my bfs friend was in a state of distress about 6 months ago. his relationship failed,leaving him homeless bc they lived together, & he was having a really tough time. we let him stay at our apartment under a temporary basis.But then he just kind of moved in.One night he opened the door & started lugging all of his things into our spare bedrm.He gave us $300 for the room(& continues to pay every month).It was all bad from the start, but i felt unable to complain because he was my bf's friend,& was going through tough times.He uses everything of ours.The only things he has that are his are his clothes, underwear and some toiletries,other than that he uses (and breaks, and dirties) our dishes, pots, pans, bath towels, LOOFAH SPONGES! I mean come on right?He tells his friends that its his apartment&offers girls our food & wine.He comes in at 2-5 am waking us up every other night.Now him &his girl got back together,&she comes over every day &night. How do I polietly get rid of this moocher?
2007-10-04 10:30:38 · 8 answers · asked by *.::Mz~T3Mp3R::.* 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It has been killing me so bad that I constantly pick at my boyfriend to ask him to leave. All we do is fight over it. I dont think its my place to ask him. But I dont care anymore. I just want him gone, and our home to be OUR HOME again.
2007-10-04 10:31:58 · update #1
One of the most important lessons I have learned with my husband is that if you nag, meaning bring it up and keep bringing it up, he is going to tune you out....
If you argue about it? He is going to tune you out.
So, how do you get through?
Well, I have found that men react well to a little coaxing and hand holding. Don't get me wrong, it's not sneakiness...you aren't being manipulative. You are simply catching more flies with honey than you do with vinegar...
In my humble opinion, the best way to go about this is to cool your heels for a week. Starting now, through next Friday, make absolutely every effort to keep your calm, be your sweet and loving self...be thoughful and considerate....don't argue with him at ANY cost...just hold it together. Be the best g/f you can possibly be.
On friday, schedule a date with your man to go out to dinner and maybe a movie. At dinner, wait until after you have both eaten...
Then, tell him something like...
"Sweetie, I really want to talk to you about something, is that ok??"
Then say,
"I love you so much...and one of the things I love the most about you is that you are such a kind hearted person and you are so good to your friends and to me. I really admire your sense of loyalty and friendship...you did such a good thing by opening our home to 'Joe' and I can see that it really helped him a great deal--so, I am sorry if I have given you a hard time or if it seems as if I don't understand the obligation you feel to him as your friend.
I am just hoping that you might talk to me a bit about when you think that 'Joe' might be finding his own place? The reason I ask is because I would really like to be alone with you again...I really miss being able to come home to just you and have the two of us at home--and being comfortable just walking around in my underwear, you know? It's just hard with a third person in the house to be truly close and intimate with each other, and I miss that."
Frame it in a way that makes it seem as though he is the one with a plan, you trust his judgment, and you know that he will do the right thing for your relationship...men like to be the problem solvers and they like to be in charge.
The thing you want to avoid is making it seem as if you are calling the shots--expecially in front of his friend....
Make sure you encourage him to come to a decision about the arrangment on his own...and if you carry through on the sweetness-niceness plan, you will be the g/f he wants to be alone with...
You might be so irritated with the situation right now, that you are a little prickly to be around and so his buddy might be a welcome distraction from the tension between the two of you.
2007-10-04 12:43:03 · answer #1 · answered by joellemoe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely no easy answer to this one. It seems it is testing the strength of your relationship with your boyfriend. I suppose in some ways your boyfriend is enjoying having his friend about, and if he's not noticing the details, like the use of all your things, then he's not bothered, and not understanding where you are coming from. I wonder if a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend is worth considering. Do it away from the apartment on neutral territory, and explain how hard it for you to have your time together constantly interfered with, and your belongings which are particularly personal to you used without respect. I would recommend that you don't demand this guy leave immediately. Aim for something like a month or two months, and try to get a firm date for this guy to leave. It will actually be best coming from your boyfriend to his friend, if you can actually motivate your boyfriend to agree to that. I imagine life is really difficult for you at the moment without the easy comfort of your normal life with your boyfriend and a sense of your home really being your own home. I sincerely wish you the best.
2007-10-04 10:44:55 · answer #2 · answered by aliantha2004 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend isn't adult enough to understand why you'd want some space from his best friend, then perhaps you should kick both guys out of the apartment!
Have you tried explaining it to him from the perspective that you'd like some time to really get back to your relationship with him, and not having to worry about a "third-wheel," or just from the perspective of being tired of this particular friend? Perhaps if he sees it as some "together time" for the two of you, rather than kicking his friend out, he would be more amenable to having a serious talk and getting the bum out on his own again.
2007-10-04 10:48:24 · answer #3 · answered by JenV 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Darling you need to grow some balls and tell him to get out yourself.
It's obvious that it has gone from helping him out to allowing him to use you guys. Tell him straight up that he has a one months notice to get his things and get out. If your boyfriend doesn't like it, tough sh*t. It's your house to. Talk to your boyfriend about it WITHOUT nagging or making HIM do it. You are the one that wants him gone so you need to speak up. Ask your boyfriend how would he feel if one of your friends was doing this to you guys? I imagine he'd feel the same way.
If him leaving isn't an option. You need to tell him that he needs to pick up the bill for his own food and his portion of utilities.
LEGALLY he has no right to be there. So even if you kick him out in the middle of the night...there isn't anything he can do about it. If you got him to sign the lease though, that is a whole other scenario. If he signed anything when he moved in than legally he has every right to be there.
Good luck. Hope everything works out for you.
2007-10-04 10:42:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You never said what your bf thinks, but that aside.... Politely, with a smile, tell him you need privacy for your relationship with your bf to grow and that he has 2 weeks to find another home. Politely! One of 2 things will happen. He will move or your bf will take his side. Then if your boyfreind takes his side you will have learned something about him as well. In either case you will win.
2007-10-04 11:58:44 · answer #5 · answered by Michael 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay just friends, tell her to stop leading you on though. if she told you she likes you but never would date you what does that tell you then? it sounds like shes trying to play you dude. It sounds like she likes to tease you into making the first move too by asking you to draw something near her crotch. I would tell her you just wanna be friends, the whole situation sounds weird to me. There's plenty of single girls out there your age why spend your time trying to get wih a girl who doesn't wanna ever date you . your playing with fire if you have sex with her and thats it.
2016-04-07 04:14:36 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There may not be a polite way to do that but you do have to give him a period of time - say a week - to find his own place and if your boyfriend takes his side rather than yours, get rid of him as well.
2007-10-04 10:42:09 · answer #7 · answered by Al B 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Move to a better apartment and don't invite him along.
2007-10-04 11:17:11 · answer #8 · answered by TryItOnce 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋