He only wants to see me with the other woman, he doesn't want to do anything to the other woman. He said that he realizes that if I were to see him with another woman, he could lose me and he doesn't want to do that.
2007-10-04 05:13:48 · 34 answers · asked by escapee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am not interested in another woman. I have told my husband after he asked me that I do like to look at female breasts to a certain degree but I don't lust for them. When I see a very shapely female body, I like to look but not lingeringly or longingly. I look out of curiosity more than anything. It has stirred up a bit of lust in me ONLY b/c I can tell that it excites my husband to speak this way. To be honest, I don't know if he truly wants me to be with another woman or if he just likes to fantasize about it more than actually doing it. He told me long ago that he wouldn't expect me to do anything that I didn't really want to do.
2007-10-04 05:39:58 · update #1
Thank God, it seems to be in his head more than anything. He only suggests having a lesbian in the mix. He uses bdsm, in which he is very safe and adept. He mentions this to me as a form of punishment. We both have been sexually abused and he said that he has found that it takes more to stimulate a woman that has been abused. I do like the light spankings, and other so called "punishments". He does turn me on more than I have ever been turned on. But I was attracted to him more than anyone I have ever been attracted to, therefore just about anything he suggests makes it much easier for me to submit to him. He treats me like a queen in every way. He has already told me that he wouldn't make me do anything that I didn't want to do so I will have to trust that all will be well. I know that God most likely would not approve so that should be the bottom line. Thank you everyone for all of your sincere efforts to help me reach a conclusion!
2007-10-05 02:58:37 · update #2
If you are not interested in being with another woman...Don't do it just to make him happy. It is not fair to you...it is really not fair to the other woman...and will just make you feel miserable. Do not share your body with another human being just for your husband's amusement.
However, if you ARE interested in being with another woman, talk it over with your husband. Think seriously before making this choice. Set some solid ground rules....and when you find a woman who is interested in joining you, make sure the three of you have talked about the "rules" first. Communication and honesty is key.
All three people need to be equally interested in having this happen, in order for it to work without major upset. If everyone is on the same page, you could end up having a fantastic time! Just be open, honest and communicate any uncomfortable feelings right away. Number 1 rule is "No means No". Even if you are already getting started, if one person says "Stop", everyone stops. That is how it must be.
Good luck dear,
~Kat
Edit:
Ok, so you are not bi or bi curious....then, the answer is No. You should not do it. If you don't have the desire to experience being with another woman, doing it just because it turns him on is not fair to you, or to the other woman.
It may be a fun bedtime conversation...a fantasy you and your husband can talk about during intimate times, because it excites him...discuss the scenario, and describe what it would be like. But, taking it past "fantasy" and making it a reality would be a mistake in your case, in my opinion.
2007-10-04 05:20:13 · answer #1 · answered by Kat 5 · 3⤊ 2⤋
The BDSM lifestyle (which you are not "heavily" into), is a completely different relationship than what most people are into. Since you are in this lifestyle, your "turn ons" may be more seeing your husband pleased, and, being submissive. IF this is so, it ISN'T about you being "turned on" by her, it is about seeing your husband happy. If you have a good dom, he will take care of you. He won't let you get scared or hurt. If he is as gentle and loving as you explain, I would think that would carry through into the bedroom. If you decide to do it, you get to choose the woman- not him. She has to know all of the "rules" you and your husband have set up. She has to be respectful and understand the dynamics of the bdsm relationship. If there is enough trust and love and good rules, it can be a good thing. If he is using it as an excuse to cheat, you would know. Good ground rules are key. Good luck!
2007-10-05 15:28:48 · answer #2 · answered by Amanda h 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you want to see him with another man and see what he thinks about that. Don't do it if you're not comfortable with it. Personally, I think it's strange that your husband wants to see you with somebody else, whether it's a man or a woman. And if the threesome did happen, what are the chances that he is just going to sit there watching you and the other woman and not become involved in whatever you're doing? It's unlikely your husband won't end up actively participating and therefore will be doing stuff with the other woman.
2007-10-04 05:43:45 · answer #3 · answered by Fiona NYC 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would your husband want to see you with other women and in what way? It's not making sense. Let me just say this. If my husband were to ask me to do something of that nature, I would be asking for a divorce. Marriage is a very sacred and personal entity that was created by God. When you and your husband said your vows, it was a convenant that you made with each other and to God. Whether you or your husband realize it or not, it is adultery and there is a price you will pay. Don't be fooled by what society says is okay. So keep others out your bedroom. The fact that you're asking this question is a good indication that you don't want to do it and shouldn't.
2007-10-04 05:40:31 · answer #4 · answered by thekingschild2 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him you'll only do a threesome if you get to watch him with another man.
Absolutely don't get involved in a threesome! You obviously don't want to do that, or you wouldn't be posting here. Never do anything in the bedroom you don't want to do, particularly when it comes to inviting in a 3rd party. (Usually detracts from a marriage, even when there are 3 consenting adults.) Next, you're going to need to explore any infidelity and control issues your husband might have. It sounds like he's thinking of cheating if he isn't already. You might want to find out which other woman he specifically wants to invite into the bedroom. That might be a big clue.
2007-10-04 05:26:18 · answer #5 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A mouse trap on your door? A ticket to infidelity that would result in marriage problem. If you do it, he would like it or not but it would be an exec use to be sleeping with someone else. How do you like these idea yourself? Do you prefer to have a cheat in front of your husband with a female? What about if he turns and tell you he want to have a man too before your eyes? How would you react on seeing what they are doing? Be a wise lady and shut out these junk and maintain you dignity, yourself respect. There is too much of a value and benefits to be a decent ordinary respectable lady
2007-10-04 05:25:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well darlin......I have to ask are you open to this??? you dont have to lust after women or even be attracted or interested....its called bi-curious and it doesnt mean you sway one way or the other...it just means your curious..which you are cuz you said it interests you cuz it's a turn on for him, right??? and you dont have to do anything you can let her plezz you which would more than plezz him cuz it would be a turn-on for him to watch!!!!
So my suggestion would be to talk it over with him and see how real this fantasy is...discuss if the 2 of you could handle it and what you would do or what it would be like...set boundaries and most of all respect each other...it doesnt mean you love each other less....you love each other enough to be willing to see....
Have fun & Be safe!!!!
2007-10-04 07:12:38 · answer #7 · answered by justbcuzitzfun 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I don't see a dilemma here. If you don't want to do it, then don't. You do not have to do things to make your husband love or want you. Besides, do you really think that either of you would look at the other the same way again? That, alone, could end the marriage.
2007-10-04 06:03:16 · answer #8 · answered by laesjb 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do it if it is something you really want to do. Have you ever thought about being with another girl before your husband brought it up? If you have then maybe it is something you have been curious about for a while. Don't do it because you feel it will make him happy or because he is pressuring you to do it. Once you do it, you can't go back and undo it. Just make sure it is totally your decision with no outside influence.
2007-10-04 05:23:09 · answer #9 · answered by throw_strikes2006 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
regrettably, it seems to be a solid sexual fetish of his that isn't going to flow away. You the two could tell him in no uncertain words which you at the instant are not involved and then watch for and evaluate the consequence of that call for, or you're able to be able to desire to reevaluate your guy or woman tolerance for eye-catching in such intercourse acts. the full ingredient will probably the two bring about divorce or you with a handful of STDs. Or the two.
2016-11-07 06:08:44 · answer #10 · answered by piano 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋