How to rectify this situation without hurting Anyone's feelings?

Question

Son and GF and new baby live with hub&me, the gf's family is driving my fam crazy with their constant visits, her mom comes early in the morn'g and stays for hours leaves around lunch time and comes back with her hub and another grandchild and stay for another couple hours. Even if gf takes the baby to there home for 4-5 hours they show up here in the eve'g. The grandchild they bring with them takes over our tv and because our L/room is small to begin with her family sits and we are forced to sit in another room. My hub & i both work and when we get home in the eve'g we'd like to sit back and relax,watch a little tv and even enjoy the grandbaby,.My son told gf that this is getting ridiculous and that they need to cut back on the visiting so far it hasn't stopped them.. ANY ADVICE, I don't want gf to be upset with us. They are looking for a place of their own but who knows how long that could take and we don't mind them being here, this is our first GC, but her fam is driving us nuts

Answer 1

This may be hard to accomplish with getting someone just a little bit PO'd. But you can suggest that they limit the visits to the weekends and just explain to them that you and your husband are tired and need some relaxing time after work. Hon, if they are so insensitive that they cant agree to this, then personally I wouldn't worry too much about thier feelings. Everyone has the right to some peace after a hard day of work.
Maybe the other grandparents want equal time with thier grandbaby, which is ok but they need to arrange to have thier own home available to the baby and it's parents for this. Anything else is a horrendous imposition.

Answer 2

Instead of visiting there during the day, the mother should time her visits to her parents for just around the time you come home from work -- at least a few nights a week.

You don't say how long this has been happening. If it's been, like, 2 weeks, that's understandable. If it's been 2 months, that IS too much.

The son saying it's ridiculous isn't wise. For one thing, it's too vague.

The key point are that when you come home from work, you need your living room and some quiet. Pose that to the mother and ask for her help.

Work with her to figure out some limits as to how often and for how long her family comes over.

Finally, one evening you could ask to speak to the most reasonable member of her family.

Go out of the living room away from the others, and say that, although you understand their wanting to see the baby, that you feel that you need some time with her, too.

Also, that when you come home from work, it would be nice to sometimes have your home to yourself.

That you would appreciate it is the family could limit their visiting to when you're at work some days, so you can have some quiet evenings with your grandchild.

Or perhaps the young family could stay for a few days at a time at her family's place?

Sorry, but yours is a toughie. That's the best I could come up with.

Answer 3

I suppose you need to set limits on visitors... yourself.

I see what you mean about working and wanting to relax in your own home without a bunch of people invading your space. and what on earth is wrong with the girlfriend's family? i guess they must have been raised in a barn in isolation somewhere and never learned any manners.

You could probably let these people know they need to limit their visits to daytime hours when you are at work? Let them know that while you understand they are excited about the new baby, you would appreciate quite time in your evenings. If their feelings are hurt, too bad... they will get over it...

OR your son and daughter in law could go visit them.

I think that you opened a can of worms by letting the girlfriend live with your son in your home. I suppose that if either of my sons had a pregnant girlfriend, they'd not be allowed to live in my house.. just because of things like this..... of course, if they did have their own place and there was an emergency, or they lost their place i'd (begrudgingly) let them stay with me for a short time until they got another place.

I relish my privacy and home life. And i don't really enjoy company at all! I'm tired too, and i just want solitude!

take care !!

Answer 4

just tell them that you have a full house as it is, and you don't mind them visiting but that the visiting needs to be less frequent as you need your time. Ask if maybe they could visit on certain days or maybe take the GC to their house for some visits. Tell them that your house is so chaotic that there has to be some kind of schedule, so that other people that actually live there can enjoy some home alone time.
Just let them know that you are not trying to be rude just trying to maintain your sanity as your home life is becoming so hectic. Good luck

Answer 5

Oh no, this is not happening. Your house, yeah they live with "YOU", if your son's baby momma wants to spend time with her family, let her go visit them and take the baby. If putting it to the other Mom in a nice way "that your family needs its time and its space and they should spend more time at their home", then dish it out nastily - You ain't got to go home, but you are getting out of here". Don't let those people take over your home, despite what your son, your husband or anyone else in the house thinks, your are number one "B" and you can take the "B" anyway you want it, it can also mean "boss" and then there are other meanings, pick which one you want to be other than "bothered". God Bless.

Answer 6

I think since it is your home that it is perfectly acceptable to set visitation times and limitations. Since your son has tried and it has not worked, you may have to do it yourself.
I would suggest just bringing up with them that you are tired in the evenings and you would like then to visit earlier in the day before you get home.
As for the child, it is your home. Let the child know it is "grown up," TV time and change it to what you like. If the child has a fit, take it to the Grandparents to deal with.
On your days off, set visiting times as well. If they show up when it isn't visiting time just reinforce it with them by nicely saying, "I thought we discussed that you were going to start visiting before we got off work," etc.., or something like, "I assume you're picking up (the GF and babies name) since we already agreed you wouldn't be visiting in the evening.
They may get mad but you have to have boundaries and rules. It is your home and if they don't like it, then they don't have to come. If your son's GF doesn't like it the she can move back in with them.

Answer 7

You are going to have to say something and if it hurts their feelings, you'll just have to deal with that. Talk to your sons girlfriend and if that doesn't work you're going to have to request that they not visit every night. Speak up and take your home back . . .

Answer 8

talk to her parents & tell them to visit once a week
& talk to your son & his gf about this

Answer 9

Set a boundary. It's YOUR house not anyone else's. Why not think about seeing a counselor who can help you learn about boundary setting. Might help your whole life. Good luck.