....what could be better ???? I play and teach classical guitar...and besides my family it has been the love of my life....Good luck to you....your going to make out well with your music and career because you have it in your heart !!!!
2007-10-05 01:29:34 · answer #4 · answered by chessmaster1018 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AMAZING DEFIANTE A+++++++++++++
2007-10-04 16:12:42 · answer #5 · answered by sap_6b_rules 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MUCH better than i would every had written it!
2007-10-05 09:09:47 · answer #6 · answered by >_0 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋