Telemarketeer Repellent?

Question

1. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

2. Say "no" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

3. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

4. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog has the gout..."

5. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

6. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

7. Ask them to repeat everything they say several times.

8. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

9. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

10. When the salesperson asks, "Is this the homeowner?" say, "Is this the salesperson?" And when they say, "Yes," hang up.

Answer 1

LOL you had me rollin' on the floor! I printed your letter out and taped it to the wall next to the phone. I plan on implementing!

Answer 2

Alright, the Anti-Telemarketer Game. It's been a while, so I dug out my copy of it..


The Anti-Telemarketing Game

Everyone has gotten a call from a Telemarketer. The Scourge of the Telephone System. Previously when the phone rang, you always wondered if it was someone you knew, or another schmuck with something to sell. Well, the time has come to turn the tables. We need to take control of our own phones. We need to take the "market" out of Telemarketing.

Premise:
Telemarketers take the brute force approach to making sales. If you talk to a whole bunch of people, someone will buy what you are selling.

Counter-Tactic:
Waste as much of their time as you can. For each minute that you waste means several potential customers that will not be reached. Make Telemarketing unprofitable. Hanging up only increases the changes for them to make a sale. Don't let this happen!

Hints:
Most of the preliminary stuff is done by someone making minimum wage, and reads a script. Let them finish. It's easy points, and you were watching Star Trek and weren't using your phone anyway. It's easy to keep them interested using "attentive grunting", similar to when your mother calls.

Scoring:
Basic Point System:
For each minute spent on the phone 10 pts.
Getting transferred to someone who makes more than minimum wage 15 pts
For each minute spent on the phone with person making more than minimum wage 25 pts
Bonus Points:
Getting them to repeat part of the "script" 5 pts/each
Getting answers to stupid questions 15 pts/each
Changing the subject 50 pts/each
Making the salesperson angry 175 pts
Making the salesperson hang up 750 pts
Call back, get their boss on the phone, and tell them the salesperson hung up on you 1500 pts
Getting their 1-800- number 10 pts
Checking the number a week later and it is busy or disconnected 5000 pts

Example:
Ring
Me: Yes?
Them: Hi, I'm with Fly-By-Night Carpet Cleaning and we're in your area [...] [start clock->]
Them: [...] would like to know it you are interested?
Me: Sure...
Them: Well, we are currently offering [...]
Them: [...] depending on the size of the rooms.
Me: Well, how much for the whole house? [15 bonus pts!]
Them: Let me transfer you to
Them: Sir?
Me: Yes? [25 pts/min!]
Them: How large is your house?
Me: Oh, about 2,000 sqft.
Them: [...] Well, that would be about $xxx
Me: [duh?] It won't hurt the floor, will it?
Them: Oh, no! We use a [...this usually takes some time!...] and is completely safe.
Me: [duh?] Even with my pets?
Them: Oh, yes. The chemicals we use [...]
Me: Do you have to pre-treat, since I have pets?
Them: Yes, and we do that with [...]
Me: [repeat!] But the original offer was for $39.95, does that include treating for pets?
Them: [...]
Me: [subject change] Well, it is kind of dirty. The guys were over for the game. Did you see the Cowboys vs. the Rams?
Them: Yes.
Me: What a game! That last touchdown pass! Wasn't that a great play?
Them: Well, back to your house...
Me: Oh yes, what about moving the furniture?
Them: [...]
Me: [subject change] Do you clean furniture, too? Those guys spilled some beer. Have you smelled old beer on furniture before? But what a game, eh?! I couldn't believe that they couldn't move the ball in the second quarter... [...]
Them: [angry???] Ahem... Would you like us to come out?
Me: Well, when could you come out?
Them: How about next week?
Me: Hmmm... Morning or afternoon?
Them: Either would be fine.
Me: Do you have anything the week after?
Them: Sure, can I put you down for Tuesday?
[Okay, let's try for those last big bonus points:]
Me: Well, I don't think it matters, since I have all hardwood floors here!
Them: click Yes! 750 points!

Copyright © by antitelemarketer.com All Right Reserved.

Published on: 2003-08-08

Answer 3

no yet i pay attention tabasco sauce works, they could't cope with it so it reasons section outcomes alongside with loss of annoyance or exploding if we are in a position to locate the thank you to channel it nonetheless the computing gadget and then cover it as a Y!an element i'm valuable shall we get them to take the bait and voila! troll a l. a. tremendously spiced

Answer 4

I usually just trt selling them on any random product: How can I help you?
Is this your first time hearing about xyz product?
did you know this is a good product to F#@! yourself with?
click

Answer 5

Or just put yourself on the Do Not Call List: https://www.donotcall.gov/ Peace at last!

Answer 6

You must have tried this before. It seems like it works. Thanx for the suggestion. But my repellant is: if I say "hello" one time and they don't say anything, I hang up. NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

why don't you save yourself the trouble and go on line to the national "do not call registry" and register all you phones including cell phones. They will quit

Answer 8

Lol. I've used the "why don't you give me your number" thing before. I'll have to try the rest.

Answer 9

if you have the time, keep them on the phone as long as possible so they can't call someone else

Answer 10

xD
xD
im going to use some of those the next time a telemarketer...
*phone rings*

OMG
"Hello, can I interest you in..."
"no"
"Hold on, just listen pl..."
"no"
"Please, ma'am, a moment of your t....
"no"
*hangs up*

xD