My husband and I are having a little disagreement and I need your help. My Father-n- law has a problem with staying faithful to his significant others. I say others because there have been many in the two years I have known him. His last wife, I was very close to her and we are bestfriends. (they are divorced now). They are divorced because he cheated on her four times in one year! She caught him with his current girlfriend. He has cheated on his current girlfriend, I know this because I saw him leave work with another woman and that womans car was parked at the local motel! (this is sleezy). I told my husband that he enables his fathers behavior by acting like it doesnt bother him. My husband was very sad with his fathers last divorce because she is a good woman who is genuine in her actions and words. My husband has gotten used to the fact of having women ripped out of his life that he has gotten close to. I have refused to play his fathers sick game of manipulation.
2007-10-04 10:45:04 · 6 answers · asked by Shana H 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I refuse to go to his fathers house when he and his new girlfriend are having "fake family dinners". I told my husband that until he can leave a relationship in some sort of healthy way without infidelity then I will not allow myself to get close to anymore of his "wives" or girlfriends. There is a family reunioun on sunday and my fathernlaw and his girlfriend will be there.......do i go? His dad is the type to try to push people on you. I am afraid that I would open my mouth and say something to her that I may regret....like ......"Hi! nice to meet you, you seem really nice..........nice is the type that he preys on!"......help! what should i do?
2007-10-04 10:49:14 · update #1
You can't change FIL; its just not going to happen. Think of this situation as if an acquaintance was asking you to dinner or meeting them at family reunions, you keep it at a superficial level not develop a deep attachment. The best thing to do is support your hubby and make him feel loved.
Your FIL's GF knew what type of man he is and so don't feel bad or feel that you have an obligation to tell her about him. You FIL's failure to value his relationships with significant others doesn't include you or your hubby. If you don't make a deep attachment you won't get hurt. Good luck.
2007-10-04 11:07:04 · answer #1 · answered by Michael K 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well as sad as it is to say you have no control over your father-in-law. Maybe you could talk to him about values and beliefs and STD's. He could be going through the mid-life crisis but being unfaithful does not make him a better man and it does not set a very good example for his children or his grandchildren. Having people come in and out of their lives is not a healthy relationship. I read a beautiful quote today it said, "The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved." Mother Teresa said that. Maybe he feels unloved for all the cheating he has done in his life. He is looking for love in all the wrong places. I think you and your family should have a talk with your father-in-law and let him know how concerned you are about him. Let him know how much you love him. Hopefully you can get through to him.
2007-10-04 17:55:10 · answer #2 · answered by teresa m 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure this effects your husband in more ways then just sadness. I'm sure you probably might have ideas about your husband as well. Or maybe not. I think it is high time a meeting is called. This is family after all. And we aren't kids running around in the playground. You are all adults, so be adults and bring gramps down a peg. Maybe he's doing it for the attention. Obviously he feels like he's not getting enough.
2007-10-04 17:50:49 · answer #3 · answered by cravencx 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There isn't anything you can do about ANY relative's life style. And it will only stress you out to try.
These women that he cheats on have to know that he will do the same to them, if they don't they're not very smart. But they are grown women and able to make their own choices.
As to your own relationships to them (and the one your close to) you have to make that decision--as to how close or how much effort you want to put into knowing them. You don't have to have anyones permission to have a friend.
Two of my husband's sisters are remarried after divorices...there wasn't any cheating on any parties part (My own ex did, so I do know what your saying) but my husband and I are close to both ex husbands. there are children involved with both families and they are friendly if not close.
2007-10-04 17:55:09 · answer #4 · answered by Wanda K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should mind your own business. That is a grown man he may just want to do whatever with whom ever he chooses. Those are also grown *** women he is dealing with they can handle themselves. You can't tell a grown person that has their own what to do and how to do it. You don't like it your doing the right thing by not going to his house. As far as not liking the new girlfriend he's with it's not her fault he took a liking to her and Visa versa. If she didn't do anything to you personally you have no real reason not to like her. Sounds like you have a little to much time on your hands to worry about who that old man is screwing. Just tend to your husband and house hold and you real want have time to care what the hell he's doing nor who he's doing it with.
2007-10-04 18:08:01 · answer #5 · answered by kryptonnite2000 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you really love your husband,then start showing it dear! dont you think that all this might be hurting him too....??
whatever his father decides to do with his life & relations, does not concern you!
stand by your man and dont let anything come between you, even if you have to visit his dad!
2007-10-04 17:58:21 · answer #6 · answered by mavircal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋