How Do You Cope With the Loss of a Child?

Question

Last Friday my 16 year old son passed away. He had been to the doctor twice that week. It was strange because he has been to the doctor probably 5 times his entire life. My mother found him face down in his bed Friday evening, he never had a chance. No signs of trauma or drug use.

He was healthy, not on drugs and was very happy in life. I spoke to the medical examiner and other medical specialists and it is likely that I will never know the cause of death.

I am also expectling a new baby in December.

Does anyone know how to ease the pain? My wife and family have been excellent but I still feel like my soul has been ripped out.

Answer 1

You have to grieve, Maxx.
Talk to others who have lost children; there are support groups where you live. They're the ones who know the answer to your question, and who know the progression of what you are going through.
Don't avoid talking about it, don't avoid the thoughts, the depth of your anguish and pain. You have to feel it, its going to be there wherever you turn.
I feel so bad for you! You've experienced my greatest fear; one that keeps me up at night, and can bring me to tears just imagining what it would be like.
I haven't lost a child, but I was widowed suddenly and remember wondering how long it would hurt. I have friends who were widowed, and who asked me how long it would hurt and how to cope. My only answer is that it takes time; you just go through life one day at a time, and eventually you'll find yourself occupied with living again. Time, Maxx, and support, and nothing else. The pain is going to be there, but you'll learn to live with it in time. It's a part of you now.

Answer 2

There is no real answer, I have been in the same position, you feel like the world has stopped, for a while the wife and I were in our own bubble. This is perhaps the first part of the answer, the Mother and Father must support each other, no blame and no avoiding conversation about the lost son.
Another thing that is very helpful was talking to strangers in the same position, we found this by accident, taking flowers to the cemetery we talked to others who were visiting lost children, I say children but they could be 40 years of age. We never sought out these other parents, just met by chance, a lucky meeting because we seem to become a support group, informal but helpful, we all had the same pain.
Others have spoke of the belief in the after life, yes this helps, I feel we will meet again.
The last thing I will say is the pain does not go away, it changes, 18 years on I feel it less, different, the loss will always be there but you talk about him and feel comfortable, you will find most other people do not want to speak of your loss, except those who have had a similar loss.

Answer 3

It is indeed very hard. I've had a few cases of parents who lost their children. The first couple managed to cope through their strong faith in God, they believe their child is now living in heaven and is an angel. They also have another child and focus on that. The other couple is coping by keeping their child alive in their memory, by publishing his written works, exhibiting some of his collections, etc. Their sone really had a gift in writing etc. Anyway, my advice is to focus on your new child that is coming, and remember the good moments of your son, this will do him justice, he should not be remembered for his death but for his life. Your wife and your new child need your support, and they should not start in a bad atmosphere. See a therapist, it will help. Both of the above mentioned people did.

Answer 4

First off I am soooo sorry. Can I tell you a story? My brother and I were expecting our beautiful babies together last year. He had a healthy baby girl and I had a healthy baby boy...... 5 weeks later I recieve a phone call.... My brother was sceaming.. His perfect little baby has died in her sleep. Aaliyah will never be forgotten but always remembered for what she meant to us. Your family is experiencing the worst pain they will ever in thier life have to deal with. It has been 1 year on October 24th since we lost our little girl. Every night I think of her. Every thursday visit her grave and everyday I look at my son I see her. Your children implant something in you that you will forever treasure. Don't push the pain away, but as hard as it is accept it. Think of the future. Think of God's promises on how you can see your son again. There is yahoo groups you can join. I am in a yahoo SIDS aunt group. There is other aunts in there that have lost babies. And in your case you can join one for parents. Other parents feeling the same thing as you. I am going to leave you with a few scriptures. I am not sure what religion you are but you can use any bible you like. 1 Thes. 4:13-16 13 Moreover, brothers, we do not want YOU to be ignorant concerning those who are sleeping [in death]; that YOU may not sorrow just as the rest also do who have no hope. 14 For if our faith is that Jesus died and rose again, so, too, those who have fallen asleep [in death] through Jesus God will bring with him. 15 For this is what we tell YOU by Jehovah’s word, that we the living who survive to the presence of the Lord shall in no way precede those who have fallen asleep [in death]; 16 because the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a commanding call, with an archangel’s voice and with God’s trumpet, and those who are dead in union with Christ will rise first.

Answer 5

It is always hard when a child passes away. I think that you should cry it all out, and spend some alone time, just you bye yourself. Then, you have to scoop yourself up and move on. I know its hard. It is. Believe me. But at least you knew your son and he knew his father. some people never get to know their kids. and although this might sound cliche, he is in the after life thinking about you. he might be with a childhood pet, a grandparent, who knows?our time on earth isnt nearly as long as the eternity we spend in the after life. it will seem like hes only been up there a few days when you pass away.

Answer 6

Grieving mothers and fathers who're religious not in basic terms discover convenience interior the assumption of Heaven... yet they'd have a waiting made community of help of their close by church/temple/mosque/synagogue... convenience in rituals and custom... a significant substitute occurs generally we choose to have something to hold onto. some sense of "generic-ness"... Even a lapsed religious person, or a spiritual person with their doubts... can discover desire interior the possibility that their faith is real... i'm with the above answer that stated: "family members, scientific care and medicines"... those recommendations paintings for the Atheist and the religious alike... yet... as a Christian, i'm happy I even have greater that i will anticipate.

Answer 7

i am so sorry for you i can't imagine what you must be going through as it is every parents worst knightmare.i think the only thing that will ease the pain is time. you have to be strong for your baby and make sure you rake the support of thosea round you and don't push them away. find someone you trust and open up to them as locking things away can make things worse. i sent you my love and a prayer x