Early this morning a friends grandmother passed away.
They are Jewish and will now sit Shiva.
I am not used to the Jewish customs and such and was wondering what is appropriate and what is not.
My husband and I would like to send something on behalf of ourselves. They are in New York and we are in Texas and unable to pay a Shiva call.
I believe we are supposed to send food. But what should we send? I know the first meal after the burial includes bread, hard boiled eggs, lentil and coffee/tea. It is also my understanding that Shiva does not actually start until after the burial.
I dont yet know when the burial would be and will probably be sending something today. So what should I send? What is acceptable to send before the Shiva? Or even during Shiva?
2007-10-04 03:02:02 · 7 answers · asked by obsolete_allurement 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Since I only met the grandmother once, would it be appropriate just to take our friends out to dinner once the return to Texas?
Should we just do that and send a card to the family?
Thanks for all your help thus far.
2007-10-04 03:27:15 · update #1
You are very sweet and very sensitive to ask all of this.
The burial will probably be soon; in our religion the funeral happens very quickly.
The shiva can last anything from one to seven nights.
As you can't be there, I don't think you need to send food.
To start with, you can send a card and if you like, use the traditional Jewish phrase for this sad occasion: 'We wish you long life'.
Your Jewish friends will be touched by this, I am sure.
If you wish to send a gift, then perhaps wait for a bit and then...... a fruit basket? Or a book of poems that are relevant to grieving?
I don't think it matters what you send; it's the thought that counts.
We have a word for a good, kind, decent individual: 'mensch'. Literally, it means 'person'. It's a big compliment for a Jew to say this. Well, I think you are a MENSCH!
EDIT
Cheers mama_pajama, and by the way, I really valued your answers on the posts about messianics.
EDIT TO QUESTIONER:
Yep, a card for now, and dinner when your friends visit, am sure they will be delighted at your kindness.
2007-10-04 03:09:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sitting Shiva is the week long grieving technique practiced via many Jews. Upon the burial of a widespread-degree relative (i.e. father, mom, infant, etc..) Shiva starts off. acquaintances and family members many times collect on the mourners abode and furnish their help and condolences. the point is to not distract the mourners, yet to enable them to grieve. this is seen a mitzvah to flow to the bereaved. Tearing a splash bit clothing is an outward image to enable others comprehend you're sitting Shiva. comparable is going for protecting the mirrors and and not shaving. The word Shiva is Hebrew for seven, subsequently the seven days of gazing Shiva. wish this helps!
2016-11-07 05:55:54 · answer #2 · answered by larrinaga 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ditto all of the above answers--you are a mensch, and another star for you. If you really want to send food, it's traditional to send something round to indicate the circle of life, new beginnings, etc. However I like the idea of a tree in Israel the best. I've put a link below in case you're interested.
P.S. to mama_pajama_1: I get your e-mails but you have your own inbox blocked!
2007-10-04 03:29:41 · answer #3 · answered by Mark S, JPAA 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Jewish law states that a person must be buried within 24 hours of his/her death.
It is appropriate to send a note or if you are close to the family, a phone call. For many Jews, one of the most meaningful gestures you can make is to plant a tree in Israel in the deceased's memory through the Jewish National Fund, or you may want to give a donation to the deceased's favorite charity or to a synagogue fund established in his or her memory.
2007-10-04 03:16:08 · answer #4 · answered by Kallan 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tabatha had a GREAT answer for you.
I agree, you're behaving like a mensch :)
>:D<
All I can add for you is a reference, below to help understand details a little better.
A star for your question and a big thumbs up to Tabatha :)
sorry Mark, I had to close it as I was getting harassed ..I will hopefully open it again soon. If you have a 360 page connect to me there :)
hugs to Tabatha
2007-10-04 03:17:10 · answer #5 · answered by ✡mama pajama✡ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you're not attending in person there is no need to send a gift, however, a card may be appreciated. As mentioned above the traditional greeting upon the death of family member is to wish them long life.
2007-10-04 03:16:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
deep condolences/om namasivaya.may her soul rest in peace
2007-10-04 03:11:55 · answer #7 · answered by madhavan n 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋