5 year old daughter's bad behavior...?

Question

i have a 5 year old daughter, and her behavior is awful. sometimes i think she's bad just because she knows she can get away with it, but im also wondering if she has ADHD. she breaks and rips things, she is very disrespectful to both me and my mother (im a single mom, no dad in the picture) she has hit me, swears at me, kicked at me, does not listen to me, she does not pay attention sometimes and i am wondering if it is because she can't. i love her and would do anything for her but i dont know what to do anymore. *nothing* works. im dreading parent-teacher conference day- she's in kindergarten- because im afraid the teacher will think i'm a lousy mom, but there is only so much i can do. she never listens to me. please help!!

Answer 1

My personal opinion is that ADHD is not a real condition, it is an excuse for using medication to teach children how to fit into society when a family structure has failed to do so.

I know from personal experience that the medications that are prescribed to children who are diagnosed with ADHD can cause more severe side effects than the problem the medication is attempting to fix, including murder, suicide, problems later in life like drug addiction, poor health, problems with physical, mental, emotional, and social development. Giving your child chemicals that have not been tested and can produce unknown side effects is very dangerous, and I would strongly reccomend you not do that to your child.

Get some counseling, talk to some experts, there is always a better way than using medications to control people. This is a tactic used in the military and in prisons, not in famalies.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

If you think she has ADHD then take her to the doctor for an evaluation. Other than that, just be consistent with your discipline and try a rewards program. Anytime she hits, swears, kicks, etc. make her sit down for 5 minutes. Tell her she cannot do that and sit her down. Judging from what you have said she will get up. Take her back to the same spot and sit her down again. Do not say anything to her, just sit her down. Keep doing this until she has stayed in that spot for 5 minutes. The first few times it might take 2 hours to get her to sit for 5 minutes. That's where the consistency comes in. When you get tired of sitting her down, remind yourself that you don't want her to keep acting like she is and it will be worth it. After she has sat for 5 minutes, go to her and have her look you in the eye and apologize for what she did. Do this every time she acts up and it should help. She knows she can walk all over you so she does. She's the one holding the control in your family and you need to change that. If she is having trouble in school, offer her a reward for each day she comes home and hasn't gotten in trouble at school. It can be something as simple as a sticker or a piece of candy. You can do the reward program with other things too. Do you have trouble with her when you go shopping? Tell her she'll get a reward and tell her what it is, if she's good the whole time you are shopping. Good luck and stay firm. It will be a long road but you can make it better.

Answer 3

She may have ADHD but that is still no excuse for her behavior. She is five years old and that is old enough to know the difference between right and wrong, provided she has been taught. Kids only do what you allow them to do. If you allow her to disrespect you and other adults, then that is what she will do. I am not an expert and I don't think anybody has a right to call you a lousy mother, but if you allow this kind of behavior then you can't complain. You are the adult, she is the child ... period. If she doesn't listen then you give her a time-out or you spank her butt. You don't have to abuse her but you need to discipline her. If she swears at you then you spank her butt and let her know that is not tolerated. When kids act like this I don't like to be around them and that's the truth. If you don't teach her then she will never learn. You are the role model in this child's life (sounds like it if there is no dad in the picture). Set an example for her. Don't try to be her friend, be her parent.

Also, people need to stop blaming everything on ADHD. A lot of times it's that the child has gotten out of control and the parent doesn't want to face the reality that their child needs to be disciplined.

Answer 4

Wow, big problems! Find a counselor, a therapist. Don't settle for a medication only cure for the problem and don't blame it all on ADHD. TIME IS SHORT! If you don't get a grip on the situation very soon, it may become impossible to fix! Get her help right away. Make sure you, and if possible, your mother are all involved in the counseling. This will have to be a group effort. Change your daughter's life before it is too late. You have a lot of hard work ahead of you, but better some hard work than a lifetime of heartache.

Answer 5

kim, I would not be surprised if your child gets a stellar report from her teacher. I suspect she behaves this way because it gets "your" attention, negative though it may be, she's smart enough to see that acting out gets Mom's attention.

I truly feel that ADHD is a catch phrase that is being thrown around way too loosely. Any child that shows the least bit of defiance is automatically labeled this way, and it is the school system that keeps pushing it on us.

Try using consequences with your daughter. If she behaves in a disagreeable way, she loses a privilege, like if she uses bad language, she loses an hour of TV time, or play time. Be consistant, most of all. She'll of course try to give you a run for your money, but be strong and stick to your guns.

Answer 6

My son was doing the same thing. Bad behavior gets attention. At 5 they dont fully understand that they will get just as much attention for good behavior. We as adults know that good behavior reeps good benefits , children dotn fully understand that. My son is now 7 and that behavior has changed. Instead of time out I started doing 10 minutes earlier in bedtime. everytime he acted out or was disrespectful , I marked down on the chart . After the first time he went to bed at 6pm when his normal bedtime is 8-9 the behavior issues started to stop. I still keep this into effect, I still use time outs on occasion where they are needed, when bad behvior needs to be stopped right that second. Taking everything away from him , didnt work with my son it just pushed more bad behavior. I also found that taking my son to the YMCA to get his wiggles out helped curb bad bevahior. Boredom also leads to mischevious behavior. Know that your child isnt a bad child , your isnt the only one who does this..good luck and dont listen to those who say your child has mental issues or a demon , obviously they do not have children and dont fully understand the trouble and issues children can have.

Answer 7

If you haven't tried 1,2,3 Magic - it's absolutely amazing what it can do. It's not your basic time out deal - but discipline is necessary and needed. You may think she's had a rough life but there's no reason why you can't give 1,2,3 Magic a try. Dr. Phelan is amazing. He really is - I don't understand why schools don't give seminars on this more often - you're not the only parent who has to deal with these kinds of issues. My daughter has mom and dad, she's four and does alot of this kind of thing. 1,2,3 Magic is great when used consistently. It has helped us a ton since she was 3. You're not a bad parent but if you haven't do give this program a try. It even helps ADHD kids.

Answer 8

I guess it depends on how you disciplin her... and when she is disciplined, do you follow through? Even at 5 it sounds like she has learned to manipulate you. I am a single mom also, it's hard to be the only one... it's even harder when I've been working all day, come home and try to multi task.. my kids try to get my attention... sometimes by lashing out.. so when i send them to their rooms for time out, it is the last thing i want to do... but it has to be done. They have to know your serious, you will not stand for the behavior. You have to be firm and put your foot down to her actions. The way she is treating you is not acceptable. You change her thought process, make what is desirable for her less desirable...

Answer 9

I have the same lovely child at my house except he is a boy and 6.......! He has ALWAYS been that way. I also have a parent teacher conference today. Although when he had his open house he was jumping around like a nut head and his teacher said "I have never seen him act like that before" Uh what? So I guess he does not have A.D.D. /A.D.H.D.except for when he is with me! He is the 4th child and the only boy, so everyone says that we baby him.......not true! He is just a high maintenance kid, and will probably always be. Hold in their :)

Answer 10

You just said you think she's bad because she knows she can get a way with it. There is your problem. You are letting her get away with it. Kids need rules and discipline from the start. I doubt it's ADHD. She has behavior problems brought on from lack of discipline. Too many people want to label their kids for their bad behavior instead of doing the parenting thing and teaching them proper behavior.

Answer 11

You need to set up a time out area in your home. Do not use a child's bed room for this. It can be a chair or blanket to sit on. It should be in full view at all times. You need a timer that you can set for the time out. You place your daughter in time out and set the timer as to her age ( 5 minutes ) If she gets up off the chair you place her right back on it and re set the timer to 5 minutes. You do this each time she gets off the chair. If she gets off more than 3 times, you give the skin of her bottom 5 reasonable spanks with your open hand and return her to time out. You may have to repeat this more than once till she gets the right idea about time out. After time out is over you ask for a apology and give her a hug.
( Connie Mom of 4 )