Situation: Dad and daughter. Starting at age 11and on or so. Always being too open in talking about sex with her. Tickling her sides almost like the sides of her breasts. Goofing off in front of family and/or friends and taking her shirt off and making a joke of it. Making her feel guilty by giving her the silent treatment when she voices it makes her feel uncomfortable.Smacking her on the butt when she walks by. popping bra straps. Untying bathing suit while walking by. Girl asks what a hickie is and dad (in a goofing away in front of friends and family) leans down and says I'll show you and gives her one. Giving her titty twisters while wrestling as a "cry uncle" thing.
the reason i ask and am confused is this was like a normal way of life growing up. We always just called him a pervert and laughed about it. My mom was always there. She had been molested when she was little and I figured she would say something if it was that. He never pulled out himself or had me touch him...
2007-10-04 02:41:12 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he never took me away in a private room or touched me down there... or tried to have sex with me.....
what do you think?
2007-10-04 02:42:03 · update #1
Yes it is and you need to tell someone fast. Maybe your Mom doesn't want to see it or believe it. I take it you are the older sister, and you need to protect your little sister. If you are not the oldest sister consider this may going to happen to you if it is not stopped. He isn't just showing affection, he is molesting her. This is not right by no means. I know it is hard but you need to tell a school counselor or a friends parent you are close too, or DHS. DHS has a toll free number and you don't have to tell then who you are. The number is 1-888-270-3864. I would tell them just what you said here, and just mention you are unsure if this is a normal way of growing up. Those people on the other end are professionals and will be able to get you the right information and help you need.
2007-10-04 03:38:45 · answer #1 · answered by bigjuggies79 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that's way inappropriate behavior for a father. Taking off the shirt of his daughter in front of people, 'titty twisters', tickling in uncomfortable places, GIVING HICKEY'S! That's not right at all. There's something going on there besides normal father/daughter stuff. I know my dad never put his hands on me once I started to develop. He seemed uncomfortable that I was turning into a woman and gave me loads of personal space and privacy. Maybe he was an extreme case, but still more normal than what you've described. I'm shocked the mother or another family member didn't stop that kind of behavior. Creepy.
2007-10-04 02:47:29 · answer #2 · answered by Eraserhead 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just can't say for sure. Was/is your Dad very much older than you, as in old enough to be your grandfather? Many men of that generation thought nothing of "teasing" a girl and they also bullied boys about their genitalia, saying they were "making a man outta him", whatever that meant. But if your Dad was around the same age as most of your classmates, well, it sounds a little icky, don't it? You sound like you are out of school now and maybe in your 20s, but this is still bugging you. Am I right or are you still at home? Is your father still living? You refer to him in the past tense, which is why I asked. If you are at home, you need to talk to Mom. If you are afraid that it may re-traumatize her, then talk to somebody who's not going to fly off the handle and have squad cars circling your house, thereby making everything way worse than it may be. And though I really don't think it's extreme sexual misconduct of any kind, I do think we need to clear up some issues and set some boundaries, don't you? Your best bet is to speak with a clergyman or better yet, an older woman who attends the church you go to, or attends a church near you. Someone you can trust, and right now, I don't think that's a man. Maybe one of your girlfriends' Moms' could help? I know, it's embarrassing. But just ask her (a trustworthy adult woman) the same things that you asked us. She'll be able to help you get in touch with the right people. It is possible that your parents will never find out. I hate to even mention this place, but every Police Force in the country has specially trained women to speak to girls and other women about just this sort of thing. And THAT is your absolute best bet :-D You can request that they don't tell anyone and be as honest as you can when you speak about this. Good luck in getting this all figured out. You sound just fine and I feel like you are. It just kind of bothers me that you feel "bugged".
2007-10-04 03:22:53 · answer #3 · answered by Chiksita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old you are now, but you and only you are in control of your body. Nobody is to touch you if you feel uncomfortable. It's not normal for a father to take off his daughter's shirt or untying a bathing suit. The hickie thing is way out of line. And so is the wrestling incident. Your way of laughing it off is showing your dad this is okay and he will continue to do it. You need to tell him firmly, NO when he does that to you. This could definitely be a sign of a dangerous situation. Please be careful and tell your dad that you have a 'hands off' body now.
2007-10-04 02:55:48 · answer #4 · answered by 2Beagles 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It absolutely is. That is disgusting, I'm so sorry. It's natural that you would be feeling some tramua after experiencing that so don't feel guilty and make sure you get some counselling.
The relationship with your dad is going to be hard to repair but hopefully you'll find a way to forgive him one day. I understand now is not a good time to confront him because of the tramua and you need to look after yourself right now.
Feel better soon.
2007-10-04 03:49:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say so. I mean why would a father untie is daughters bathing suite top, or have her take her shirt of and all the other many things. My dad or my stepdad never did those kind of things. You should really talk to someone about this.
2007-10-04 02:47:09 · answer #6 · answered by my_rainythoughts 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are effected by this yeah I would consider it abuse. All children have a right to feel safe and respected my adults especially there parents.
You may need to get some counseling or things could have happened to you and you have blocked them out. you dad may be just a little off sorry to have to say that.
2007-10-04 04:18:14 · answer #7 · answered by Belinda J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old you are but you need to report this. Your father is completely out of line and completely violating you. Your mother obviously isn't going to help. The first step is for you to tell him that he is to never touch you again, joke or no joke. Tell him clearly that this is wrong and you want it to stop. Tell your school counselor. Push the issue, you are going to have a skewed view of how a man acts with his daughter, and this isn't it.
2007-10-04 03:21:00 · answer #8 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is sexual abuse! Your Mom may not see it because she doesn't want to see it. You should talk to someone about this. A teacher, counselor, minister, police officer or even a friend's parent. Get their opinions about it. Regardless, your father should stop if it makes you uncomfortable. That he doesn't is very disturbing. I hope you can get some help!
2007-10-04 02:53:23 · answer #9 · answered by Coop's Wife 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is. It's insanely inappropriate and while it seems innocent enough it's NOT!! My step dad and I were VERY close, but NEVER that close. Dads should be dads, not flirtatious boyfriends and that's what he's doing. It's wrong wrong wrong and when this "daughter" get's old enough to realize it, it will be too late because she will be damaged beyond belief.
2007-10-04 02:56:53 · answer #10 · answered by That is all 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋