my mother in law just came a week ago from Romania and is gonna stay until dec. last time she was here, she was okay and my 1 yr old Melody was only three months old. i was really excited about her coming. now she's here and she's driving me CRAZY! we're in the car and we pull up to wherever we were going. she tries to beat, yes, to BEAT me to get the baby out of the car. last night melody was drinking her milk before going to bed and the woman was putting towels away. i heard the baby, so i was going to her but no, this woman pushes the door in my way so she can get there first. what kind of a person does that?! she's my friggin kid!! now, i'm not done. we went to kohl's for a lil shopping today. i just finished trying on all my clothes and melody was with me walking around the fitting room. i picked her up and put her in the stroller and she threw one of those mondo fits you see on condom commercials. now, i am the kind of person who will get down to eye level and discipline...
2007-10-04 06:19:02 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
the child quietly when i'm in public. but she but the very last thing i will do is give her what she wants.(if i do that, she'll never learn that throwing fits are UNacceptable.) but NOOOOOOOO. grandma runs in and swings the door of my fitting room right open(what if i wasn't presentable? it IS a fitting room!) and she runs right to her and starts to unbuckle the stroller. I say very clearly(and even in romanian so she understands) "Don't take her out! let her cry it out or she'll always do this." grandma: no! you can't just let her sit there and cry. look at her." me: "i don't friggin care! i was sitting here trying to discipline MY daughter and you're running to her rescue!" of course, the woman doesn't listen and takes her and cuddles her and "oh, don't cry sweetie. it's okay, i'm here." me? red in the face. my blood is boiling and at this point, i am more pissed at the in law. Melody's fit was no longer on my mind. HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH A WOMAN WHO TRIES TO RUN YOUR KID?!
2007-10-04 06:20:44 · update #1
then, when we were on our way home, grandma: "see, sweetie. you made your mom sad." i'm thinking, no woman, YOU made me pissed to the point that i'm shaking and UNSTABLE! then when we got home, she throws all of her crap like her wallet and glasses and all in my purse and makes me carry the 50 lbs of crap that we bought so she can take the baby and cuddle her some more. do i not have the right to be PISSED?! what can i say to the lady that will make her listen???
2007-10-04 06:21:19 · update #2
hubby is at work. he rarely gets to see her because she lives in romania. i don't want him to think i'm having a hard time with her. i don't like to be the ruiner of things but if i have to, i will.
2007-10-04 06:26:52 · update #3
by the way, i'm 2 months pregnant with #2 (yay! ^_^) and the stress is not helping.
2007-10-04 06:29:35 · update #4
she's with her all day. fedding, changing everything. i have no problem with that. but when it comes to disciplining, i say let me do it. she's already taking after her friend who's going through her terrible twos so i am not going to let someone ruin what i'm trying to teach. i don't keep her from the baby. it's just that she's too aggressive toward not letting me get close.
2007-10-04 06:31:32 · update #5
now i am very aware of the fact that she only wants to be with her grandbaby but it's the disciplining part that she needs to lay off. let me discipline my daughter the way i see fit, you know? i let her do what else she wants with her but it's almost as if she's trying to annoy me when she's pushing doors or toys in my way so she gets to the baby first. i let her go, no problem. just don't make it seem like a contest.
2007-10-04 08:14:22 · update #6
Where's your hubby at in all of this?? I would try two things.
#1 - Make him talk to her
or
#2 - Next time she tries to interfere, either take your kid and walk away or get up in her face and calmly tell her that you are the mom not her and that you can handle this.
If she still insists on interferring, reverse what she does. If she picks the kid up, take her from her arms and put her back. Things like that. Do try to be nice as she is your MIL.
Good luck!
2007-10-04 06:25:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing you say will change the way she acts.
She just misses her grand-daughter since she RARELY gets to see her. Grandmothers are known for spoiling their grandkids no matter what the parents say.
YES, you do have the right to be pissed. There's not a lot you can do about it though. Try to let her spend as much time with your daughter as possible since she only gets to see her once a year or so. I understand (trust me) how you feel, but try to get in the mind-set of this being a little bit of a break. Let her change all the dirty stinky diapers and insist that she watch your daughter while you take a nap or something. Try to find the silver lining in this situation.
When the silver lining just isn't attainable. Have your husband spend some time with his mother while you get out of the house for awhile! Good luck!
**I just read some more of your updates. You AND your husband need to sit down with your MIL and let her know that when it comes to discipline, she needs to back off a bit. Also remember that when you're pregnant, you're hormones go crazy and make you see/feel things that aren't really there. When I get pregnant, people that were my best friends suddenly annoy the hell outta me. Its not that they've changed or are doing anything different, its just that all MY perceptions of things are outta whack.
2007-10-04 13:28:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your right however, there is nothing your going to say to make her cooperate. You need an alliance here. Your husband is going to have to say something to his mother. It needs to be made clear your not trying to keep the baby from her however, she is not to undermine you when you are discipline your child. No one has the right to do that, not even your husband. If I was you I would take her visit as an opportunity to get some things done around the house or just for yourself since she can watch the baby. Have a little free time. Maybe a night out with hubby.
Her visit doesn't have to be a bad thing. Have your husband explain that she needs to respect your ways of discipline your daughter and move on.
2007-10-04 15:46:17 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As an outsider, this question is easy to answer. But if I were in your shoes, I'd feel the same way you do.
So here's my outsider answer:
She's just excited to be with her grandbaby. You've got to let it go. Let her bond with your daughter as much as she can. If she wants to get her out of the carseat, let her. I'm sure your arms could use the break (I also have a 1-yr old)
As for the tantrum thing, you'll have to sit down and talk to your MIL about this one. Try not to sound defensive, just talk calmly.
Maybe it would help to give her specific "jobs" with the baby. Like everyday they can have afternoon snack together while you get things done around the house (or even just lay down). (just make sure you set the snack out first)
Try to embrace her "help" with the baby. The more you fight it the worse it will get.
I know all of this is easier said than done, I don't envy your situation. Try to make the best of it.
2007-10-04 14:22:12 · answer #4 · answered by berrel 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW.... You have definetly got your hands full!!! I dont mean with the baby either..lol. Well first off I would definetly enlist the help of your hubby on this one, because sometimes they take it better coming from them. But something def needs to be done asap or december is going to feel like an eternity away. I wish I could help you more, but remember stand firm in what you believe in when it comes to your daughter.
Good Luck!!
2007-10-04 13:29:47 · answer #5 · answered by <3<3<3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is really trying to help. In her own way or the way she know how. Remeber she will not be there for ever so she is trying to soak up as much of those kids as she can. Thats a good thing. I'd say put up with it and not let it bother you so much. It won't be to much longer. Be happy for the help.
2007-10-04 13:30:31 · answer #6 · answered by Tino 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd like to say my father in law (and mother in law who has passed away) would always run to my son and father in law still does because he does not get to see the baby very often. However when my son throws his "mondo" fits I tell my father in law "let him have his fit we'll wait". They did not do this with my SD and they still run to her and give in to her fits and I can not stand it Im the only one that allows her to have her fits and can not stand how she acts at times and as a result I will not allow them to run to my son and give him what he wants all the time as I do not want him to be like his sister in regards to fits and being a brat (my son is 16 months my SD is 7) But then again my inlaws saw my SD every weekend see my son 1-3 times a yr
. However remember where your mother in law comes from in her culture it might not be "acceptable" to allow children to cry. My grandparents are from Russia, Poland and Germany (they all immigrated to the US) and it was their customes not to allow "public fits" or a child to cry. As for trying to BEAT you to the child, hon let it go I know this isnt what you want to hear but she doesnt get to see your daughter very often as my aunt said to my husband when my son was only a month old and we were eating my aunt was done before us the baby cried she went to get him she was holding him my husband finished and said "I'll take him" my aunt quietly said "You'll have him forever, I only get to see him once a yr please allow me to hold him" Dawned on me ITS TRUE.
If this really bothers you have your husband speak with your mother in law she's not doing it to spite you maybe like I said she thinks she's being helpful and where she's from how she is acting is "acceptable"
2007-10-04 13:45:50 · answer #7 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
GET OVER IT!!!!! She sees the baby what, once a year!! She's not gonna spoil her or ruin your realtionship. She deserves time to bond with her. What it sounds like to me is that you have some serious control issues. SHE got MY baby out of the car, SHE got MY baby from the crib. Does she need a permission slip to hold her grandbaby?
2007-10-04 13:28:28 · answer #8 · answered by parental unit 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Give her some nice American choclate AKA Exlax....Will keep her busy for a while....
2007-10-04 13:28:00 · answer #9 · answered by g_for_G 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
tell your husand to talk to her or you need to stand your ground and tell her to stop!
or she just needs to leave your home!
2007-10-04 13:28:37 · answer #10 · answered by Awesome Rockin Mom 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋