my fiance' and i have been fighting for 5 days and she is ready to leave me, i need some outside thoughts

Question

She and I had been doing fairly well until Saturday night. I decided to go out for car parts and to get a six-pack of beer. While I was gone I ran into a friend around 7:30 and he asked me to go to the bar with him to have a drink. I decided to stay longer and had maybe 8 or 10 beers, I was to drunk to drive so I went to sleep in my truck for the night. I went home the next morning about 8:30 and she was horrified. She had been up all nite calling people, jails & hospitals. She doesn't believe me that I was passed out that whole time and that I dont remember where I was. She says she doesn't trust me because I have changed my story 4 times and because I get mad and scream because I dont want to talk about it. She wants me to tell her details, I shouldn't have to, she thinks I was with another woman. I love her deeply but I dont think I should have to tell her my where abouts all the time, she knows i'll come home. But now I have this enormous trust issue to deal with from her

How do you deal with a woman like that? Just because she is anal about letting me know where she is and if she is going to be late or if something happened and plans change, doesn't mean I have to be. She gets mad if we make plans and I dont show up. She gets mad if I stay out all nite, SHes says I lie to much and she doesn't know if she can trust me. She thinks If I dont have anything to hide then she should be able to ask me anything she wants. That makes me so mad and I dont want to tell all of my business, i dont think it concerns her

Answer 1

I;m with her dUck head. #

Answer 2

first off you really should have called to let her know that you would be late and after figuring out you couldn't drive you should have called again to let her know that you needed a ride home assuming you have 2 cars or called a frined or taxi and went home. See this is why I never plan on getting married i do stupid crap like this all the time and at the end of the day there is nobody to question me or worry where I am. Either way if I were you I would at least apologize for not letting her know that you would be out late. If you want a diffrent perspective then just turn the situation around. like she went to the mall and she still wasn't home that night what would you be thinking and doing. Would you be mad or suspect her of doing something other then waht her story was.

Answer 3

I think it's not how you can deal with her but how can she stand you!! And it's not because I am a woman and I am taking her side but give me a break with your excuses! You are definitely not ready for any kind of commitment and I am surprised to hear that you even managed proposed to her.

Once my fiance and I went on a few day trip and while staying at the hotel, my fiance decided to get some juice in the middle of the night. I woke up 4 hours later and realized that he never came back! That was the worst night that I ever had in my life because I thought he got into the accident or someone shot him, and he was dead. I couldn't come up with any other explanation. I didn't have my cell phone with me because I left it accidentally at home and his phone was going straight to his voicemail. I spent the rest of the night crying my eyes out because I thought my life was over. There is no way I could live without him.

So I absolutely can imagine what your fiance went through and I don't wish anyone to experience that horror. Instead of acting as it is her fault or she is overreacting, you should be cooking her dinners, buying flowers and apologizing for such careless and stupid behavior. 8-10 beers in one night and not thinking once to call your girl to let her know that you are okay???!! You must be kidding me. It's not only that you are inconsiderate of other people's feelings, you are also alcoholic and you should happy that some girl wants even to marry you! I hope she will dump you for good because you are definitely not worth of her, no matter even if she is the biggest bi*tch in the whole planet!

By the way, she is your fiancee for god sake! You should even be asking if she doesn't mind that you go out with your buddy for beer instead out of consideration. And it's not like she would say "no".

Why did you propose to her? I don't get it. It doesn't seem that you know anything about being in relationship or in love for that matter.

Answer 4

So you'd want her to leave on a simple errand and disappear for 13 hours? If you don't have a guilty complex why are you yelling? Maybe, someday your child will go out (doesn't matter if they are 5 or 18) and just disappear for 13 hours. How will you feel? Will you be searching, worrying, angry because they wouldn't take the time to make a call? You worry about those you love. If you really love her take care of this like a man, not screaming and whining. My hubby has been completely trustworthy for 20+ yrs and I'd think the same thing if he did not show up, and couldn't take 2 minutes to tell me he couldn't drive home.

Answer 5

you guys obviously (quite obviously) have some communication and trust issues. might i suggest trying to look at it from her perspective? how would you feel if she said she was just going to get some milk or something from the grocery store and didn't get back till morning? what would you think happened? you also have to take in the circumstances, whatever they may be. how many times have things like this happened? how long have you been together? you said she's your fiance, it could be stress from the wedding that's causing a lot of these problems. respect is also a big issue. if she feels bothered or worried about you being gone all night without an explanation (which, honestly, is quite understandable), then respect that and don't do it. explain to her how you feel but DONT scream and get mad because you don't want to talk about it. if you want it to be resolved, you HAVE to talk about it. also know that if youre feeling repressed or confined or suffocated, those are signs that you're not ready for such a serious commitment, and you could be lashing out and (im sorry to say) misbehaving like this because youre not sure what else to do. furthermore, know that neither one of you is completely at fault, but neither one of you is faultless either. it takes two to tango, and two to destroy an engagement. hope this helps, and good luck. =]

Answer 6

She deserves to know what happened. I was in a situation like that, and I worried myself sick over it. She is worried because she loves you, and she thinks you cheated because you didn't come home. You created the situation, so it's up to you to resolve it. Just tell her what happened and be done with it. What is the problem with telling her the whole story unless there are things that you just don't want her to know. She's not asking for you whereabouts all the time, she wants to know where you were that night.

I would not trust you if you changed the story four times, heck, there aren't four different versions of the truth! You are lying to her and she needs to know that you'll be honest with her if she marries you. It makes sense for her to think that you were with another woman. You told four different versions of the story. At least three versions have to be lies. Come on, take responsibility and tell her the whole truth, and next time, limit your alcohol consumption. Sleeping in a car can be dangerous. Being drunk in public leaves you open to all kinds of danger. Not coming home scares the crap out of your fiance.

Respect her feelings and tell her the truth. She may rant and rave a bit, but it will blow over. If you refuse to tell her the truth, this will go on forever!

Answer 7

well trust is a big deal i relationships and she likes or loves you alot so she's worried about losing you. you need to tell her that you understand that but you need your space too. so maybe you should agree to start checking in more not all day everyday just more and tell her that you dont have anything to hide but you just need space. so maybe this little break is good for the BOTH of you but as long as it's just a break. if you really like her and you dont have doubts about the relationship then you'll just apologize the best you can and work it out together but if you dont truly care then just forget about it. so first thats what you need to ask yourself.......if you are willing to fix the trust issue. because trust is the main ingrediant to a healthy relationship so just try to talk about it as soon as you can and just work on it, you on your checking up or in and she needs to work on her insecurity issues/problems and give eachother a break every once in a while.
think before you do anything rash

Answer 8

J Rod sorry but on this one I have to agree with your fiance. She was obviously worried and upset when you didn't return as you said. Who knows how many other times you have pulled the same thing and perhaps she has good reason to question your sincerely. A good apology and the truth would benefit you and your relationship enormously, but by the sounds of it you aren't prepared for that. You are a lucky man if she continues to stay with you and carries through with the wedding plans. Maybe you just need to ask yourself how you'd feel if the shoes where reversed and she pulled this on you. Good luck in solving this one but the ball is in your court if you want things to improve.

Answer 9

It's not a trust issue its just her way of telling you she was worried and you scared her to death. Women have the tendency to overreact, you being gone so long made her thin of every possible excuse to why you were not home. Plus when she calls and you did not answer tends to tell women somethying is up especially when you always answer her calls. Just let it blow over you guys will be fine, just next time let her go with you to get beer or let her no you are not coming straight back home.

Answer 10

1) Why the hell didn't you call her to tell her the change of plans. You mess up. Badly.

2) Cool off for a few days. Both of you. Then take her some flowers and talk with her.

3) It sounds like you're feeling guilty. You DO have to give her the details. You can't just pretend like you didn't spend the night elsewhere without telling her.

It's time to act like an adult and own up to your mistake. If you love her, you'll be honest with her.

Answer 11

WEll shes freaking out with good cause. You have to tell her the truth and look her straight in the eyes. Remind her that you love her and just keep trying. You should have called her when you ran into your friend and decided to go to the bar. Not to ask her, but to let her know.