my husbands X-wife showed up at this family gathering thing (she didnt belong there & I told her so) so my step-sons g/f got snippy w/ me (because she didnt like me telling the X -wife she didnt belong there-it was put on by another family member Not the g/f)...I apoligized to my husbands X-wife & my step-sons g/f....my step-son will be getting married soon....so what does that make me to her? We kinda got into it one other time...I know she HATES me....she never makes eye contact or talks to me when she is MY home & avoids me whenever possible! How do I handle this???????????? Ugh!
2007-10-04 08:01:36 · 14 answers · asked by east2west92 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
ps its not my husbands X-wife who comes to my home...its my step-son & his g/f that come over for dinner & stuff...
& my husband wants no part of this...He cant stand his X-wife & he thought it was great that I told her she didnt belong at the gathering...he told her she didnt belong also..
2007-10-04 08:11:53 · update #1
pss...my stepson & his g/f live about 45 mins from me...& the X-wife lives about the same distance...I hardley see the X-wife xcept at graduations & stuff but this time she showed (for the family gathering) & honestly did not belong..it was for immediate family only...besides in about 27 mos I will be 3,000 mile3s away from it all! so I guess I should just "fuhgedaboudit"
2007-10-04 08:40:36 · update #2
Your step son's girlfriend, has no business involving herself in issues which involve you and your husband's ex... and you probably need to make this clear.
when your step son gets married, your husband's ex will still be a pain in the a SS -- that is what she will be to you!! same as now.
she avoids you because she is probably jealous or feels tense. why does she come to your home?
i'd handle it by avoiding her. just gather your dignity, put your chin up and act like a lady... that's what i'd do... take care ok?
2007-10-04 08:06:16 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she's backing down from you and avoiding a fight. If she doesn't have contact with you and when she does she avoids contact and all that. Remember, your home is not JUST yours unless you live alone. As long as your husband and step son live there, you have to respect your their wishes to have her around. Like it or not....
Maybe it would be better to put the issues you have with her aside. I'm not saying make peace...I'm just saying leave the issue alone. Do not confront her even when she is clearly not supposed to be there, and try to keep an open mind. Maybe she wants to see her son before he gets married...is that so bad? As long as she is not picking a fight or making a scene, who cares if she is there?
Be the bigger woman and don't turn a simple family gathering into a pis*ing match or a cat fight. Remember, this is your step son & his g/f's big day, not yours. You have no right to say who is there and who is not. If your not careful, you will find you are the one being exiled....not the X that you so want to get rid of.
2007-10-04 15:15:17 · answer #2 · answered by Rayven Fairmoon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it seems you are right..... you do have a problem.
1. You cannot please everyone.
2. If you step son respects you, he will make sure you are treated with respect by those he respects or care for.
3. Have some security in the fact that you are "WIFE" not "X-Wife", the x is an x for a reason. But there are better ways to establish your domain than telling her she does not belong.
4. By the way, what does your Husband think about all this?
2007-10-04 15:08:20 · answer #3 · answered by sixcarry 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make someone like you or force yourself to like someone. What you can do is demand respect when the woman is in your home and the best way to get it is by being respectfull in return. She is going to be your step-daughter in law which really means nothing but she will be apart of your life. You may want to take her aside and put it bluntly that you realize you are not each others favorite people but for the sake of your families agree to be respectful and civil. Who knows maybe over time you may grow fonder of each other. Take the high road.
2007-10-04 15:07:34 · answer #4 · answered by buffybot67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is that your step sons real mom? If it is then i can see how they will sight with her. But your going to be moving and if it were me i would not cause waves that would leave you looking bad. So leave well enough alone and all will be taken care of all by it's self. You will still look like you handled everything well. You be the bigger one, besides he is your husband and there is nothing to prove to anyone.
2007-10-04 16:40:31 · answer #5 · answered by LittleDaisy. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see it as having two options:
1) allow it to continue and get worse gradually and suffer in the process
2) confront her directly, this will either fix things or make them worse all at once
I would go for option 2 and live with the consequences, but obviously I do not have all the details.
Good luck.
2007-10-04 15:08:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think it was your place to tell her since you werent the person throwing it. I would try not to make a big deal out of it she really isnt supposed to like you but i think you guys should respect each other for the sake of the family.
2007-10-04 15:05:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the typical in-law question... not getting along.
Its expected.
So how do you handle what? Your step-son getting married? Just like anyone else handles difficult inlaws. Be curteous, even if she isn't, be the best person you can be so that no one can blame you.
2007-10-04 15:12:25 · answer #8 · answered by HE'S NOT INTO ME 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you have any support from your husband? What does he think about this? He needs to give you the proper place in this marriage.
I think there are too many people in this relationship
2007-10-04 15:05:22 · answer #9 · answered by Myriam P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kill her with kindness, I know it is easier said than done, but it puts you in a better light and takes away her authority to be a twit.
2007-10-04 15:04:43 · answer #10 · answered by hellnocutco 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋