Should I have said something?

Question

I was at my daughter's grade school this morning volunteering. I saw a student who's mother suddenly passed away this weekend. This woman was my childcare provider about 6 years ago, although I do not think the child would remember me from that. At first I was taken aback that the student was at school, the funeral was 2 days ago, then I felt I should say something. When I saw the child was coping well, I changed my mind in fear of sending her into a meltdown. Do you think I did the right thing?

Answer 1

You definetly made the right choice, just think of all the other people who have come up to her giving their sympathy and from what you said she is a young child and it's hard enough to handle her losing her mother then to have someone that she may or may not remember come up to her at school and remind her of what she's going through would not have been good.

Answer 2

I think maybe you should talk to her on her way out of school one day. My mom died when my sister was 11 (I was 24) and I know at school she did not want to hear about it, it was her escape from the reality of our mothers death. So I think you did the right thing but also think you should send her a little card or approach her at the end of the day so if it does upset her some it will not cause an emotional day for her. My mother was also a day care provider for years.

Answer 3

I think you did the right thing. Send condolences to the family and if you are at school and specifically talking to the child already you could say how the child's mother had watched your children for several years and how much you liked the child's mother. I don't think I would have approached the child and brought up the subject.

Answer 4

It may not be that the child is coping well, it may be that school is helping the child cope and s/he may be doing what their mother would want them to do-goto school. I would wait a little bit and then offer condolensces and then make it brief. Losing a loved one, especially a mother, is something that will take a lifetime to get over so I think that the student needs reminders of happy thoughts of their mother and support.

Hope this helps!

Answer 5

I think either way would have been ok. I don't think that it would have hurt if you had told her you were sorry for her loss, but if the child doesn't know you then I think it was fine that you didn't say anything. It is always hard to know what to do in that kind of situation and either way that first day back to school is probably going to be awkward for the child. I think I would have done the same thing you did.

Answer 6

Yes, I think you did. After an awful tragedy like that its good for the child to get back into a normal routine, it helps them cope.... and I think if you brought it up, especially where the child doesn't know you well, could've made her get really upset at school. I think you did the right thing!

Answer 7

Yes. If you want to send your regrets and wishes, send a card. The child may be too young to walk up to. I think you did the right thing.

Answer 8

I think ignoring it could cause more trouble for the child - but that's the new caregiver's job to deal with things. Maybe she just wanted to come to school to forget about it ....

I think you did the right thing but she needs to know that if she WANTS to talk about it she can..

Answer 9

I think it was okay for the moment. You should still send a card and flowers to the house and see if your kid can talk to her. I would also see if the school is doing anything to help counsel the kid.

Answer 10

i think you did the right thing...kids tend to cope with things their one way and when another person tells you or asks you about your loved one dieing...it somehow makes it more "real". I would just reccommend that you treat her the same as you normally would if this didn't happen...she will come to you if she needs to talk.