How do I tell my friend that I'm broke?

Question

I have a dear friend who is gettting married in January and just got engaged a week ago. She asked me to be her matron of honor...and yes, I'm honored! Her family is LOADED but I'm like the majority of America and I'm trying to make ends meet with my husband and son. I know that I have certain duties and I'm supposed to host her bridal shower and her bachelorette party and I have no idea how I'm supposed to swing something like that. She has a good budget to work with but aren't those things supposed to come out of my pocket? There's the two parties, plus my dress, plus my son's tux, plus her wedding gift. My husband works but we only have one income. I've applied for some part time jobs but I'm so worried I won't get hired in time. What do I do? I want her to have the best wedding experience possible (like I didn't have) but at the same time I can't make money appear out of nowhere. I'm so stressed about this..what should I do? Any help would be GREATLY appreciated.

Answer 1

You shouldn't have to get a job just to help with her wedding! You are a very good friend. Just say 'thank you for asking and I would love to do it, but I can't afford to pay for all the things that is part of my role'. Ask if you can just be a guest. Maybe she will be able to pay for your dress (but don't ask) and maybe you can figure out a way to have a cheap hen's night, i.e. stay at home, make cocktails, watch movies, pamper each other. I know she was nice to ask but she probably should have considered your financial situation first and should have known it would have been a big strain. If she really wants you in her wedding, she will try and help you out otherwise just be guest. If you want to get a job, that's great, but don't do it for her wedding.

Answer 2

Work together with the other bridesmaids as far as the party is concerned. Things don't have to be expensive to be nice and thoughtful. You just have to be creative. Perhaps you could rent a tux for your son. You'll be giving a lot of your time to wedding planning so don't stress about the monetary gift -- give according to your budget. Having you there supporting her will mean much more than a gift you purchase anyway. Listen to all the brides on here stressing about unreliable persons in their wedding party. Money is not the reason why she asked you. You're one of her closest (if not best) friends. That's the intent behind her asking you.

Answer 3

Hi. You may have to just be honest with your friend.

First of all.....until I started going on YA, I never knew that it was the Maid/Matron of Honor's duty to host the shower and the bachelorette party. Where I live, ALL the bridesmaids chip in for both of these events. Yes, the maid/matron of honor can help out the bride with many things, like picking out the gowns, etc., but as far as being solely responsible for hosting these events....I think that is ridiculous.

Tell your friend you are honored, but be honest with her. "Sue, I am so honored to be your matron of honor, but I just don't think I can financially afford to host a bridal shower and bachelorette party....do you think your other bridesmaids would be willing to help with this?" If she agrees, then make sure they (the other bridesmaids) are on board with it BEFORE any planning!!! Sometimes people say...oh yeah, I will help...but then nothing. You need to be honest with both your friend and the other bridesmaids before anything gets planned. Good luck!

Answer 4

Take her out to lunch and tell her how honored you are. Then explain that the financial responsibility associated with the festivities is beyond your means. Be honest. She's your friend and will understand. Once that is settled, reflect on a gift you can give her that you can afford that she will enjoy. You might even be able to have a small shower, perhaps for a close circle of friends. Showers, remember, need not be elaborate or expensive.

Please don't stress yourself about this. I think you already know what you must do, though I understand it might be difficult for you. We cannot spend money we do not have. That would be irresponsible.

Answer 5

It's not REQUIRED that you throw those parties. It is NOT anyone's DUTY to do these things, not even the MOH.

If you do CHOOSE to throw those parties, etiquette dictates that you host a party in a style YOU, the hostess, can afford, not in the style that the bride's wealthy family is accustomed to. This could be as simple as cupcakes and iced tea on your back porch-- if that's what you can afford, then that's what you do.

Also, sometimes the bridesmaids host these parties as a team, and that means others to help pitch in.

A shower for someone who is wealthy is ridiculous, anyhow. she is not going to be in NEED of anything, and showers are for people who NEED things.

If she is friends with you, then she should know what your life situation is like, and she should be sensible in her expectations of what you can spend on everything. If she starts to request unreasonable things, then have a talk with her about what you can and can't afford.

Why does your son need a tux? Is it a black tie wedding?

Answer 6

You need to sit her down and have a one on one. If you're close enough friends that she asked you to be her matron of honor she should understand. Just say something like "I am very honored to be your matron of honor, and I want to thank you for asking me. It means a lot to even be asked. I would love to do it, and your friendship means the world to me, but I'm concerned about the financial end of it...." then explain why. As far as the parites go, that can be planned with the other bridesmaids and they can chip in. Tell her that doing this for her should be a positive thing, but you're concerned it will starin your friendship and put too much stress on you. I'm sure she will understand, and be willing to step down if she does not. You should not have to get a second job for the sake of your friend's wedding. I'm currently planning my wedding and if I found out any of my friends were going through unneccesary stress for me I would be ashamed and would force them tp stop. Hope this helps!

Answer 7

Hi,

According to www.theknot.com, there are several articles on bridesmaids and maid of honor duties. Everyone in the bridal party is supposed to chip in for bridal shower, bachelorette parties, etc. Don't feel like you are alone in footing the bill. You as the maid of honor must communicate with the bridesmaids what ideas you may have and ask for their ideas as well, and then figure out how you all are going to make it happen. The maid of honor is definitely the leader of the pact, gets most of the organizing in order, helps alleviate most of the bride's stress, but if you are feeling overwhelmed yourself you may want to talk to the bride.

If your dear friend, is dear enough to where she'll understand, you can tell her, if she doesn't already know, that your finances are a little tight, but you want to do what you can to help her out. Maybe you can ask her to suggest someone within the bridal party to help you out with the major planning and events to share responsibilities. Or even ask her to spread responsibilities amongst her team. Tell her that you are honored to be her Maid of Honor and want her to have the best!

I am a bride and I just like honesty from my girls. I'd rather hear from their mouths that something is up, or something is wrong,, so that I am not stressed out about what may or may not be taken care of for me. My bridal party is cool. I have one who's being a bit weird, but she's not telling me things. She just doesn't seem as interested. And maybe she truly is, but she's not showing me it. So you definitely don't want those feelings.

She will have the best experience possible because your heart will be in it 100% Just be as honest as you feel comfortable. You may or may not want to tell her everything, but just enough for her to know and feel that you are interested and maybe another bridesmaid can be your co-pilot in planning. Hope I helped a bit. :-)

Answer 8

Best thing is say something like "I'm so pleased and honored, and I wish I could say yes -- but I can't. I'm sorry" and then zip your lip. She will quickly figure out that the problem is money and that you don't want to say anything that might sound like "fishing" for her to cover your expenses. If you keep your reasons unspoken, then whether she offers to cover your expenses or not there isn't anything for anyone to feel embarrassed about.

Even if she, in a gush of goodwill, blurts out something about money not being a problem, have a calm hardheaded talk to make sure you're both on the same page. Tho she's prepared to buy your dress, but what about those other expenses you mention above? Even if she still offers, is it a good idea to accept such a favor?

Will accepting create problems with her family or her husband to be? Will spiteful say nasty things about it?

Answer 9

I think it is clear that you have to be honest with her. Tell her that you love her and want her wedding to be the best, but if you're responsible for the parties ect, it won't be. Maybe she will say that you don't have to worry about the financial part of it, that her family will take care of it. She might even be a little mad at first, but I think after she thinks it over she will appreciate your honesty. She might even find another maid of honor...just remember that you were her first choice. Be there and support her, no matter what her decision is.

Answer 10

Hmmm, I've been into this kind of crap before, being broke about money matters. You know what I did? I just figured out that telling the truth won't hurt you at all and doing something impossible in a rush is a crap. Dont pressure yourself. Always be SIMPLE, and always SMILE. Just be yourself and keep your feet to exactly where it should be...on the ground.

Im sure you can still make her happy even w/ out spending too much for that occassion.