I work with a guy that has a tendency of greeting every female in the building by saying, "Hello beautiful, you look just lovely!" or "Good Morning. Don't you just look ravishing today?". He either says one or the other and the words beautiful, lovely and ravishing are always emphasized dramatically.
He says it every day, and we know it is coming when we see him. I can practically look at my watch and do a count down for the compliment.
Usually when he says that we thank him, but quite frankly after hearing it over and over it gets on our nerves. You can tell that he is not sincere in what he says, and it creeps some of us out. It's to a point where some of us just don't know what to say anymore and it has gotten really old.
I would feel better about telling him about it than hearing people talk or about how much it bothers them or how it creeps them out, and sometimes it even makes me uncomforatable. Any good suggestions?
BTW...All smart*ss answers will be ignored.
2007-10-04 07:35:12 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I think you hit the nail on the head when you stated that you would feel better telling him how it's making you feel then contributing to the gossip being said about him behind his back. There's been plenty of good advice posted ahead and i'm sure will be posted behind me, but the one thing you need to make sure you mention is how it's making YOU feel. You can't take responsibility over anyone eles feelings. True, to you they might say that it creeps them out or bothers them but you can only speak from your experience and not hear say. The next time it happens, just let him know how YOU AND YOU ALONE!! feel when he greets you in that manner. "It really makes me uncomfortable" "I start dreading seeing you in the mornings ... when I know that you don't mean me any harm or offense. I would really appreciate it if our hello's could stay on neutral ground vs. getting into personal appearances ..." Best of luck ...
2007-10-04 08:43:37 · answer #1 · answered by tiffany 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hasn't it come across you, his admiration might be because he's gay? From the way you tell the story, he sounds gay or just craves attention.
To avoid friction or hurting his feelings (after all this is the etiquette area of YA) when you feel the complement coming on, say it ahead of him politely like "Yeah, I know, I know Im ravishing" that will initially shut him up and surprise him as he will be aware that you see his greeting pattern. Eventually he will get tired of it too or just think of something else to do. You can smile and walk away so that you will not hear him finish his greeting.
Say "Yeah, you too" and walk away if he gives you another complement. There are easy ways to stop this without actual confrontation. If he is a really nice guy just give him a smile, he probably is an unloved person at home thats why he seeks attention at work.
I wouldn't feel bothered as he does it to everyone. It does seem insincere now that you mentioned that he does it all the time. Just ignore and be the better person.Avoid wasting your energy feeling bothered. Tell your officemates to get back to work and stop gossiping. He is harmless.
Besides, if you confront him and say something like "I am creeped out...blah blah blah...weird...weirdo...blah blah" He might just get freakier or he will start doing creepy things behind your backs like stalker like stuff. At least he expresses himself out in the open. No rights violated here. No need to worry about it.
2007-10-04 07:52:01 · answer #2 · answered by painintheneck 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
If you feel comfortable with it, you should pull him aside and thank him for the wonderful comments but explain that it is making some feel uncomfortable. Share with him that you wanted him to know since obviously it wasn't his intention.
If the behind-the-back conversations continue and you aren't comfortable talking to him, perhaps you could suggest to the other women that they bring it up directly to him instead of complaining behind closed doors.
Be direct and polite because as some have pointed out - Guys don't take hints.
2007-10-04 08:05:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 2⤋
just be direct, tell 'im that it was cute at first but after hearing it day after day is a little much and you would prefer it you he stopped. you may hurt his feelings a bit but at least there won't be any confusion in the issue
2007-10-04 09:02:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Guys usually do not understand a woman's hints, so any attempt at indirect communication, such as dropping a hint or an innuendo will simply confuse him.
Getting angry and yelling at him, or "telling him off" will simply make him stubborn and defensive.
Going over his head to his boss without telling him first will make him an enemy of yours for life.
Try telling him calmly, as good advice from a friend, that what he is doing is creeping everyone out, and he should stop. Be as clear and direct as you can without being rude. After all, he probably assumes that everyone likes it, and that he is doing you a favor. If he doesn't listen, then take it to his boss.
===edit===
BTW, if you do what "twoodshair" advised you to do (above), you will most likely anger and confuse him. Acting like an immature b*ch never works.
===edit2===
What "Katie G" (below) is advising you to do is to drop hints. GUYS DO NOT UNDERSTAND A WOMAN'S HINTS.
2007-10-04 07:44:32 · answer #5 · answered by Randy G 7 · 6⤊ 4⤋
Maybe just ask him: Really and what makes me look so ravishing or lovely this particular morning? . . . just to put him on the spot and see what he replies. He might just want people to compliment him as well.
2007-10-04 07:47:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 3⤋
Try making comments back at him. Start them out with a smile, as if you're almost joking. Say something like, "Oh I know, you tell me every day!" then if that doesn't work, say with less of a smile, "Yes, I know, you tell me that every single day!" make your comments more and more obvious until he gets the hint that you're irritated.
2007-10-04 07:46:58 · answer #7 · answered by Katie G 6 · 1⤊ 4⤋
Tell him he sounds creepy, in a joking way...Smack he on the back every time he does it to remind him, " STOP IT"!!Otherwise you`ll have to give the whole sexual harassment talk..LOL!!
2007-10-04 07:47:03 · answer #8 · answered by lost2day 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Do it back to him. Next time you see him say something (in the same exaggerated tone as he uses) like "Darling! You look fabulous today!" or "My, you look fit! Are you working out?". It might make him take notice of what he is saying to you. Make sure you use the sarchastic tone, though, or he might think you are hitting on him!!
2007-10-04 08:04:22 · answer #9 · answered by Shelley L 6 · 0⤊ 5⤋
beat him to it. walk in and say "i look incredibly ravishing today - i'm beautiful - i'm this and that - i am woman - i am IT, baby, and don't you forget it" as you walk by him tell him "i know, already. i don't need your input"
2007-10-04 07:43:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 7⤋