My Dad (step dad since 15) died in 2006. My Mother has met this man that she thinks hung the moon. Well he claims to be in the Army. I feel he is full of crap because of some of the things he says. He calls my Mom late at night, sees her about every 6 months for just a day or two then he is gone again and will call in about 3 weeks one night late and drunk. I am worried about my Mom and her mental statis. She is only 65 and a beautiful woman and I am worried this man is taking advantage of her. I have done some checking and I know he has a son in the army, I know how to get in touch with him and I have traced the number he calls from and it is to a cell. What else can I do. My mom is still very fragile and I am worried. I know she is a grown woman and I should stay out of it but I don't want mom hurt. He is coming in this weekend supposedly so help!
2007-10-04 11:17:12 · 9 answers · asked by soulmate_n_nc 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
OK you asked the question and I know how you feel and you know that I would and did do the same with my mother. Your step-dad has been passed for a year you cannot expect your mother to morn forever . People deal with their grief in different ways. You of all people know that.It seems to me that all of her kids want what is best for her,however it seems that some of you want her to be dependent on you forever. I know that you are THE private DICK!! (LMAO) and you probably know everything and I mean everything about this man. Your mom talked to me one day and said that she wanted to move on and start getting out but she felt like that she was gonna hurt one of her children if she tried to move on it was not that she didn't love your step dad but would he want her to sit around and morn herself to death? We both know the answer to that question. Loosen up just a little your mom is a tough woman allow her to make some decisions on her own but also allow her to need you to be there without smothering her.
2007-10-04 15:27:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Casually chat with him. Get on the subject of birthdays. Then give yours (the month and year) and mention your mom's. Then ask his. Excuse yourself to the rest room and write it down.
Then later in a conversation with your mom tell her you want to know more about him (but cheerfully). Get his last name and age, that'll give you the year. Then go online and get a criminal history with one of those online sites. Ask a question here and someone can suggest the best place. The check will also include previous places he has lived. Go to those towns and visit. Go to place like local diners and beauty shops. Even if you have to mess your hair up and get it done a dozen times. Use a cover story like you are trying to find your long lost relative or you have a check for the person, etc. You should be able to get some info. It takes a lotta leg work but your mom is worth it. Then if you find out anything fishy, present her with the facts. She may still not listen, but then you know you have done all you can.
2007-10-04 11:26:02 · answer #2 · answered by James Watkin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is 2007! Let your mom do her thing. It's time for her to get back into the swing of things. Just be glad she's not sitting around still mourning the death of her husband she'll be find. And if something should go wrong just be there for her if she needs you. She is a 65 year old woman she didn't get that old by being a fool. Good Luck and GOD BLESS!!!!!
2007-10-04 11:23:47 · answer #3 · answered by kryptonnite2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like you are in a very sticky situation. I know how much it hurts to see your family hurt and perhaps trying to intervene is not the correct answer. What your mother needs right now is family.
After the passing of your father, of which my empathies go out to you and your family, it has left a void in your mother and perhaps she feels alone and that there is a void there. She may be trying to fill the void with a masculine influence in her life.
Perhaps she is trying to subvert her emotions by allowing herself to "move on" so soon after his passing. This is a very trying thing to watch someone you care about go through but the most important thing right now is to be close to her, show her you love her. Show her support and try to help fill that masculine void by helping her out as much as you can around the house or just talking to her.
All my best to you and your family during this trying time and may the gods watch over you, which-so-ever you worship or do not worship. Blessed be.
2007-10-04 11:24:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Congratulatons for your maturity and the caring you have for your mother . I am 65 and would like to have a dauther like you Because we are the same age I can put myself in her shoes At our age we tend to think that our children are trying to contol our life And its not true they are protecting us .. Here my advice Do you know someone who has lots of influence on her Go to this person and explain the situation and ask her if she would talk to your mother You have nothing to loose and everything to gain Good Luck
2007-10-04 11:35:15 · answer #5 · answered by lala 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, there's much you can do except to be there for her if this guy breaks her heart. If you have the opportunity to ask him questions, ask him in front of your mother where he is stationed, what his job is in the Army, or if he has any pictures he can share with you and her. You might also ask him what his rank is.
2007-10-04 11:28:12 · answer #6 · answered by Virginia B (John 16:33) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your mom about your concerns as an adult but remember if she wants to do what she wants you can only watch her back. I hope things work out for you.
2007-10-04 11:28:39 · answer #7 · answered by Michael K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello : the way for you and mom .it is a defend and help form you to your mom...Please say with you self ( GOD bless us )... Regards
2007-10-04 11:30:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is pretending to be someone he really isnt i think that is a crime. if it is contact the police, and then your mom will see, that he isnt right, but first find her a back-up man, that you approve of so she has kinda like a fall back.
2007-10-04 11:21:41 · answer #9 · answered by pugglelover1207 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋