At what age do children stop thinking they can get away with tantrums/fits?

Question

Like if you tell a six-year-old that he can't do what he wants, is it normal for him to scream and seem to have a meltdown?

I don't have kids... but it seems like I've had friends with 4-year-old children that know better...

What do you think?

Answer 1

a child will do that as long as it works! I've seen 10 yr old throw tantrums! If the parents didn't put up w/ it, they'd get the message by 4, definitely.

Answer 2

Judging from what I see in public and on tv--45?

It really just depends on how the parents react when the child has a tantrum. If the parents give in, even inconsistently, then the child is going to continue the behavior because it works. If the parents never give in, then eventually the child will stop because it doesn't work.

That being said, there are a lot of factors involved, like whether the child is hungry or tired, if they're under stress or in a strange/unfamiliar situation, etc. Sometimes kids just melt down. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them or with the parents, it just happens.

Another thing to note--my nephew is 3. He looks like he's 5, because he's physically advanced, but he also has autism spectrum disorder, so his behavior is more like an 18-month-old. My SIL is the most patient, loving mother, and she is very consistent, but he has special needs and does not understand that his behavior is not appropriate. I got a big taste of how it feels to be her when we took a trip together this summer, and she gets all kinds of looks from people who just don't understand that a) he's not as old as he looks, and b) it's not that she's a bad parent or that he's a bad kid, it's that he has special needs.

Just thought I'd throw that out there, because it is hard enough for her to try to figure out what things work for him without people judging her every time she leaves the house. And she does have to leave the house from time to time.

Answer 3

There is no particular age in which children stop throwing tantrums, it's based on how they are raised. My children have never really thrown too many tantrums ( a few here and there, but that's all ) because they have known from the first time they have tried that all it gets them is grief and certainly does not obtain them what they wanted. Once you show the child you mean business and that throwing a tantrum is not going to work but in the end just lead to punishment the tantrums will eventually slow down to almost nothing and then should cease to occur.

Answer 4

I would determine the age for the tantrums to stop. I mean you have to put your foot down at some point. I don't have kids either, but know of several kids that get away with highway robbery and throw tantrums to get what they want ... and it works. And they are all over the age of 4 years old. Sad.

Answer 5

Children develop emotionally at different rates. Some children have a ton of turmoil in their homes that lead them to act out more, and some are just tempermentally more volitile than others.

That being said, a child does what works. If he has been taught that a tantrum gets attention and results, he'll do it for the rest of his life. They don't "know better." They have to be taught. Please remove that phrase from your vocabulary when it comes to kids. Kid's know NOTHING until they are taught about it. With some kids, it takes years of teaching before they finally get it.

Also, some kids are more sensitive to stimulation, more easilly frustrated, etc. than more mellow children. If the mother is dealing with tantrums appropriately (which means first trying to figure out the cause and address it before they happen, then, with a 6-year-old, not giving in to his demands just becase he states them loudly), this kid may just need more time to get over them. He may also need to learn ways of coping with stress and dissapointment. Deep breathing, removing himself from others to cool down, and other measures, such as playing with clay or bubbles when frustrated are helpful for some children.

A 6-year-old with tantrums is not necessarially an indication of bad parenting. It can be, but some kids take longer to get out of that stage than others. Heck, I have little tantrums sometimes, and I'm 31!

If his mother is not dealing with the issue at all, she is in danger of rasining a holy terror. If she's doing nothing to help her son through this phase (and different families do things in different ways, many of which are effective), and is just giving in to his tantrums or doing absolutely nothing and waiting for them to "go away," he'll turn into a brat. That's the parents' fault, not the kid's.

Answer 6

I don't think it has anything to do with the child, its all about how you raise your children. If you raise your children to know there are consequences for every thing they do whether it be good or bad then they will know that is not acceptable to throw temper tantrums. Even as young as age 2 this method should work.
-And I am not talking about spanking just discipline.

Answer 7

Apparently never.. my sister is 23 and still does it! My mother never gave into them and my brother stopped at 4 or 5. My sister is just an exception to the rule. Luckily, I don't have to deal with tantrums.

Answer 8

The never stop thinking they can get away with it, until you stop allowing them to get away with it. My 5 year old has autistic spectrum disorder, and he's just learning that tantrums will not be rewarded with anything but a time out.

Answer 9

I think children will throw tantrums as long as they can get away with it. If you don't give in when they throw one they will learn not to do it.

So it would seem your friend with the 4yr old already taught her children tantrums don't work. Where as a 6yr may still get away with it because the parents still give in.

Answer 10

I think around 21? LMAO.

No honestly, age of reason is around 12. But parents who say no and no and no then break down and finally say yes if the child presses them. They learn that manipulative behavior and will use it over and over again.

It is more of a parenting issue then that of the child. The child has learned that behavior. If they whine long enough...they will get what they want!