last night i went to go and see my parents and the lad that im seeing came with me. the thing is on the way home he blurted out that i like to show a lot of cleavage when we go out drinking, and that i shouldnt do it as he felt unhappy at other men looking at me. i asked him if he thought i dressed like a tart and he didnt say anything. the thing is i rarely wear skirts and yes maybe sometimes i show a little cleavage but its not like their hanging out like some girls iv seen. i dont know what to say to him. i havent spoken to him since last night. what would you say to him?
i dont think he realised he hurt my feelings.
2007-10-03 20:11:37 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well, I am not a girl, but from a guys angle, I can say this. It is possible he feels insecure. Maybe it is trusting you, but it just might be he feels insecure about himself being enough for you. Or maybe he does not trust you. Or maybe he is just jealous. He could also be afraid of losing you. Or combinations of all or part, or maybe more even. He might not even know why he is acting the way he is. We can guess motives all day long, but these guesses may give you some insite as to his feelings and behaviors. Of course it does not excuse them.
One way to approach the lad is to first ask him why he acts this way. Tell him you understand. Then ask him if he understands how much you hurt over his actions. See once you show you understand him, his defenses are down and he will be more open to listening to your point of view. As long as he feels you heard him, he will be receptive to listening to you. I know it does not sound fair, because you feel you were hurt first, but in his mind he was the one who was hurt first by you showing cleavage.
Bottom line is you were both hurt. Between us all here, he was wrong, but you wont get anywhere by telling him that. You have to get him to open up and let his defenses down, then he will hear you. So far, mainly he hears himself. It is harder to hear another person is hurt when you feel hurt yourself. Same goes for both of you. But us men take longer to mature and be open to these things. That's how I see it. Good luck to you both. Cheers from across the pond.
2007-10-04 03:05:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What he said speeks a lot( he blurted out that i like to show a lot of cleavage when we go out drinking, and that i shouldn't do it as he felt unhappy at other men looking at me ) It sounds like it is his problem with other men and control issues. Are you showing off more now than when he met you? Listen to what he said and how it made you feel. Has he made you feel hurt before? Is he likely to do this some more? Pay attention to how he treats you and how you feel about it. Other men are always going to look at you. Are you prepared to keep things under wrap from here on out?
2007-10-04 06:22:06 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hehe your man sounds just like fiance. he hates it when i wear something transparent or showing cleavage or any skin where only he is allowed to see.
i should say that your man loves you very much and even though we get hurt when they tell us, they are doing the right thing.
they just want us to look decent and not for other men to stare at us. he is a jealous one i dare say. but it hurts him when other men look at you and according to me i think that men look at women and no matter how sexy they are dressed and look nice they make a bad coment such as "h.o.e" or some other stuff. and our men being our men would not like such stuff said about us, so to protect you he must tell you to stop wearing this and that.
its not that you dress up like a tart but rather that people or mostly men think so of you and him being a man knows what they are thinking, he just can't bear others insulting you even if they don't show you.
yes it hurts but he did it because he loves you. talk to him and listen to him things will be back to normal in no time...........
2007-10-04 03:26:11 · answer #3 · answered by baby gal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have been somewhat awkward in expressing his thoughts but I also think you should appreciate his being so honest and open with you. You need to encourage him in this if you want him to continue being truthful in the future. I happen to agree with him. If you want to be respected by others then don't dress like a slut by showing your cleavage. That should be reserved for him and him only. Not others. He sounds like a true gentleman to me. So, put your hurt feelings aside, hon, he is worth so much more than any other guy out there. Sounds like he has character. Stay away from the "watering holes."
2007-10-04 03:23:35 · answer #4 · answered by wildflower 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that he was just saying you show to mush because he is happy to have you and dos not want other guys looking at you in that way because he is with you, and you should only be showing off that stuff to him only if your his girlfriend.
If he didnt say nething about you being a tart, then maybe he was afraid to tell you yes, and if a guy cant tell you the truth, then what else is he not telling you if you dont ask him.
2007-10-04 03:18:52 · answer #5 · answered by Heidi P 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
we girls also have some feelings and rights
boys dont have any right to say us any thing
if god has given us nice big sexy boobs then its ours and we can do watever we want and wear any kind of dress
moreover send me a pic of ur wearing that dress so that i can give my real advice
waiting for ur pic till then enjoy ur life to the fullest and do watevr u want
dont be shy on any thing
u r lovely and very sexy too
2007-10-04 05:09:16 · answer #6 · answered by vicky vicky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you dressed like that when you met, it shouldn't be a problem. If it is a problem, then there may be some possesion problems you might want to address before the relationship gets anymore serious.
2007-10-04 04:09:39 · answer #7 · answered by KingTriage 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i can tell you most guys don't want there woman exposed so maybe you should fine someone that don't mind you dressing the way you do it sounds like you dress okay but not for him so i think a red flag just went up
2007-10-04 03:19:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think it was very insensitive of him to say such things especially because you are only dating him and not having an exclusive relationship with him...i think its okay to dress the way you want to as long as you are comfortable and confident in what you are wearing...men will always stare no matter what you are wearing as long as they feel like it...
if you like this guy, then i think you should tell him that he hurt your feelings...but if you're not sure about your feelings for him, i think you should find someone else...i think he has the tendency to be manipulative and once you are in a relationship with him...he will dictate to you what you should wear, friends that you should keep, how you should act, etc...
2007-10-04 03:19:07 · answer #9 · answered by geisha 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
he had the guts to let you know how he felt.
have the decency to listen and then maybe coverup a bit.
maybe he just doesnt want other guys taking peeks.
talk to him somemore
i wouldnt say your feelings are hurt because of what he said. he was just saying what he felt, and maybe you didnt realize that you were hurting his feelings by wearing what you were.
2007-10-04 03:17:17 · answer #10 · answered by ☮ Thanks a Heap Coyote Ugly ☮ 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋