My new Boyfriend's baby is turning 1 in acouple of weeks. The mother of his child told him she is throwing the baby a party but he can not bring me. He got mad and now he wants to have a separate party for their baby. I have never been nothing but polite and respectful to her. My biggest problem is that her reason for why she doesn't want me at the party is that she still has feelings for my boyfriend and she doesn't want to have to see a girl that he is " messing around" with. ( those are his words). My question is Should I encourage him to just throw the baby another party like he wants to or should I encourage him to comply with his baby mama's wishes and just not go to the babies party? I just would hate to see her get her way at my exspense but his little girl is so cute, I want her to enjoy her 1st B-day and have both her parents there and in good spirits. I feel like if me and my BF give in to her it will ultimately ruin our relationship. Hmmm...Don't know what to do??
2007-10-04 08:38:05 · 24 answers · asked by HONEY 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
hhmmm....I'm the type of B that would show up just to spite her, IF my boyfriend was fine with it. Depending on how long you've been with him, its a tough decision. It would be nice if both of you can go since its an important birthday and she should have both of her parents there (the baby shouldn't suffer because her mom can't handle the fact that her ex has a new gf). Be the better person here and tell him he can go. If he wishes you to come, then go with him, but not to start drama. If he doesn't want to go without you, then another party is in order, if he goes without you, again, be the bigger person and wish him luck (send a gift as well).
I personally make it habit to not date men with kids because of the baby mama drama, but there's nothing wrong with it if you can deal, and not every dad has drama attached to him. She may just be getting over him since it seems as if they broke up recently.
2007-10-04 08:57:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think you should encourage your BF to go to his baby's party and you shouldn't go along. I know that by you doing this your BF's ex will get her way but since your with him you should be able to trust him and you should know that nothing will happen between the 2 of them if he is trustworthy(he will be able to stop her from making a move.) If you feel like you can't trust your BF then you should not be going out with him b/c you should always be able to trust your BF and not have any doubts. By making this decision and not throwing a separate party for the baby will most likely make her(the baby)think that her parents hate each other and even if that's true it's hard for a little kid to take in and then if this does happen(the baby starts to think her parents hate each other)then when she's growing up and thinks and/or talks about it she will be like"I've never seen both of my parents in the same room." So trust me just let your BF go to the party and see how it goes.
Good Luck!
2007-10-04 08:50:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bravo. You truly care for the child. You are thinking about all sides of the coin. But coming between them? I don't think so. He loves you and you love him. There relationship obviously made a turn for the worse and so he loves you now. This ex doesn't seem to understand how you feel.
Without seeing both stories i can only suggest that you go with what the father wants. Direct him softly but keep your nose out. At the end of the day, no matter how much love you give that child, your boyfriend will always be the father and you will never be THE mother.
You all must come to some arrangement. So you all must talk and be diplomatic. I am positive good will come out of this issue. Talk with your boyfriend, he will understand your worries. Then talk to this ex.
I wish you the best of luck and a happy birthday to that little girl! I assure you, it will be a happy one!
2007-10-04 08:54:09 · answer #3 · answered by Jennie R 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is for sure an awkward situation, because you dont want to come between them.
Chances are the x/mum does have issues, you have to accept that even though shes over him, she will never TRULY be over him, even if she doesnt love him anymore, he is her daughters father and that will never change..BUT that doesnt mean you should be prioritised any differently.
However, maybe your best not to get involved. The x will probably want/expect you to kick up a fuss giving her more reason to dislike and disclude you..so do this:
Tell your boyfriend that you want her daughter to enjoy her 1st bday party with her parents and that you think its best you dont go...that way your kept in the good books. Tell him that in time his ex will have to accept your relationship and include you in such occassions, but that rite now thats obviously not the time.
Youd think by not going shes winning...WRONG. You are because you look like the bigger, better more considerate person who is thinking about the babies feelings and trying to make ur boyfrieds life a bit easier.
The time will come for you to go to the kids bday parties...but just let the relationship take its course and stay out of this one...be the bigger person, your boyfriend will love and respect you more for it.
DONT tell him that its because his ex dissaproves of you going, just explain that now is not the time and that you want him to go hiself and enjoy his time with his daughter...youll score bonus points for def and will save you from arguments..
...plus do you really want to go to this party? all that'll happen is the mother will make you feel un-invited. Stay away and enjoy the fact that your being the more considerate and kind person...
remember, karma comes back around...if she is being unnecessarily bitchy it will come back and bite her in the *** one day.
hope you get it sorted lady ;)
2007-10-04 08:49:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
being a mother, that once still had feelings for my childs father, when they were not reciprocated. keep in mind that she is most likely wanting the same thing as you, a happy bday party for her child. and seeing you there would upset her.
i would respect her wishes in not attending. if your bf wants to go or not, thats up to him. the child will not remember or be greatly affected either way. but throwing the child an additional party at his place for his peers and family would be an excellent way to make sure everyones included, and it also gets the child 2 bdays instead of 1!
learning the best way to parent a child with a divided household takes time, effort, and a lot of work, so try to be as patient, compassionate and understanding as possible of not only your boyfriend, but his ex. and it will pay off, for everyone, including the child, in the end.
good luck.
2007-10-04 08:45:49 · answer #5 · answered by jes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ohhh poor baby think of her with only one parent. I guess you should move on without the guy because ultimately when the child grows up and if there occurs a situation where the girl comes to know that her parents had fights because of u that would be like a lottt of bad feeling for u.
so the choice is still urs but thik abt it again
2007-10-04 08:45:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I Say Just encourage your boyfriend to be at the party as you want the baby to see her parents in the party with good spirits, that would be a kind of you. and you just can throw another party another time, that would keep every one in a safe side.
You are a good girl. :)
2007-10-04 08:59:54 · answer #7 · answered by Aidin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a good hearth-ed person. And I believe that its important to have both parents present at important dates and times of our life. I would encourage him to go to his daughters b-day party. I don't think you have anything to worry about. If he was doing something he's not supposed to be doing he would be very busy doing it not telling you. You also have to take under consideration the fact that he's giving you you place in front of his ex. Let him know how much that means to you, encourage him, but give him space to make his decision on his own.
Good luck!
2007-10-04 08:49:29 · answer #8 · answered by Chulis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's his daughter's bday and if you end up with this guy, that little girl and the baby's mama are always going to be there. Never going away unless HE chooses to. I'd give in and be the more mature adult...but send a gift with a card that YOU signed. Let the little girl know that you were thinking about her...plus this will prob. tick that lady off even more...haha.
2007-10-04 08:41:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he sounds like he stood up for you by suggesting separate B-day parties that's a good sign and as the child goes older this will be great fun must people only have 1 party this child gets 2
don't go to the mothers party but come to his
2007-10-04 08:46:59 · answer #10 · answered by mmmkay_us 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋