What did you do......?

Question

I had a d&c today because the baby's heart had stoppend and was no longer alive. I was thinking of getting a necklace with an October birthstone to wear...for comfort. What did you do when your miscarriage happened???

Answer 1

Every woman deals with it in their own way. Some people might see her way as lack of emotion but i personally know how devistating this loss is.................

Honey I am so so sorry that you are going thru this..... I know it doesnt seem so now but it will get easier. It will never go away but will ease some. I know nothing anyone can say can make what you are going through any easier, infact sometimes it makes it worse. You tiny baby just wasnt strong enough to make it, but i am sure god will bless you again .

I have miscarried 5 times and had a set of still born twin, I do know what you are going through..... If your hubby isnt crying or showing emotion cut him a little slack.... Im sure he is crying when he is alone..... Women are taught as children its ok to cry, but men were taught this is a sign of being weak. He feels he needs to be strong for you.

How i dealt was a took a box... i put the outfit i was wearing...... even my hair tie.... put it in the box.... I put everything like ultrasound pics, bills, pamplets ect and put it in the box....... I then named it, didnt matter if i knew the sex or not...... I picked one..... then i wrote my baby a letter telling him how much i loved him and wanted him..... I put all my feelings down on the paper...... i sealed the box.....

wrote his name on the outside, and cut a slot in the top of the box so i could put other letters, birthday cards ect in the box....... I will talk to my babies when im alone and everything is quiet, like in my car.............or when im getting ready to go somewhere special. I know they know that mommy loves them and still thinks about them....

Now my twins are at the cemertary, I go out there atleast once a week, but i try to limit it to 2 times a week unless its a holiday week..... Because I get so upset . I keep flowers, and small little trinkets on the head stone........ On one of the sheards hooks i have a pick of my other children, I update it often...... I elaminate it, then put it in a frame and hot glue it to seal it...... This was my sons Idea. ( he is now 15 he was 12 then) Miscarriage is easier then still birth but noone wants to go through either.

This is the reason i get so upset at women that abuse their bodies while pregnant, I try to do everything right and my babies were taken from me...... and some just take chances or chose to terminate for reasons like "they will get fat" if they have it.......I have gotten reported for making comments on questions like that , and all i can say is the ones that have never had this form of loss cant understand how we feel.

All i can leave you with is my love and compassion..... If you need to talk let me know sweetie........ just click on email me on the profile page....... again i am so sorry, and i will be thinking about your little one ....

Email me if you wish its in profile.

Answer 2

Oh hun I know exactly how you are feeling! I went through the same thing at 11 weeks gestation last year.
Absolutely if it will help you with the pain you are going through then get the necklace. There are also several sites on the internet that make memorial/remembrance jewelry. Alot of it can have multiple stones on it. One for month of loss and month of due date...also crystals of blue and pink. Some out there are a heart with a pair of footprints the size of a 10 week fetus.
Also there are plenty of support sites out there with poems dedicated to mothers who are dealing with loss and to the babies that we'll never hold again.
Hang in there and ignore the comments from people who are ignorant. Do whatever it is that you need to feel at least a little bit of peace in the whirlwind you are going through!

Answer 3

I am sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at 4 1/2 months and one thing that helped me was naming the baby. At the time I had 3 boys and they were certain it would be a girl. So we named her Hannah. That was 14 years ago and to this day, they remember her name. It seemed to bring closure for all of us.

Answer 4

I'm sorry for your loss. I haven't experienced a miscarriage myself but am currently reading an amazingly helpful book that could help you to process and heal from your experience, inside and out. It's called Ended Beginnings, by Claudia Panuthos and Catherine Romeo.

Answer 5

I cried. The exact thing happened to me at almost 17 weeks. I cried and cried. My husband brought our toddler to our room a lot, and he always brings loving thoughts to my mind. Finally, it was my 30th b-day, so we packed up and he drove us to San Antonio for a day of relaxation, shopping, etc.

I released his spirit to the Father, and I felt a nudge inside to name him. So I did--Jonathan (gift of God) Ryan (little king). I put his baby stuff away (I'd already bought some cute jammies). I talked to my s-i-l who had miscarriages. God, my arms felt SO empty.

That was 15 years ago, and I'm crying now, remembering. It's devastating. We in America are spoiled because death is minimal around us. If we lived in Africa, we'd be used to people dying around us. But being soft and sensitive as we are, it takes years to get back on our feet.

I take solace in my two kids--Joel, 17 and Kimberly, 21 (at college). But I will always regret Jonathan's death and that we didn't have another child afterwards.

If getting a necklace would comfort you, then I think you should do just that. Right now is crisis time. You just have to get through your days one at a time anyway you can. And one day you'll wake up and it won't feel so bad.

Blessings,

Debbie
Kim, Joel & Jon's mom

Answer 6

I grow various rose bushes around the yard. But most of them on at the front of the house.

So I got a huge planter and planted a special rose bush on the back deck where my wife could see it each day at breakfast. We selected a rose that goes by the name "Little Darling".

Answer 7

I think you have the most wonderful idea I have heard of. I hope you do it!! Best Wishes!!

Answer 8

I think that's a really great idea. I'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 9

i am so sorry for your lose and i would probably do exactly what you are doing