Why should I apologize if I'm not at fault?

Question

For example, if someone else gets really pissed off at me because THEY misunderstood what I've said, why should *I* be expected to apologize?

Answer 1

Some people get their personal validation from being 'right' ALL the time. My mother and brother are the same way, and growing up I had to concede to them to keep the peace. Looking back on it I can say that it did have a less than positive effect on my psyche.

Now I live 3000 miles from them and to be honest this is one reason. It's not that I have to be right but rather it would have been nice if they had listened to me. Even now neither of them will grant me the same courtesy (listening) which they have always demanded of me.

My father would tell me to just concede and then tell me that they're right and NOT to confuse them with facts. It's like your arguments with Bible-literalists, no matter how much empirical evidence you may have, some people will never listen.

So no, I don't think you should be expected to apologize; right now neither my brother nor my mother are willing to speak to me until I apologize for something similar. Fine with me, I'm a bit tired of being dragged into THEIR arguments -it is sometimes kind of fun watching two people who are always right argue, it doesn't take long for the screaming and insults to fly.

Answer 2

nicely i think of your Scorpio boyfriend is doing nicely - I certainly have countless Scorpio acquaintances and kinfolk contributors, and that i've got by no potential heard one ask for forgiveness! Ever! the main i've got heard is, "Oh ... ok then i assume I won't stab you in spite of each and every thing". And he admits sometimes he's at fault! Wow good going. lower back, by no potential heard that from a Scorp. You needless to say have some magic touch. Scorpios are very proud too - proud and soft. lots of them have a reliable humorousness nevertheless (some thing i don't think of the astrology books point out frequently adequate) and often you are able to comfortable issues over with a shaggy dog tale (not giggling AT them, you comprehend).

Answer 3

It would depend on how articulate you actually were. If the exact words you used could be legitimately misunderstood, then you should apologize. If you absolutely correct in your wording, then you do not need to apologize.

If you have this happen often enough to be asking this question in a public forum, I think perhaps you might need to shoulder the blame at least some of the time.

Answer 4

Someone once told me, always be the big-of-me. Don't think of who is right or wrong. You want peace and to get along. You can simply say, "I'm sorry". If they want to talk about it, try not to get into blame game with them, maybe just ask for a fresh start?

Answer 5

Why, because some people cannot stand to act as if they're human - they'd rather assume they are always right and thus if anything you say disagrees with their viewpoints then you MUST be wrong! Fun, huh? Oh, and be careful you don't get upset and change your mind about how you've always felt about something temporarily. Even if your reasons for changing your mind for a moment are perfectly valid you may remind someone of something they dislike in themselves and they will then have every right to project their anger onto you. If this is what is happening to you, darling, you must be careful! That is a crime punishable by character defamation, public flogging, and/or the death of your account!

Please - don't do what I have always done in the past and apologize for things you didn't do (esp. not to the person I believe you may be speaking of) - it will get you nowhere but deeper in the mire. Don't allow this person to manipulate you because he has chosen to become a selfish bas*ard. It is NOT your fault, not one damn iota. And if you are speaking of someone else, my apologies. Same goes for them. :-)

I'll kick the rear end of anyone who is forcing you to apologize for their own malicious and selfish 'problems'. Then, I will chew their arm off and flush their head down the toilet over and over and over again until they realize they're mistake. And all the while I'll be feeding you Snickerdoodles, because I love you.

(((ZERO COOL)))

EDIT: Whoa, what the heck crawled up Heidi's ar*e and died today? You're wrong because SHE says so? Because you "always" do this? Wow. Sounds like a few people I got to know better last week, who turned out NOT to be the people they prided themselves upon being. Actually - the people they BRAGGED about being in some subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways. If she has a problem with you and acts all high & mighty about it, then she has a problem with me too. And why the heck should you have to publicly reveal who wants you to apologize? Do that and you'll have a bloody drama-fest on your hands, with people talking crap about you even though they never knew you at all in the first place. Like, say, Southpaw, who doesn't know me from Adam yet left some comment judging me on a blog of babbling, malicious rantings someone posted for the sole purpose of maligning me. Did he ask me what had occurred or ask for my side of the story? Noooo (not that it would have been his business, but regardless...). He just assumed the blogger was telling the straight-up truth and not leaving out some fine details - like what really happened. Ah, where was I? *Scratches head, grinning guiltily* Oh, yes! NEVER mention names. Just let it go. ;-P After all, words can never hurt you, right?

WRONG-O! And Heidi, get off your high and arrogant horse and treat other people as you would wish to be treated, eh?

Answer 6

Because it takes a strong person to apologize. Apology lets the other person know that you want to reconcile the issue and opens the way for them to apologize too. You don't have to apologize as if you were at fault, but you can say- " I'm sorry we had this disagrement. I forgive you and I would like to move past this." It's a lot easier to forgive someone for being wrong than for being right. If you forgive and say you are sorry that the other person got upset, you have nothing to regret.

Answer 7

You just say, I am sorry that you misunderstood me. Really, you are not losing anything by apologizing, are you? It doesn't cost you anything. Except your pride maybe?

I will apologize to anyone if they say I hurt their feelings, even if I didn't intentionally do it.

Life is better that way.

Answer 8

Oh that's simple... it's your fault they got pissed off. You should have known to say nothing.. or at least have known that what you said could be misunderstood... with the consequences which flowed from it. You should.. it's polite.

Do you know.. it is very easy to type with your tongue planted into the side of your cheak... pity there are no visuals in this forum.

Answer 9

It depends on how important the relationship is to you. If this person is important to you then address the misunderstanding, one can be sorry for a misunderstanding, that doesn't mean you have to take ownership of the problem. If the relationship isn't important to you than don't waste your time arguing back and forth about who should or shouldn't apologize.

Answer 10

As long as you've pointed out to the person that they have misunderstood you, nothing further on your part is required. No apology is needed.