Do you feel like your "real" life and your sexual life are incompatible?

Question

I've always been a good girl, kind, considerate of others, etc. And I date good boys. But they never satisfy me, because my 'sexual' life seems incompatible with my 'normal' life -- it's embarrassing, but I'm actually very submissive and have always fantasized about being with dominant, aggressive men, or being someone's 'sex slave'. I like being dominated and 'used' to a certain extent.

Only problem is, the 'good boys' I date would never fit into this category, so I'm always left sexually dissatisfied in my relationsips. I don't know what to do. I don't want to date some asshole jerk who is awful in every area except for sex. But at the same time, it seems like asshole jerks are the only kind of guy who would be able to satisfy those desires. Help! Has anyone ever encountered a problem like this? What can I do?

Answer 1

Hi there,

I know what you mean. You want a polite, honest, sweet if anything quite cutely shy guy but you also want him to be in control and a bit daring in the bedroom - just grab u at any moment!

The truth is he exists - just like you do - Im sure you come across as the kind, good girl but no one would ever know what you like in the bedroom.

I'd say talk to the next guy you are interested in about this. Guys need to be told - seriously ur wasting ur time thinking they'll get the hint - they wont!

Tell him - if he runs then he isnt the guy for you.

Be sure to tell him obviously when you're in the earlier stages...

Good luck!

Answer 2

Your problem sounds very familiar. I see only two solutions (which really aren't solutions): either keep your real sex life and your fantasy sex life apart, which means reyling on fantasies, the internet and eventually masturbation to "really" satisfy you whereas you do vanilla sex with the man that appeals to you as a real-life partner; or persuade your man to do some role-playing with you - which comes with two big ifs: if he goes along with it without being disgusted; and if the fake character of the encounter does not destroy the desired effect.
Oh, and rumor has it that there are men out there who enjoy being very dominant in the bedroom only and are otherwise nice guys. Perhaps you find the needle in the haystack.
Wishing you all the best!

Answer 3

I've been with women before that just lay there and take it like a plastic doll. They have no imagination and like to do it missionary over and over again. The object is to keep the other person on their toes at all times. This puts your body into a state of shock as well as your mind. If he's not putting you on your toes, you need to take action and put him on his. Try being very aggressive with him. For example, one night when you arrive back at where ever you are residing for the night, attack him in the doorway. Literally, rip his clothes off and get right to the buckle. Bite his lips and use your nails. The idea is to inflict just a little pain. DO NOT DRAW BLOOD! Grab his hands and put them places on your body. Make sure your vocal. You'd be surprised how aggressive a guy can get when you whisper in his ear, "F#@k me". Do it in an odd place,i.e. kitchen, bathroom, etc. Switch positions frequently and kiss the right parts for a few seconds in between switching. Basically, you want to be treated kind of like a girl in a porno. You're going to need to act like one. If this doesn't turn Mr. Rogers into the Marlboro Man, nothing will. If you want him to shock you, you need to let him know that's what you want and that it's okay. I am now taking the box of tissues and I'm going into the men's room. My mind is in the gutter.

Answer 4

Usually peoples sexual lives and personal lives are as contrasting as night and day. How extreme and the starkness of that contrast are another matter.

When it comes to sexual relations you simple need to be able to communicate your needs to your partner. Tell him you want him to be more aggressive, or ask him to try new things, like lead him into what you want. Ask him to tie your hands behind your back, or slap you on the a** when he's hitting it from the back... eventually he will get the feel for what you need.

If not then you can have a sit down and address the matter directly.

Answer 5

Mine is person-friendly, even nevertheless it is served me nicely, and has helped me by way of countless not hassle-free cases. i think of I made it up, yet then i'm particular I in all threat heard it someplace. "the only determination we could make in stay is how superb to spend the time we've been given." it is not humorous or clever, even nevertheless it works. stay via it and you will by no potential be in prefer of yet another.

Answer 6

Have you talked to your "good boys" about what you desire sexually? You may be surprised that just like some women who appear sweet and innocent on the surface, can be wildcats in the bedroom...so can some guys.

COMMUNICATE.

Answer 7

Most guys want to satisfy their sexual partner and are open to role playing. Tell your "good boy" what you want from him in the bedroom and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with his response.

Answer 8

Here Kitty Kitty sounds like the sweet kitten really wants to be a naughty minx.

Answer 9

I very rarely read a question that puts an actual smile on my face. Yours did. I believe there's someone for everyone out there. Just keep looking.

Answer 10

Ah right you've hit the nail on the head there. To be GREAT in bed you've got to be selfish, manipulative and passionate. To be GREAT in a relationship you've got to be considerate, commpromising and laid back.

I say have 2 guys.