Family/life problem please help?

Question

My dad's always had a drinking problem and thats realy unusal since we're an indian family his drinking has really affected our familily bonding and due to his drinking he can never keep a job becuase he's always getting fired.. so there's alot of pressure on my mother.. but she's now getting really sick ( phtsically) and can't work as hard.. i'm getting sick of living with them and have to worry about him and my family.. my mom won't get a divorce becuase of the culture but it's traumatizing me and i have a younger bother who i dont have a heart to leave- what should i do.. should i move to another state away from all this and abandon my family.. or should i stay for the stake of my brother and mother. please help

Answer 1

Well, your parents are adults. They really can take care of themselves. Maybe your dad needs to hit rock bottom to make a change in his life. Since, other people supporting him has not worked. I think you should live where you'd like and keep in touch with your mom. She'll also have to take care of things herself. If she's away from your dad. It may actually go better for her.

Answer 2

Well, if you have a lot of family members in your area, you might try to do an intervention. That is where everyone meets with your dad at your home and tells him exactly what you don't like, what he is doing, and how it affects everyone around him. Plus you come armed with some suggestions, counseling (with name), or AA information, etc. However, the person has to want to quit. I none of that works, your mom has to make a decision. You didn't say how old you are, but if you are 18 or over, find a way to move out. You might try finding someone (adult) or counselor who can talk to your mom and explain the affects on your younger brother. I don't believe your culture would stand by and agree with what your dad is doing to his family. If there is any violence with the drinking, you need to contact authorities or child welfare groups to intervene. When there is violence, NOT DOING ANYTHING is the same as condoning the behavior and opens the door for serious consequences. Moving to another state is not the answer. But if you are old enough to move, and your mom won't leave, try talking to her about letting your brother come live with you. Maybe your mom can help out monetarily. Unfortunately, most alcoholics deny, deny, deny. Also, you may not know this, but Alcoholics Anonymous also has group sessions for people who have loved ones who are alcoholics and help the one's being affected cope better. Just try something! Sometimes TOUGH LOVE is the only way to get an alcoholic to become aware. The last thing you want is for your younger brother to get the idea that it is ok to drink like that. Look up support groups in your area, talk to school counselors, pastors, etc. They can all help you find ways to deal. Good luck with this situation. But, please, please, please - don't just do nothing. Let me know how you are doing ([e-mail]). You said "Indian" culture, but you did not specify what type of Indian - American Indian? or "from India"? American Indians unfortunately have alot of alcoholism in their culture. If that is your culture, you can contact your local indian reservation for assistance. If from India - then try some of the above suggestions.

Answer 3

Family will be there for you, be there for them. I grew up in a similar situation. My dad was and still is an alcoholic and my mother isn't very educated, therefore, she couldn't get a well paying job. My father owned his own business, but it didn't pay for the bills and the addiction. My father was abusive to my mother. I have a brother who is 13 months younger than I am and he always looked to me for support. I left my home at 15 years old, but worst of all, I left my mom and my brother. My leaving took a huge toll on both of them. I guess my point is that your dad is the one with the problem not your mom or your brother. Dont leave them, confide in them. Tell them how you feel. You will be surprised to hear that they are feeling exactly what you are feeling. Support each other, be there for each other; the three of you combined will be stronger than you on your own still worrying about that situation and your mom and brother at home dealing with you father and worrying about you out on your own.

Answer 4

I have been in the same position for 24 years, my dad has always had a drinking problem. I understand how you feel my mum is the same she wont get a divorce either when she got married it was for life. I have a younger sister who i worry about too. i still live with my parents and started to help my mum alot more by doing house work, shopping and being more of a friend. My dad has no intension of going to get help and my mum doesnt really like to talk about it. Do you have any older brothers and sister cause you could speak to them or a really good friend cause that is what helps me alot of the time. Being able to express yourself openly is another, even though my mum doesn't like to talk about i still have to get my point across. Even my dad gets it but i dont think he pays any attention. If you are really worried and dont know what to do you can always speak to your doctor who can refer you to councilling where you can lift a little of your chest and share your problems with lots of other people in the same position.

Answer 5

I am so sorry that you have to deal with something this difficult. And unfortunately there is no easy answer here. I can give you one piece of advice though, for what it is worth.

My dad was verbally and sometimes physically abusive to my sister, brother and myself (I am oldest). When I was kicked out of the house for standing up for myself I had to leave my sister and brother there and I still feel guilty for that now five years later. The fact that you are worried about your brother makes me think that you will feel guilty if you leave your brother and maybe even guilty for leaving your mother too. Just try to do what you know won't leave you feeling guilty because that is a rough thing to live with the rest of your life. My prayers are with you and your family.

Answer 6

Hi....

Hon, i'm sorry you are struggling.

Your father's issue is that alcohol has affect his life, and until he makes the choice to stop drinking, alcohol will continue to affect his life... hence, he can't keep a job. and i'm sure there are other problems...

I have listed www.al-anon below for your information. alanon is a support group for those of us who are affected by an alcoholic.. you might find good advice and support by going to meetings. i think there is also ALANON CHAT (do a yahoo search). You will see in Alanon that you are not alone... and perhaps you will learn how others helped themselves, and what they did in order to cope.

I have also listed a source on codependency -- codependent people feel "responsible" for others, and try to take care of those around them.

Doing things for other adults which they can do themselves is codependent behavior... taking care of YOU is healthier. While it's nice to help once in a while, you can't be responsible to fix the problems and issues of other adults -- like your mother -- she chose to marry this man and has also chose to stay married. Not your problem, but hers. Culture or not, sometimes marriage fails.

I hope you will look into the websites i've listed for sound advice and support. You deserve good support, hon... and perhaps these websites will be a beginning to help with your current issues.

take care.

Answer 7

you're a great sister for worrying plenty. you may definately circulate to however college you prefer to and not sense undesirable. Your mothers and dads are arising a house existence that's not healthful and that desires to be addressed. they'd unlike listening to it from you nevertheless. some thing which you're able to do is assure your brother that even nevertheless you're away you would be accessable and there for him. he will prefer you and your help and it already sounds like he has it. attempt to make this final 365 days there easier for him via strengthening your bond with him and exhibiting him he can anticipate you. additionally help him with coping. he would be coping with extra with you long gone. kinfolk counseling may well be ideal if your mothers and dads will circulate. perchance talk consisting of your college counselor approximately your fears. They may additionally show you how to and your brother. good success!

Answer 8

talk to your mom and tell her what you are thinking
your dad is going to end up hurting your family more and more
and the bad part is he don't care
look up some help on the Internet
as far as how to deal with alcoholics
good luck sweetie
what ever you do
try not to leave your brother he might be feeling the same way
and if you leave him alone with all this think of what that would do to him
my prayers are with you and your family

Answer 9

First go to your phone book and find a Alcoholics Anon. number. They will direct you to where you should go. You really need to talk to someone that really can help you on your decision. You don't have to give your name, just talk to them.
This is to big of a decision to be asking on here.
Hun I know you want a easy answer to this one, but it's not.
Once you talk to someone on this (doctor, nurse, school counselor etc) you can bring this information to your mom.
I grew up in the same kind of a family. Your not alone!!!
Get help for yourself right now!!!
Prayers are with you!!!

Answer 10

You should stay with your family for the sake of your brother & mother. Get a job & help your mother. Family have to stick together no matter what. God Bless you, hope things get better for all of you.