i need to laugh can u help me out?

Answer 1

Woman is having an affair during theday while her husband is at work.


Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers
and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman's husband
unexpectedlycomes home.

She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy
is in there already.

The little Boy says: "Dark inhere."

The Man says: "Yes,it is."
Boy: "I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!"
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "R250-00."

A few weeks later it happened again and the boy and the lover were in
the cupboard together again.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have soccer boots."
The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?"

The Boy says:"R750-00."The Man says: "Fine, I will buy them."



A few days later, theFather says to the boy: "Grab your ball and boots,
let's go outside andhave a game." The Boy says: "I can't, I sold them
for R1000."
The Father says: "That'sterrible to overcharge your friends like
that...
R1000 is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to
church and make you confess your sins."

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.

The Boy says: "Dark in here."


The Priest says: "Don't start that sh!t again!"


THIS IS MY CHURCH NOT YOUR FATHER'S HOUSE !!!

Answer 2

A Sweet Story

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar.

I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, �Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?�

Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure Almond Joy!

I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots.

It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream �Oh Henry, Oh Henry!�

Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way.

She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, �Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff.� I said, �Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?�

(What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!)

She screamed, �Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!� as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup.

Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden... my Starburst!

Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach.

Sure enough, nine months later, out popped? Baby Ruth!

Answer 3

here's one for u ...hope u feel better

Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his wife of 50 years
suggested they take a cruise: "We could go somewhere for a week, and make
wild love like we did when we were young!" He thought it over and agreed.

He put on his hat and went down to the pharmacy, where he bought a bottle
of seasick pills and a box of condoms. Upon returning home, his wife said,
"I've been thinking. There's no reason we can't go for a month." So Mr.
Johnson went back to the pharmacy and asked for 12 bottles of seasick
pills and a box of condoms. When he returned, his wife said, "You know,
since the children are on their own, what's stopping us from cruising the
world?"

So back to the pharmacy Mr. Johnson went, and he brought 297 bottles of
seasick pills and the same amount of condoms up to the counter. The
pharmacist finally had to ask.

"You know, Mr. Johnson, you have been doing business with me for over 30
years. I certainly don't mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, why
the hell do you do it?"


CHeeRioS

Answer 4

Death Row In Women's Prison

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

Answer 5

Here's a joke:

A sea captain, circa 1809, was standing on the deck of his ship looking through his telescope. He saw 2 enemy ships in the distance and yelled to his cabin boy "Cabin boy...fetch me red shirt!"
"Why do you want your red shirt?" the cabin boy asked.
"Because," the captain explained "we're about to go into battle, and if I get wounded I don't want the blood to discourage me men!"
So the cabin boy got the red shirt, the captain put it on, then they defeated both enemy ships.

I week later...
The captain is again looking through his telescope, and he sees 10 ENEMY SHIPS!
He turns to his cabin boy and yells, "CABIN BOY...FETCH ME BROWN PANTS!!"

Think about it.

I hope that helps.

Answer 6

Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.

Answer 7

1)"Hello????
"yes?
"Oh hi sweetie is mommy their?
Girl:"yes she is up stairs with uncle john!
dad:"...sweetie we don't have an uncle john!
Girl:"Oh YES we do! his up stairs with mommy!!!!
dad:"ok go tell mommy that daddys car is in the driveway ok?
Girl:ok!
few minutes later....
Dad:"so????
girl:"well mom got up with nothing on but the ring and sliped and fell ....Um.... SHE AIN'T MOVING AT ALL!!!!! well as for uncle jonny he jumped out the window ,but didn't know that the pool was 7-19ft deep!
Dad:"...Pool? wait ..... is this ... 203-4576?????

2)My friends never seen london
They never been to france!
but yesterday they saw my underpants!!!!
I kicked a ball my skirt flew up and i knew what they all saw!
The boys all said: "Ohhh la la!!!!!"
The girls all Blushed and laughed!
To this conclution i have thought...
I'm emberased that they saw them BUT I'm GLAD I had them on!!

Answer 8

a jelly baby goes to the docs with std, doc says "you cant have std , ur a jellybaby" " i could have " replies the jellybaby ", "iv been sleeping with ALLSORTS " . HA HA HA did that do it hun xxx

Answer 9

what do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a swimming pool? Bob

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pile of leaves?Russell

Answer 10

Ok so before a woman says"what will i ever do without him"after they get together she says"what will i do with him" lol