Is it appropriate for his friends to stay at our house ALL weekend?

Question

We have been dating for three years, we have lived together for two, and have never had these issues. Lately, he's been inviting the guys over on Friday (before I walk in the door after a 50-hour work-week) for poker or a party, (which is fine, I like entertaining), but it turns into a weekend-long sleepover.

Saturday morning usually consists of me waking up and walking over sleeping men in my living room who wake up and watch MLS and College football all day... which turns into drinking and watching trilogy movies and end up sleeping in my living room on Saturday night too.

Sunday morning usually consists of me waking up and walking over sleeping men in my living room who wake up and watch NFL football and argue about fantasy football all day.

When they finally leave, it's 10pm on Sunday night... and time for me to go to bed b/c I have to wake up at 4am to go to work. I'm exhausted, I've talked to him about it, but nothing seems to work, how would you deal with this??

We do spend time together on the weekdays, after we work. I love having people over, and I USED to make breakfast for everyone, now it's reduced to coffee in the mornings, and they can buy their own food (instead of eating us out of house and home)...

I'm just trying to figure out the best way to stop this before I have a mental breakdown...we both work really hard during the week, and I know that it's his way to chill out and get over his hard week. So, because of that, I've been very understanding, but every weekend is too much.

I'm not bitchy, I'm very laissez-faire, but I feel like I need to be angry about this because that is the only way that he will realize that I am serious... I'm not trying to be 'that girlfriend' that doesn't let him have people over, but I just feel like I've let him have people over enough for our entire future lives together...

I called my Mom and she said exactly the same thing, just to tell him that I need time to myself. Wish me luck. :)

Answer 1

My husband and I have been married for 22 years. When we first married, our home was alot like the way you described yours. I was very laid back, he was very laid back -- and his friends thought we were the "coolest" couple in the world! When I finally had had enough, I asked my husband how much he was enjoying his buddies being over all the time. Turns out, he was just as fed up as me -- but didn't know how to handle the situation.

We had to gradually put limits on the friends. What worked best was on Saturday nights, we would go out, just the two of us. I would get ready first, then my husband would get ready. He would excuse himself from his buddies, tell them that he had to get cleaned up and ready for our evening out, and that usually sent the message that it was time to GO. His friends would grumble, but leave. Over time, they stopped taking advantage of our hospitality.

Beware of the few who simply don't get it. Your husband may have to explain to them that he values his friendships, but wants to spend time with his woman.

Eventually, we started inviting the buddies back to the house for poker games, watching games, etc. But, after the fun was over, we would subtly walk them to the door. Works every time.

You don't have to get mad, or throw a fit -- you just need to communicate.

Best wishes!

Answer 2

Wake them up fairly early on Saturday morning by playing some annoying (to men) music. Then, just to be nice feed them some sort of breakfast.

Then, put them to work. Have them mow the lawn, take out the trash, rake the leaves, clean the gutters. Whatever needs done that they could do just as well at their own homes. If you have an apartment, you'll have to come up with other chores but you get the idea. Have them scrub the toilet or something. They'll disappear pretty fast.

Answer 3

Wow that is totally unacceptable./ I mean, once in a blue moon is okay or if they are guests from out of town, but that is horrible! Is there anything goin on in your relationship right now? Perhaps your boyfriend doesn't feel comfortable being alone with you right now because there is tension in the relationship.

You need to put your foot down, seriously. THis is YOUR house too, and you are not expected to play host and clean up after everyone, esp if they aren't ppl you are close to. I would tell your boyfriend htis is bothering you a lot, you feel like he doesn't want any alone time with you, and if he insists on continuing, tell him you're going to move out into your own place until he decides to grow up. And follow through if you have to.

Answer 4

He's being disrespectful and is taking you for granted. It also sounds like he's trying to avoid you or is taking out some kind of resentment on you. There's some serious passive-aggressiveness going on here.

1) I'd consider if there were any issues before this started that you might not have taken as seriously as he thought you should or that he compromised on.

2) Talk with his friends. Let them know they're disrespecting you and how stressful their presence has become. Ask them to cut back and at least let you have Sundays.

3) Treat yourself to a spa weekend and let him pay for it.

Answer 5

Does he work? Do you pool all of your money? Or do you have joint accounts? Do you have access to, say, one of his charge cards, if you don't pool all of your money? Consider staying in a hotel over the weekend. Pamper yourself a bit and get some rest. Let him deal with cleaning up after and feeding his friends. Do it on his dime. Then he might get your message.

Seriously, though, you should talk to him about it. Don't "try" to talk to him about it. Let him know just what about the situation bothers you. Lay it all out as rationally as you can. Maybe negotiate how many times a month, a year, he can have his sleep overs. Good luck.

Answer 6

Your man is walking all over you! I would let him know that it's your house too and if he doesn't keep his friends from spending so much time there, you're going to tell his friends they're not welcome to stay. You really need to nip this in the bud - you've already put up with way more than I would even think about doing. Maybe I am more of a biotch, but I hate disrespect & that's exactly what this is.

Answer 7

How old is your boyfriend? Is he 12 or 13 or 14 years old? Sleepovers are for kids or single people. Not for people into a relationship. You will have to seriously confront him on this. Maybe once every 6 months but not even once a month, let alone every weekend.

Answer 8

If talking to him and asking him not to invite his friends over hasn't worked, honestly, you might want to find another place to live. If he disrespects your wishes that much (and they are perfectly reasonable wishes) then maybe he's not as committed to you as you thought.

On Friday night or Saturday morning when the party is winding down, offer to call cabs for people, get their coats, and politely get them out the door.

The answer just previous to mine might also be correct. You should try her way first.

Answer 9

You need to put your foot down and stop this. You are not living with a bunch of men who have nothing better to do than waste away their weekend, you are living with one man!! He needs to stop this childish behavior. He is not a college bachelor!! It is better that he is at home instead of who knows where, so let him do it on occasion.... once or twice a year. That should be a good compromise.

Answer 10

tell him that u worked hard all week and that u would like some peace and quite during saturday and sunday once in a while. Or have some of ur girlfriends over and see how he feels.