what do i do my dad is an alcoholic? I can't go anywhere anymore because I always fear what will happen ....

Question

if im not there, so im always affraid
I am 21 years old now and his alcoholism is affecting our family. I am a third year college student and im also prelaw. I love school, howver find it very hard to concentrate when all i can think about is that at home he might be drunk again.

When he used to drink and get upset he got violent with my mom a couple of times, and the next day didn't remember a thing, well that is all behind us now and he swears up and down that he is done drinking for good. this last about 3 weeks at the most, and then its back again. Im always walking on eggshells to make sure that they don't fight, to consol my mom and to make sure he's not angered because I knwo what that leads to.

Im writing this with tears in my eyes because i simply don't know that to do anymore, I want him to stop but am afraid to even bring it up when he is sober because I don't know what he will act like. I sit at school with fear that at home they will fight or that he will drink.

i have a boyfrind who i have been with for almost 3 years and this is also affecting our relationship as all i do is worry about my parents. im also an only child.

If anyone has gond througth this or has any advice please help i really dont know what to do anymore.

thanks for all the answers so far. the thing is they have been married for 30 yrs and he is a really good guy, he isn't a bad guy, just when he drinks i can't stand it anymore. and he doens't attack my mom like some of you said that he could kill of hurt someone bad, its not like that, and it happened like 2 times his whole life, when he was drunk that is way in the past, i just want him to stop drinking, becaus when he is sober he is a decent guy, i just dont know how to say hey dad we need to go to AA meeting im scared of his reaction. and not in a violent way just scared

Answer 1

you need to talk to him when he is not drunk he needs help before hurt some bad talk you mom into leaving him if he doesn't stop the drinking you will all be safer in the long run because one day he will end up hurting some one

Answer 2

You might have to have an intervention. Have all the people that are being affected by his alcoholism meet up and have a mediator there. The only way he may stop is to see how much he is affecting all these people. Maybe, you're mom and should also move out. Only then will his actions be apparent to him. You're mom could also just call the cops any time he tries to get violent and maybe the judge can impose a mandatory rehab sentence. Good luck!

Answer 3

First of pray and relax. There is nothing you can do personally to change things. That is something your father has to do. You should be happy with your boyfriend and try to focus on your life. I know you love your parents suggest to your mother that yall get dad into a facilty for acholism. He will come out good and dry and ready to make a change. That will give him the time he needs sober to reflect. Once he is open to rehab and is ready to make that step things will be better but until then all you can do is pray. sweetheart I have been there my mother was a victim and rest her soul, you don't want to wait to late. If he starts to be violent your mother may want to go and stay with a friend or relative. If your mother and father aren't willing to change then how can you? It is not up to you they are grown and its terrible that they make you feel this way. Love tham the same but leave it in there hands. Focus, graduate and become more. learn from this and let them focus on thier marriage and abuse rather its physical or alcohol. Lord be with you.

Answer 4

Have you ever seen that show intervention? You should try to get him on the show! Seriously they'll pay for the rehab and everything. Or... do your own intervention. Find a rehab near you and find out about financial aid and then set up an intervention time and place with everyone that loves your dad. Tell him what you want and exactly what's gonna happen if he doesn't go. Like you'll refuse to speak to him, your mom can stay with some else for awhile, stuff like that.
At some point you have to detach yourself though. You have to realize he's an adult and not let him ruin your life. It's like my mom. She's super controlling and I just want to push it into her mind that she raised me and now I'm an adult in this world free to make my own decisions. Same with your dad at some time you need to step back and let him live his own life and make his own decisions. You can't be there for him 24-7!
Good luck!

Answer 5

i grew to become into raised via my single alcoholic father. he drank from the time i grew to become into 3 till i grew to become into sixteen. he drank 12-18 beers an afternoon oftentimes occurring. i'm 30 and for the 1st time EVER i'm relationship a non-alcoholic. i comprehend how this could impact you, no remember in case you % it to or not. i don't understand why you have not talked on your husband approximately your dad? He could comprehend and he could % to comprehend why it fairly is bothering you lots. He could decrease returned in case you clarify the type you have been affected. If he's a mature and mushy guy he won't choose your father yet attempt to comprehend the ailment and assist you. My bf is conscious all approximately my dad. I even have panic assaults now as an grownup if i'm in a difficulty that for the period of contact binge grownup eating. We rigidity seperate from people who get out of control and he will go away each and each time i % if i've got faith traumatic. i think of he additionally watches his eating around me so as that i'm mushy. communicate on your HUSBAND! despite the fact that if he drinks nevertheless each and every weekend, he could decrease down and you're able to be able to experience extra powerful merely conversing approximately it, getting that monkey off your returned. solid success!

Answer 6

Has he tried to get help? Have you tried to get him any kind of intervention (help)?
If you can possibly move out, do it, if your Mother can come with you all the better. You have to concetrate on your education right now, that's your answer. I don't know how to say this, so I just will.
I am an alchoholic, my wife and children left me 16 years ago, I'm so lonely without them, but they're so much better off than to have gone through the last 16 years with me.
I'm so sorry for your situation, I wish you the best of luck!
And yes, there are tears in my eyes also.

Answer 7

you need to have intervention and get him in AA. maybe if the rest of you let him know if he gets busted your not bailing him out. he needs help like the rest of you but this takes tough love and a hard line. start tossing out all the booze in the house and let him know either the booze goes or he does.you need to have him know that the next time he lays a hand on either of you your calling the cops and having him arrested and locked out of the house. get counseling for the both of you as well. good luck and PEACE.

PS don't take the abuse, fight back! when he attacks a good ball kick takes down any man. use your belts. slam his feet and toes.you always have SOMETHING.

Answer 8

Yes - a lot of it in my family (mostly my mom's side) but there was no violence - mostly isolation -- some arguing BUT YOU HAVE TO THINK OF YOU. YOU can't fix it. YOU CAN STOP THE CYCLE WITH YOU though. If you let your life slip through the cracks because of what others are doing, you will be doing yourself, your future family (possible future children) a MAJOR DISSERVICE. You are now an adult. I know it's easier said than done - "don't worrry about them" because they are family. BUT YOU NEED TO FOCUS!!! Don't let your life be mapped by what OTHERS do -- no matter who they are. You sound like an intelligent and sweet/caring person. You CAN NOT MAKE SOMEONE STOP DRINKING. There's no use in bringing it up at all. Unless he decides to stop, he's not going to stop and you brining it up is only going to cause more issues. You may want to call Al-Anon -- they are good with dealing with the situation you are in. Don't let them control your future like this PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

Answer 9

AA is not just for the person with the addiction, it is for helping people cope with others around them having the problem. Seek out local AA chapters and go there to talk to other family members.

I have just recently gone through this with my brother and the things ive learned amazed me. One of them is do nothing to help them until they can prove they want to help themselves. Sounds cold, but its truth. You have to look at it from the perspective that by giving help to them, you are enabling them to keep on doing what they are doing.

He needs to hit rock bottom before he can come back to the top.

Answer 10

There is an organization calle "Al-Anon" which was founded to be of help to the families of alcoholics. May I suggest that you find a local meeting of one of the groups.

If you go, you will find people who've been through, or are going through what you're facing now, and they will be able to help find your way through it.

The important thing is to remember that you are not the cause of the problem, and also that you cannot fix it.

I wish you the best.