My husband and I have been together for 4 years, we have a baby and we got married this past july at the town hall. We had no ceremony at all, we didn't even bring our own witnesses. I did this with the understanding that we would have a real wedding-dress, cake, guests, etc. Also, I want a wedding ring-I ended up buying a fake for $25 on ebay and have been wearing it because I'm too ashamed to be ringless in public when people know I just got married. My husband knows this upsets me but he still isn't putting forth any effort to make the wedding or ring happen. What gives and what should I do?
2007-10-04 15:56:32 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
He doesn't need to have a wedding....I'm sorry...but you are already married! You can celebrate your marriage...but you don't get a big fake wedding now. It would be completely a farce if you go through the big white dress, bridesmaids, rings and vows, when you two are already married.
Now, giving you a real wedding ring, since you are married...THAT is not unreasonable, and I would be angry too...but as I said, a wedding when you are already married is foolish.
My suggestion would be to throw a big party to celebrate your marriage. Have family and friends there...serve food and cake...wear a beautiful dress (but not a wedding dress) and have your husband wear a nice suit (not a tux).
Guests may bring gifts, but do not expect it...this is not a wedding, it is a party, guests are not required to bring a gift.
If you want to give each other gold rings (to replace the fake one you are wearing), and reaffirm your vows in front of your guests, you can do that....but since you are already legally married, you do not need a minister/priest, and do not use the "Do you take this man..." type vows...Write your own. You have already exchanged the binding vows.
Have music, eat good food, dance and celebrate with your friends...but do not try to make this into a formal wedding...just a fantastic party in honor of your marriage, just like you would do if you eloped (which, I suppose, you did!)
Have fun,
~Kat
2007-10-05 02:07:09 · answer #1 · answered by Kat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why do young women do everything backwards? I would sit him down and have a heart to heart with him. I really think he has forgotten that you are truly his wife now. The problem was that you lived with him too long without the benefit of marriage and now because he took you to City Hall, he thinks that is O.K. and all the pomp and circumstance of a formal wedding is not necessary. But, quite frankly I would insist that you have a wedding, a dress, cake guests and a wedding ring, the whole nine yards, and if he refuses, then I have to tell you there is something wrong.
Remember this rhyme:
First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then comes Mary with the baby carriage
In that order. The problem is today, young women give their lives away without the benefit of marriage, security and they have children with men that can leave in a NY minute if they want. I hope some day that it will all turn around and young women won't give themselves without any security or promise of marriage.
2007-10-04 23:50:54 · answer #2 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You DID have a wedding. At the town hall. You chose to have a wedding with no guests. You can't re-run your wedding ceremony with fancier outfits-- that would be very rude, to invite people to a fake wedding.
You CAN have a nice formal anniversary banquet or something, where you can wear formalwear and have some element of the reception like a cake and toasts and such.
The ring problem is between you and your husband. What's going on, are you broke, or what?
2007-10-05 15:30:24 · answer #3 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to go get a marriage license from the court house and it has to be signed by someone that has the authorization to marry someone, and the signature of two witnesses. You should talk to your man and tell him how you feel about all this. Part of being a couple, married or not, is communication. About the ring, as long as you are in love, the ring doesn't matter. When my husband and I got married we just bought two plain wedding bands from Wal Mart. They weren't real, we only spent like $25 or something. Then the next year on my birthday he bought me a wedding ring set. So, don't worry so much about the ring. There are lots of people that don't get a ring or the ring they want till later on. When the money is better. Hope this helps, good luck!
2007-10-04 23:07:37 · answer #4 · answered by ShoeGal 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Honestly, it's probably not going to happen. It's almost certianly not going to be a priority to him -- ever.
The wedding you described having is a dream come true to most men. They have no use for wedding gowns, floral arrangements, seating assignments, fancy champagne flutes with your names engraved on them, little favor boxes, etc. It's all white noise to them, a really expensive way to put off having wedding-night sex.
You could always do what my sister did: set a date yourself and require that he just show up.
Now, I totally understand the deal with the ring, since it's a day-to-day thing that is constant physical evidence of your marriage. But as far as the wedding, the way I see it, there's no point now. The purpose of a wedding is to marry the man you love. The rest is just a party, and an expensive one at that.
2007-10-04 23:16:24 · answer #5 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't wait for the wedding and ring to happen. You've been waiting for four years and he still hasn't done anything. So, take the situation into your own hands and begin wedding planning. Set the date and begin dreaming up your wedding day. Take a look at your finances and set aside a budget (perhaps you can save a little every month for it). Get yourself a ring.
Don't make your happiness dependent upon your husband. Be proactive and get going. You'll feel happier about yourself and your marriage. Don't let yourself be manipulated into thinking "it will happen...someday or weddings cost too much money" etc. etc. Just do it. Here are some resources to help you on your way:
http://www.theknot.com
http://www.amazon.com/Knot-Complete-Guid...
I hope to hear from you soon about the wedding planning ;)
2007-10-05 01:45:47 · answer #6 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
As long as you play house with him for free, he's not going to do anything more than he has to. If money is a consideration, maybe he can't afford it, but if money is not the problem, you may want to rethink your situation. Was it an understanding or a promise? Did he swear that you would get those things? If it's really that important to you, then you need to put it to him in a way he can understand. Go sleep in another room until he gives you your wedding. Otherwise you may never have your wedding.
2007-10-04 23:12:54 · answer #7 · answered by kcpaull 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
having the big party/reception does NOT make you any more married than you already are. SAVE your money for now & concentrate on the baby you have coming - then maybe plan a **vow renewal** service for you 5 year anniversary . ALL that stuff is mostly for show anyhow.
2007-10-04 23:50:54 · answer #8 · answered by fairypelican 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did you marry him because you love him or did you get married with materialistic expectations and demands? It seems you are being selfish and not understanding your actions. You chose to marry at town hall and now you feel you're owed a big wedding and ring? Get over yourself.
2007-10-05 00:18:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't sound like he plans to make the effort. Weddings are really not what men are into. He should encourage you, but why when you are already married. Maybe you understood it and he was only agreeing to it to placate you. I know that is harsh but some men are like that. Sit him down ASAP. And tell him what you expect.
2007-10-05 02:41:04 · answer #10 · answered by my_son_wants_to_know 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋