Why won't my mom help me?

Question

I'm 19 and I'm married and my husband got arrested last weekend for DUI and I asked my mom to get a bond so he can get out of jail and I'll pay for it but she said no! I don't get it. It's not like I don't have the money, which I had to beg and borrow from a LOT of people but she won't do it. And it's been four days since I've really talked to him and it's driving me crazy and she knows this. Why would she put me through this?

Answer 1

If I ever ended up in jail for D.U.I. my mom would let me rot there..I know she loves me...If she did not love me she would not let me learn my lesson. I have never had a D.U. I. but I think it is reprehensible. You risk all those lives. Your mom is right, your husband needs to have a hard fall so that he can get back up on the right side.
What is more important - Your husband learning from his mistakes like all of us - Or being bailed out? He has to be a man and deal with this.

Answer 2

The best thing for him is sitting in jail. It might just teach him a lesson on drinking and driving or something else since is wad a DUI and not a DWI.He needs this time to think. Your mom was right not helping you because she knows this will help not only him but you too. Your married now so must learn to handle the problems yourself and decide if you you want to live with someone who puts strangers lives in danger. Think about getting him some help. Don't mean to sound so cruel but sometimes that's what it takes. Good luck.

Answer 3

Maybe your mom is trying to teach you a valuable lesson. Maybe she wants you to see that she does love you but you can't always bail someone out. As a parent I would not help my children get their spouse out of jail for a DUI because the lesson to be learned is that you are going to be responsible enough to drink then you need to be responsible enough to call a cab or a friend or someone to take you home when you have been drinking. As long as you run and get Him out then he is going to believe that you will get him out every time and then there is nothing learned. I do feel sorry for you being away from your husband but what if you would have been with him and you had an accident and someone was killed. Do you really want to live with that for the rest of your life?? Think about what you are asking your mother to do. And what would you do in that situation?

Answer 4

Time to grow up. Momma can't be bailing you out all the time. She did the right thing by drawing the line.

He really needs the time in jail to sit and reflect on his behavior and how it landed him in jail.
If you keep bailing him out, he won't learn anything. When he does get out, you and your husband need to have a looong talk about being resposible and the good points of calling for a cab if he's had too much to drink... common sense stuff.

The next time you have to bail him out, the bail will be higher and harder to raise. Does he want you two to be in-hock to a bail bonds company? You need to find out if he cares about this stuff... fast. You need to spell it out to him that this is not a habit he wants to maintain, and that it could very well cost him YOU.

The next thing I will recommend... stash some cash around the house where only YOU can find it... like a Kotex box in the back of your closet. This is your ability to be self-sufficient in an emergency. If he comes home drunk and violent, you need a fast OUT and some cash to do it with. If he blows all his paycheck somewhere and you need to get groceries, there's your back-up. You need to act on your own behalf.

Answer 5

Do you realize that your husband was pretty much pointing a loaded gun at every person on the road with him. Perhaps she won't help because he should be in jail and not on the street, getting drunk, and getting behind the wheel of a car. If you've got the money and think he's so great bail his worthless *ss out yourself.

Also, where were you when he got behind the wheel. If you were with him and let him drive drunk you belong in jail right next to him.

Answer 6

I know you probably think she's mean for not helping you but mothers know what they're doing. See if she helps you bail him out now he probably wont learn his lesson. When my husband and I got married we were very young 17 and 19 to be exact. We never needed to be bailed out of jail but often needed financial help. His family never helped us even though there were times we had nothing to eat. At the time we thought they were just the meanest people ever and maybe they are a bit mean, but thanks to their lack of help we are now proud of our accomplishments. You see everything we have is thanks to our hard work and not to our parents help. You need to be strong and don't hate your mom because all she wants is for you two to become responsible for your actions.Hang in there he'll get out soon and hopefully this will be the last time you ever have to go through something like this. Best of luck!

Answer 7

I don't know the past history with your mom, which might have to do with why she won't help you. But I do know that sometimes parents have to not help to help their child in the long run to make them see the big picture and learn from things. It could be possibly that they aren't trying to hurt you but to try to help your husband learn a lesson the hard way. I am very open and blunt with my mother and we actually have a very good relationship because of that. I would suggest that you just flat out ask your mom why she won't help but make sure you do it calmly and discuss it. Don't approach her as if you are accussing her and mad at her. Take it calmly, even her answer, and maybe you two can work out something that will help. Good luck hun.

Answer 8

Getting arrested for DUI shows your husband has acted in an irresponsible way. Your mother seems to be allowing him to face the consequences of his actions. She didnt force the booze down his throat, or escort him out to the car, so why should she have to bail him out. Next time you could be in the car with him, and he could have an accident.

Answer 9

I don't know why you're blaming your mother. If your husband wasn't drinking and driving and acting irresponsibly then you wouldn't have to worry about getting him out. Maybe being in jail will help you both grow up a little bit.

Answer 10

Your mother is not "putting you through" anything -- your husband is the one who is putting you through it!

You are confused.

Your husband got arrested for breaking the law. It's not your mother's responsibility to "fix" it for him. If he's old enough to go out and drink and drive, then he's old enough to pay the price.

I had a DUI too.... and I had to pay for it myself. No one's mom stepped forward with cash.