I know this is stupid to ask, I guess i'm just venting really... I just found out my ex boyfriend passed away after having a lot of health problems for a long time and I am sad, but I feel i should feel worse, I'm not sure if it just hasnt sunk in or if I am at peace with it already because I know he is happier... I guess I just want people to tell me i'm not horrible for not being so upset. I'm really worried about going to the viewing tomorrow because i think ill break down, i know i'll probably regret it if i don't. Ahhh.
2007-10-03 20:00:44 · 22 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No it's not stupid what you've askd! Sometimes in life we just need to be comforted by others...just human nature dear! So you wish to be told that you're not that horrible,i'm gonna tell more,you're not horible at all...It's better to feel a little sadeness that not feeling sad at all...If you really feel like going to the viewing ceremony do it and breaking there, it is quite normal to break down there...
2007-10-03 20:17:45 · answer #1 · answered by (-_-) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's normal. With me, my grandmother passed away nearly 4 years ago. When it happened everyone was crying, but i just couldn't. It just hadn't sunk in yet i guess. She was the closest person to me (she slept in the same room and we'd chat all night). It was horrible but i didn't feel anything. I kept imagining that she was on 'holidays' and got angry when people said 'may she rest in peace' and things like that, because i didn't consider her gone. I stayed like that for nearly a year before i realised she wasn't coming back, and i still cry whenever i think of it till this day (like im crying now), while everyone else has already learnt to deal with it. Everyone deals with deaths in different ways. Its normal to be feeling the way you are, and if you don't feel upset later on, it's might be because you've dealt with it well, or you've blocked yourself off from the emotion of it. Don't be self-consious of what people think because this is something very personal. I know it might no feel right at the moment, but in time you'll understand why you feel this way.
2007-10-03 20:07:11 · answer #2 · answered by leb_barbie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People grieve in many different ways Perhaps his spirit is with you and he is letting you know he is okay He is free from illness Perhaps you only feel the joy you had together When my Mom died I did not cry for 6 months Then one day I was organizeing some papers and there was my moms obituary I that day with no one in the house cried and sobbed for hours When it was done I honored her through flower gardens around my home By planting flowers around the home it always felt like my mom was giving me a big hug
2007-10-03 20:10:36 · answer #3 · answered by chameleon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are completely normal. No one has a lock on how they should feel at a time like this. You feel like you feel. You really can't change it. The best thing you can do is be kind to everyone at the funeral home, and if you break down don't worry about it. It happens.
2007-10-03 20:03:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Death is a fact of life. Not feeling worse about it is no reason for guilt. You will die, your parents will die, everyone reading this response will die, everyone not reading the response will die.
If you belief system allows you to not feel bad, then why go beating yourself up for not feeling bad? I didn't even know the guy, and I don't feel bad. My own mother died 10 years ago... It sucked at first of course, due to my own greed to keep her around, but I don't feel bad now.
It happens. You're born, you live, you die. Accept it and be happy for what you do have, take advantage of the life you have, and celebrate the dead without feeling bad.
2007-10-03 20:06:22 · answer #5 · answered by Crypt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's mean you have moved on with your life. It's normal that after a long time, feelings will change. It's good that you are not too upset with it.
If you want to cry, just cry it out. If you don't, no need to force yourself to cry. Take things as per-normal.
Pray for him. That's all.
2007-10-03 20:10:36 · answer #6 · answered by ReDevil 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it has sunk in yet No your not a bad person Be strong tomorrow I've been there and it's hard so my prayer's are with you It's okay if you break down that's normal my thoughts and prayer's are with you good luck
2007-10-03 20:05:57 · answer #7 · answered by kitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's very unreal to you right now. Since you don't see him on a regular basis, and you didn't see his passing, it's just not real to you. Yes, you should go to the viewing, out of respect for his family, and to say goodbye for yourself. It's okay to break down, at one point in your life, you cared very much for him. What you are feeling right now is totally normal.
2007-10-03 20:05:37 · answer #8 · answered by lordmisrule2004 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not horrible. Everyone takes pain differently. When my grandma died I cried a bit then for days I was okay, but when I got to the church for her funeral every emotion I had hit at once. It's okay. Go to the viewing. Whether you cry or not it doesn't matter. Just take your chance to say goodbye.
2007-10-03 20:06:59 · answer #9 · answered by theory75 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest, unless you had very strong ties to your X's family, I would not even go.
Keep the memories of your x as a healthy young man and let the dead one be buried by his family.
I would send flowers instead.
That is just my suggestion, oh and you are not bad for not breaking down, it was your past.
2007-10-03 20:07:51 · answer #10 · answered by kitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋