Me and my ex partner (my son's father) are going through the court about contact.. he is trying to stop me from moving away.. he see's his son regularly.. he used to be very controlling in the relationship which was my reason for leaving him.. he is still doing it, using our son.
My son says things such as "Mummy you're nasty" and "I don't love you" and when asked who says these things, he says "Daddy said it."
My son is 3.
My son has also said "I'm gonna get one of my friends to smack you!" and then stated again that "Daddy said it, Daddy's gonna get one of his friends to smack you!"
My son head-butts me alot, and hits me.
I have spoken to my solicitor, she told me to seek professional advice.. but I have no idea where to turn!! I feel very intimidated by my ex. I'm in the UK.. are there any organisations that can help me?
Thanks.
2007-10-04 01:37:13 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hi... I have heard that services in the UK are difficult to come by, but your solicitor may be saying to get a therapist to learn how to cope with this... even though your son is only three years old, a therapist who is trained to work with young children might be helpful for you and your son -- if you can go together.
I do understand what it's like to have a bitter and controlling ex. I had a similar circumstance when my son was young, too... and by the time he was 7 or 8, i started him with a therapist. It helped a lot, but of course, he was much older than three.
My son is now 19 and he thinks his father is an idiot (because he is), but he still loves his father, even though he doesn't agree with the way his father does some things.
I have also learned over the years, that our children have their own brains, and are apt to use them. Right now your three year old is very influenced by what others say, but it won't be long before he starts "seeing" how is father behaves, and will realize that his father is wrong.
Parents who are divorcing need not say hurtful things about the other parent when with the child. Your son will eventually start resenting his father's mean words about you and will probably come to disrespect him (just like my son has done with his own father). I let my son use his own brain when it came to thoughts and opinions about his father -- i didn't put my two cents in.
It's best not to say anything bad about the father. Believe me your son will grow up knowing that, even though you had a difficult time through the divorce and aftermath, you had enough dignity to keep from saying anything about his father. It's best not to share our bad feelings.... if my son said something about his father to me, i'd just say, "oh". or if my son repeated something bad his father might have said about me, i told him "your father has a right to his opinions".
take care....
2007-10-04 02:14:37 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk directly to his father concerning these situations in calm. If he thinks his son's behavior is funny or brags about instigating his/your son - you know the differance between right and wrong do you not? If he is doing this to his/your child and is not something you are just "thinking" then the bottom line is your son has to learn to control himself via you teaching him that and you should also connect him with stable father figures in your family. If this is going on and your ex sees your child as an object along with U I wouldn't give him an audience by creating the stage 4 him(warning). U can work completely around that and not pile money into the courts as they most likely will not listen to U.
2007-10-04 01:54:13 · answer #2 · answered by GoodQuestion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ex is a really bad role model and it sound like he is dangerous. The less he has with you ex is the better, even is he is the dad. Don't under estimate what he can do to you. My ex did the same with my son and he was 13 at the time and now my son is almost 30 he has turned to me and tossed me out of his house for no reason after his wife had her birthday party. All his friends were still there and were shocked with him. We have not spoken for months. It is all his father's influence and it can happend to you. Keep him away from his dad as much as you can, out of state as you can.
2007-10-04 02:25:47 · answer #3 · answered by chez006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are the custodial discern. I understand you do no longer prefer to disclaim your son his father in his life, yet whilst he's definitely affecting your son's strikes and physique of innovations, why do no longer you the two look for out somebody who ought to mediate between you and your husband so each and all the emotional bags would be dealt with by a professional who will see to it the two one in each and every of you steer away from that and can lightly talk what's suitable for the boy. additionally your son could ought to work out a court docket appointed counselor to talk the whys and wherefores of why you and his father cut up up. do no longer waste time interceding, as your son's physique of innovations will in straightforward terms worsen as he gets older. suitable of success.
2016-10-10 07:07:26 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move. Get the kid in therphy because the damage is done all ready. And tell your ex/get a court order he can't see him till he goes to thearpy. Your ex needs help, this isn't normal.
2007-10-04 01:45:42 · answer #5 · answered by stupidvixen24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is that I'm thankful my ex didn't pull a stunt like that with me. He knows me well enough to know I don't even deal with **** like that and I would hunt his *** down.
2007-10-04 01:45:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋